Mini-Review Dump 💩: The First One You Expect, The Pale White, The Bell Chime and Murder House | Horror Reads Under 150 Pages!

All the novellas in this post are under 150 pages and are available for free through Kindle Unlimited and Kindle Prime Reading.

And unlike my previous post, I actually liked most of these.

Snl GIF by Saturday Night Live

Reviews in this post:

  • The First One You Expect by C.V. Hunt
  • The Pale White by Chad Lutzke
  • The Bell Chime by Mona Kabbani
  • Murder House by C.V. Hunt
Continue reading “Mini-Review Dump 💩: The First One You Expect, The Pale White, The Bell Chime and Murder House | Horror Reads Under 150 Pages!”

Mini-Review Dump💩: Between Good and Evil, Crime Beat, Chasing the Devil & Death in the City of Light | #NonFictionNovember

Hey, it’s definitely not November anymore but that’s when I read all of these!

So in terms of blogging, not great. But in terms of reading, very good. I’m calling it 50/50. Technically a C-, but also an A for effort.

Spoiler! I didn’t really like any of them…

True Crime Laugh GIF by Dateline NBC

Reviews in this post:

  • Between Good and Evil: A Master Profilers Hunt for Society’s Most Violent Predators by Roger L. Depue
  • Crime Beat: A Decade of Covering Cops and Killers by Michael Connelly
  • Chasing the Devil: My Twenty-Year Quest to Capture the Green River Killer by David Reichert
  • Death in the City of Light: The Serial Killer of Nazi-Occupied Paris by David King
Continue reading “Mini-Review Dump💩: Between Good and Evil, Crime Beat, Chasing the Devil & Death in the City of Light | #NonFictionNovember”

Fucking Notable Mystery/Thriller New Releases | January to March 2022!

While this is definitely going to be my year of reading the books I already own (and I own SO FUCKING MANY,) in my mind, reading books and buying books are two very separate hobbies.

If you’ve joined my #ReadWhatYouFuckingOwn challenge hosted on Insta, let me be clear – this isn’t a book buying ban. I’m here to support you as you read what you own, but I’m also 100% here for you buying even more books. Go wild! Indulge your passions!

As we’ve learned over the last two years, life is short and crazy and there’s no sense in not enjoying the things you enjoy because you never know when this shit show is going to come to an end. Either by a comet or maybe a never-ending plague. Our options for obsoletion are endless! Unless you enjoy gross shit that hurts other people, like, don’t do that.

Be Good GIF by Peloton

With Peleton bro’s words to live by and 2022 officially 12 days in, let’s check out some upcoming releases that definitely, maybe, probably should be on your buy list. Or at the very least, your library holds list.

And remember, buy list and read list – two different things!

Continue reading “Fucking Notable Mystery/Thriller New Releases | January to March 2022!”

My Top Reads of 2021!

As promised from my previous cranky bitch post, here are my tippy-tappy tippy tip top-rated books from last year. To be clear, these are books that I actually really liked and, in some cases, loved. It’s unlike me, but it does happen.

And actually, let me just say, that it happened ten times in 2021. That’s right, there are ten fucking books on this list. 10! Maybe that’s not a lot to you, but for me and my reading history…

Growth Growing GIF by Insecure on HBO

But then, only one of them earned my elusive 5-star rating, so…

Im Not Crazy Tonight Show GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Who knows, this time next year, maybe I’ll be writing my top reads post and I’ll have fifteen or even twenty books on it. Can you imagine? Me, liking that many books? Or giving more than one book 5-stars?

Roselyn Sanchez Hello GIF by FOX TV

This is my year of transformation after all – my health and my mind and my overall energy on this fucking shit planet. I’m laser focussed on evolving. It’s also my year to read what I already own and I’d like to believe I didn’t spend the disgusting amount of money I have to fill my bookshelves on shitty reads.

So, could a convergence of those two things mean that I have my very own grinch moment where my heart grows three times its normal size and I start giving out good reviews like I’m Oprah giving out cars? Or my cat giving out poop on the carpet? Unlikely. But then, I would have guessed Trump and COVID were unlikely, too. And yet, here we are.

This simulation/multiverse timeline is fucked up.

Despite that, here are the ten books I read last year that made this *gestures broadly at everything* a little more worth it.

Continue reading “My Top Reads of 2021!”

All the Books I Hated in 2021!

And I’m back! Happy New Year!

50 Best 2022 Memes | Daily Funny Memes | Best Damn Photos

2021 has come & gone in the blink of an eye and a pile of books (that keeps getting bigger, please send help.) And let me tell you, some of the books I picked from that pile in 2021 were fucking shit. So, as is my tradition at Here’s The Fucking Twist, the first post of the new year is dedicated to all the books I read last year that were disappointing, rage-inducing or just straight-up garbage.

Before I write a new post for this particular series, I always go back and read the one I wrote the previous year to see what I had to say – what was my mindset going into the new year?

Apparently, I had a lot more optimism at the start of 2021 than I ended with. It was a hard year, a stagnant year, another year of a global pandemic that really revealed to me how stupid people are and how much we all hate each other. So that’s fun and not at all depressing. It’s one of the reasons I’m going into 2022 with trepidation. I’ll keep some optimism, because I have to, but like… from a distance. I’m giving 2022 a wide berth. This year can stay over there and I’ll be over here, in my house. Again. Still. Forever. No one fucking talk to me unless you are definitively not an asshole.

Andy Samberg Beer GIF by The Lonely Island

While 2022 will certainly bring its fair share of shit books because I’m like a goddamn magnet for them, let’s get back to saying goodbye to all the terrible ones I read in 2021. Books that did nothing to distract me from the plague-ridden hellscape we call Earth. I was my hands (for 30 seconds!!) of them!

I did, however, manage to read 75 books in total which is an improvement from what my trauma-response brain was capable of in 2020. Like, I traded Twitter doom-scrolling and mainlining American 24-hour news for Goosebump books and shitty ARCs.

That’s got to count for something. Do we consider it a step up? We’re going to.

So, cheers to all the truly shitty books out of 75! *Barry Manilow voice* Looks like we made ittttt!

I read them so you don’t have to, friends!

Continue reading “All the Books I Hated in 2021!”

🎄Merry Everything and Happy Whatever!

That’s right, it’s here again! My annual “end of the year” post to wish you a very happy holiday season, whatever you lovely book nerds and murderinos celebrate. I can’t believe I’m writing another one of these. Smash Mouth got it right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming…

So, it is T-minus 5 days until that Very Merry Morning, and honestly, I’m not sure how we got here. Like, first it’s Christmas and then what’s next? The new year?! Excuse you, stupid fucking calendar! I’m just supposed to accept that it’s 2022? How? And why? And how again?

I’m still processing 2020, but somehow two more years have come and gone in this unprecedented pandemic that gets more and more precedented the longer we keep doing half-measures. I didn’t read as much as I hoped to this year, my blogging fell off, my mental health has been teetering right on the edge for twelve full months, and I didn’t get my shit together physically like I wanted to.

Really all I got out of 2021 was another year older, under eye cream for fine lines and a little agoraphobia.

That’s some bullshit, but I guess there’s always next year.

unimpressed fry GIF
Continue reading “🎄Merry Everything and Happy Whatever!”

“Yes, It’s a Christmas Movie!” Your Essential Holiday Horror Watchlist #Slashmas

If you’re like me, horror movies are a year-round staple, there for you in any situation.

Sad? Silence of the Lambs. In need of a comfort movie? The Conjuring. Feeling that itch once again for Vincent D’Onofrio to visually traumatize you? The Cell. Feeling nostalgic? Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Celebrating your Anniversary? The Exorcist. Just want to have a good time? Scream. Looking to reaffirm your decision to not have children? The Omen.

But there are two seasons that demand an inordinate amount of horror movies. Halloween, obviously. And Christmas/whatever you celebrate this time of year (personally, for me, it’s Yule.)

I feel like Christmas horror tends to get forgotten in the tidal waves that are traditional Christmas movies and all that Hallmark shit. Hey, if you love that Hallmark shit, no judgement. I’m just saying I would much rather watch someone get dismembered by a psychotic Santa than another single career-woman learn the true meaning of Christmas from some square-jawed local after she returns to her hometown.

And they lived happily ever after… no, I want chaos!

christmas horror GIF by Trent Shy Claymations

For me, there is no better way to get into my seasonal feels than a dark winter night with a decorated tree, cozy pyjamas and a sorority house being terrorized on Christmas Eve by the calls coming from inside the house.

So, if you’re looking for a little blood & guts with your merry & bright, I’ve got all the recs you ho-ho-hoes are going to need this holiday season.

I’ve listed everything in alphabetical order to keep it simple, but look for the 🔪 to know whiches ones I highly recommend.

Continue reading ““Yes, It’s a Christmas Movie!” Your Essential Holiday Horror Watchlist #Slashmas”

True Crime Tuesday: The Christmas Eve Murder of Za’Zell Preston

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

Happy Holidays, weirdos… and also regular people who are not sure how they ended up on my blog but are reading this anyway! All are welcome. Except for assholes. I have a strict no-assholes policy around here. I have a sign made out of cardboard and Sharpie on my office door and everything. My cat, as she is wont to do, keeps ignoring it. Maybe I need to edit it. No Assholes ALLOWED… also no one who poops on my carpets ALLOWED!

But also she can’t read. So…

Cat Smoking GIF by sheepfilms

This will be my one and only true crime post for December, but considering I haven’t written one since July, it’s kind of like a Christmas miracle, if Christmas miracles look like me just doing a thing I said I would do.

With that in mind, I want to say Hey Girl, hey! to Brandie, who messaged me recently about these true crime posts, because I have honestly been wondering for a while if I should keep writing these or just ditch that part of my blog altogether. Sometimes messages from readers come at such serendipitous times.

Now, here I am with a new post! Appreciate you, Brandie!

So, before we get into it, there are a couple things I want to make clear. One, I will be trying my best to not make any distasteful Weekend at Bernie’s references, but if you think it, just know I thought it, too. But we both know we’re not making fun of the victim (because we don’t make jokes at the victim’s expense around here,) but instead are mocking the fucking idiot killer who thought that shit would work.

Secondly, yes, the murdering piece of fucking shit is named William Wallace. Obviously, he is not the historical figure who Mel Gibson’s portrayed in Braveheart.

Because when it comes to this case, a Scottish knight would NEVER.

CW: domestic violence.

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Christmas Eve Murder of Za’Zell Preston”

Review: The Book of Accidents by Chuck Wendig

“Life’s fucked up. It just is. It’s got ups and downs and I say it’s worse not appreciating the good things, because then what’s the point? It’s like the Native Americans used to say, right? Gotta use all of the buffalo. Life is a whole damn animal, and you can’t waste any part of it.”

55782435

★★★★½

Del Rey Books | 2021

Filed Under: It’s only missing Voldemort


Oooo shit, this is one hell of a novel.

Coming in at nearly 600 pages, it looks like an intimidating read and ya girl is definitely not a fan of thicc novels, but let me tell you, this does not read like a big ass book.

There is so much happening all of the time in every single chapter, that the pace never takes its foot off the gas. You fly through this fat-bottom girl like… I don’t have a metaphor for this, but whatever. It’s a fast read is my point. You get it. And that’s a testament to Wendig’s plotting and writing voice.

I’m calling Wendig the Tolkein of horror because this book is an epic. This couldn’t be a movie. It would need to be a TV series to fit in every scene – they are all important and if anything was cut out I would fucking riot. Don’t get it twisted though, I don’t mean Tolkein in the boring, over-detailed way J.R.R. does fantasy.

Don’t come for me Tolkein stans! I don’t care! You know reading about thirty different kinds of rocks and trees is boring AF.

deny lil yachty GIF by Genius
Continue reading “Review: The Book of Accidents by Chuck Wendig”

Review: It Will Just Be Us by Jo Kaplan

49050947

★★★

Crooked Lane Books | 2020

Filed Under: Damien babies as birth control


I love gothic horror and I love haunted houses, so this book had all the balls in its court from the jump. Big balls, little balls. Balls of all sorts. We don’t discriminate around here.

But there was one serious downer that stood out for me: this is a wordy motherfucker.

When it comes to a genre novel that should be building suspense, dread and thrills because the story requires it, being too long or a maniac with purple prose can be a serious issue. The only time length isn’t an issue, is when the plot events are making up that length, like so much is happening it requires extra pages.

In this case, it wasn’t that there was so much story to tell, and certainly the page count isn’t very high, but rather that the author was far too interested in metaphors and purple prose and just couldn’t stop using them. Like, an intervention was needed. Without all that filler, this would probably be closer to being a novella.

Offspring on TEN offspring offspringonten GIF
Continue reading “Review: It Will Just Be Us by Jo Kaplan”