All The Books I Hated In 2020!

It’s that time of year again!

For my first post of 2020, I’m going to stick with the tradition I’ve fallen into at Here’s the Fucking Twist over the last three years, and use my inaugural post of the new year to complain about all the books I read last year that were disappointing, rage-inducing or just straight-up garbage.

Speaking of inaugural though, let’s take a moment to collectively unclench our assholes because TRUMP IS OFFICIALLY FUCKING GONE TODAY.

drag race no GIF by Robert E Blackmon

I’m having a moment of existential crisis, because what am I going to do without that spray-tanned dumpster fire to entertain/scare/enrage me every day while I binge watch American news?! I’m hoping whatever mental energy I devoted to (read: had stolen by) Cheeto Mussolini and these last horrific four years, will now be freed up to focus on reading and running this blog. But hey, maybe it’s a smoother transition to just become fully obsessed with not dying in a global pandemic? We’ll see. So many choices for my life!

Honestly, 2020 was a hard reading year for me. I’m sure some of you can relate. So many outside forces were stressing me THE FUCK OUT and I couldn’t concentrate on anything that required significant brain power. March to September basically saw me unable to get out of my pajamas, watching reality TV and doom-scrolling on Twitter. But, after today, I have a good feeling about 2021!

Though the pandemic is seemingly worse then ever, and I am stuck in an endless time-loop of being in my house doing the same thing every fucking day, I do think we’re heading towards better times.

So, while I head into 2021 with optimism and hope, let’s take a look back on all the books I read last year that did nothing to distract me from the hellscape of real life and only added to the negativity.

I read this shit so you don’t have to, friends! Let’s gooooooooo!!

Continue reading “All The Books I Hated In 2020!”

Merry Everything & Happy Whatever!

This is just a short post to say I wish you all a very Merry Everything and a Happy Whatever!

Whatever you celebrate, whoever you are – unless you’re a fucking asshole – I wish nothing but the best for you this holiday season and in the new year. If you’re down with Santa, I hope he is good to you… but I’m so sure he has an ass-load of coal to give out, too. Seems like an array of dickbags revealed themselves in 2020.

Speaking of dicks, we’re almost done with 2020!!!

And what a wild-ass trip it has been.

Between political dumpster fires, uprisings in social movements, environmental catastrophes and a global pandemic the likes of which we haven’t seen in a century – I’m fucking exhausted. Aren’t you?

Jason Bateman Snl GIF by Saturday Night Live

I don’t think any of us could have predicted the kind of emotional and mental toll 2020 was going to take. The changes we would make, the lives we would lose… it has been almost unprecedented… 1918 shoutout!

Continue reading “Merry Everything & Happy Whatever!”

My Top Reads of 2019!

As we saw in my post yesterday, 2019 was kind of a giant turd for me in terms of my reading choices. Going through my list, I only rated three books as five-star reads out of the 50 books I read, and one of those was a short-story, so…

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I just wasn’t feeling it last year, but 2020 is already looking up *knock on wood*…except for that fucking book I just read that was published by James Patterson’s imprint, goddamnit! I didn’t realize it had Patterson’s fingers in it (on it?) until it was too late. I’ll be more careful in the future, but as far as I’m concerned, the book was Patterson adjacent and doesn’t break my New Years resolution! Get away from me with that negativity!

Anyway, my review for that – Campfire by Shawn Sarles – will be posted soon…

meh steven universe GIF by Cartoon Network EMEA
Continue reading “My Top Reads of 2019!”

All The Books I Hated in 2019!

It’s me! The Book Bitch™ returning for my annual wrap-up of all the books I read last year that were disappointing, rage-inducing and just straight-up trash.

While I’m welcoming 2020 with open arms and optimism, and a new commitment to DNF-ing books that just aren’t working for me, lest we forget all the 2019 hot garbage that brought out the very worst in me, both mentally and in my reviews.

2019 had everything! Church shootings, mosque bombings, Notre Dame burned to the fucking ground. There were plane crashes, Boris Johnson, Nigerian state sponsored massacres, MORE SCHOOL SHOOTINGS, Nipsey Hustle was murdered and Jussie Smollet made a mockery of hate crimes. There were avalanches, floods, tornadoes and wildfires out the fucking ass. There were more Trump-inspired hate crimes then ever before and Trump officially lost his fucking mind in more ways than I can count. There were impeachments and covers ups and Russian bullshit. Don Cherry outed himself as a racist, Grumpy Cat died AND EPSTEIN DIDN’T KILL HIMSELF.

Then there were the books we read to escape all of that horrendous real-world stuff. Unfortunately for me, I read more crap books than I did good novels which just brought me down even further into the cesspool we call Humanity. I could not escape the negativity.

But in a very selfless, beautiful way, I did it so you didn’t have to. That’s the kind of human being I really am. Yeah, let’s go with that angle spin…

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As is tradition at Here’s The Fucking Twist, my first post of the new year is a look at all the books I hated in 2019! Let’s gooooooooooo!

Continue reading “All The Books I Hated in 2019!”

Booknerd Wednesday: My 2020 Bookish New Years Resolutions

Andddddddddd….I’m back! New decade, new blog post, new goals!

Tell me booknerds, how were your holidays?? Mine was busy and went by way too fast. I don’t feel like I relaxed at all, or was gifted anything to make me feel better about the amount of money I spent. I did, however, get drunk on Christmas Day for the first time in a decade. I stopped drinking-to-excess in college because I just do not like the feeling of being drunk and out of control, but somehow Christmas went off the rails for me. I think it was all of 2019 collapsing in on me.

You know how it goes: you’re making dinner so you pour a glass of wine. Cooking and wine go so well together that you’re not paying attention to how much alcohol you’re actually consuming. You’re getting wine-drunk so slowly that by the time you realize you officially passed the line of what’s acceptable in front of family two glasses ago, it’s too late. So you eat a bunch of crackers and cheese in a vain attempt to break down your blood-alcohol level, but you’ve had a bottle-and-a-half just to yourself! It’s over! You’re drunk! And now your mother-in-law starts saying things like, “I’m still on my first glass!” in this passively judgmental way, and your youngest stepkid is saying: “You’re fun when you’re drunk,” to the entire dinner table and you’re trying not slur when you respond, “I’m not drunk, I’m just a little buzzed. Issssaa not a big deal,”

You’re definitely drunk, and later, you try to vomit very quietly so no one hears how bad it actually was.

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Continue reading “Booknerd Wednesday: My 2020 Bookish New Years Resolutions”

Merry Fucking Everything!

This is a quick post.

I want to wish everyone who has stopped by HTFT, read my shit all year long, commented and interacted and made blogging such a fun experience for me in 2019, and stuck around even when I’m not posting as much, a Happy Whatever and Merry Everything!

I hope your winter holidays are filled with good times, good books and good food. You can tell Santa, if he isn’t good to you too, I’ll cut a bitch 🎅

Continue reading “Merry Fucking Everything!”

Thrillers for a Creepy Christmas (Or whatever you celebrate!)

Oh, shit, I’m so tired, you guys. This is going to be a chill post with lots of book recs, but just let me fucking complain for a hot minute.

I feel completely wiped out and I’m not sure why. I have no motivation when it comes to books lately. I think it’s because I’m so far behind in my reading. The more I look at the pile, the less I want to read, and the less I read the less I want to. It’s a vicious cycle.

The last quarter of the year has been a total wash for me in a lot of ways. I don’t know where the time went, or what I did or how I got to two weeks before Christmas and I’m not even done shopping yet.

I know a lot of people look at me like I’m crazy when I say that, in a “I haven’t even started yet!” kind of way, but I’m usually done shopping, with everything wrapped, by the first weekend of the month. I make it a point to push myself to get ‘er done because I’d much rather be home in the evenings watching movies, reading and enjoying the general holiday vibe, then stressing out with a sore back in a packed mall.

But honestly, I’m so off my game right now. I’m not sure I’ll even hit my reading goal (which I’ve already lowered once.)

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In a bit of good news, I recently started fostering a rescue dog! We’ve named him Jovi because he’s got 80’s hair band kind of fur. Check out my Instagram page (@thefuckingtwist) to see pictures of him in my highlights and stories.

Continue reading “Thrillers for a Creepy Christmas (Or whatever you celebrate!)”

All the Books I Hated in 2018!

Look, it’s no secret that I’m a picky reader and I tear books to shreds like it’s my fucking job. (It’s not and I don’t get paid for this.)

I have no shame or guilt in how I come across. Quite honestly, I wear my Book Bitch reputation like a badge of honour. I don’t do sugar-coating. I don’t do polite for the sake of someone’s feelings (that’s called lying.) And I don’t beat around the bush. Either I like something or I don’t, and if I don’t I’ll let you know why so that you don’t waste your sweet, precious life reading turds. Or on the flip-side, maybe all the things I don’t like, you do. And you’ll walk away from a negative review thinking you want to read the book.

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Either way, Inspector Turd Miner, at your service.

If you’re a writer – I do it so you can get better. No one ever grew from being told they were perfect just the way they are. I’m not here to tear you down, personally, only technically. I will have lots to say about plot points, pacing and other technical attributes of a novel, but I keep the other shit out of it. I think that’s important. And if you want to be a great writer, then listen to the negative reviews that are actually blunt, constructive criticism of the writing itself. I’m not saying listen to the shit talking. There’s a difference. I try not to go there… except for where James Patterson is concerned! *shakes fist* PATTERSON!!!!!

I don’t tear things down just for the fun of it, I do it so that everyone can grow. Do I have fun though? Obviously or I wouldn’t be here. (Like I said, I’m not getting paid.)

The upside to being brutally honest is that people trust me. If I say something is good, my friends tend to want to read it. Writers, publicists and publishers ask me to review things because 1) they are ballsy, and 2) if I like their book it’s going to stand out like a rose in a turd mine.

The metaphor there being that most of my reviews aren’t positive. Thank you.

In 2018, a read a few turds. And for one of my first posts in 2019, let’s take a look back at those books that have inspired me to start DNFing in the new year.

Continue reading “All the Books I Hated in 2018!”

My Top 5 Reads of 2018! (It was easy to narrow down because I’m such a grumpy bitch.)

Holy shit! Can you even believe it’s about to be 2019?!

confetti GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants

Because seriously, 2018 felt like the longest year on record. Maybe it was all of the racism, xenophobia, misogyny and fake outrage drummed up to make both sides of the political spectrum look insane – but seriously, my mental health took a beating this year.

We had the fucking Olympics this year? Do you even remember that? Does it feel like it happened in a different space and time? Because it fucking didn’t – it happened in 2018!

I’m drained. I’m exhausted. I can’t take any more negativity.

I started this blog at the beginning of 2018 with a post about how much Trump sucks, and how I needed books to get through the crumbling state of the world.

And I’m going to end this year with the same sentiment. Trump sucks. His supporters suck. Their bullshit is seeping over the borders of every other country, with racist, far-right dipshits seeing his successes (if you can call them that) as a sign that it’s finally their time to impose their hateful world-view on the rest of us.

Quite honestly, I don’t know how much more I can take. How hard is it to be kind? How hard is it to just let others live their lives in the way they choose to if it isn’t hurting anyone, even if you don’t understand it? I don’t understand the preoccupation with the benign details and choices that other people make.

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GET A LIFE.

That’s my hope for 2019. I hope all you hateful, obsessive motherfuckers can get a fucking life in the new year because I swear, that’s what’s going to fix you. If you had a happy and fulfilled life you wouldn’t be so fucking concerned with everyone else and where they put their body parts, or what colour their body parts are or what body parts they want to have. Just get a fucking life.

And my second hope for 2019, if you can’t get a life, is that you at least find a way to express your sexuality without guilt. A guilt-free orgasm, in exactly the way you want it with another consenting adult, can do wonders for a shitty fucking attitude.

Get A Life. Have An Orgasm. 2019🥂

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With that said, my hopes aren’t high for the coming year. It feels like a “everything needs to get worse before it can get better” kind of situation. Books are going to be as important to me in 2019 as they were in 2018, maybe even more so.

So, I want to take a look back on my top five reads of this past year. The books that brought peace to my personal bubble for a just a few hours.

Continue reading “My Top 5 Reads of 2018! (It was easy to narrow down because I’m such a grumpy bitch.)”

Booknerd Wednesday: My Bookish New Years Resolutions

Happy Boxing Day, Nerds! And for everyone in the U.S., hey suckers! Sorry, you all had to go back to work today while we get a second stat holiday!

But truly, I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season, no matter what you celebrate.

I’m probably still in my PJs, hopefully playing a new game I got as a gift from my husband after dropping heavy hints since my birthday about what I wanted next. *cough Hellblade cough*

My in-laws are probably about to hit the road to get home to NY, taking my stepkid with them so he can reluctantly spend some time with his mom who makes him feel, quote “trapped.” Aw yes, the pitfalls of having a shitty parent who you still have forced visitation with. The true meaning of Christmas… wait…

On a happier note, come Friday I will have officially started my three weeks of vacation that I’ve been saving all year. And Omigod, I need this break so bad. I’m going to be reading and reading and playing games and reading and rotating a nearly endless supply of jogging pants for the next 19 days.

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You can expect a lot of scheduled posts that I wrote the week before Christmas. To be honest, using the “post schedule” feature is probably what I should have been doing since starting this blog. Maybe then you’d have more of my salty AF reviews and ranty writings to read. I’ll try hard for the new year.

With that in mind, this post is dedicated to all my bookish resolutions for 2019.

The New Year is literally just around the corner and with that comes a lot of “new year, new me” bullshit posts about health and diet and being a better person. But not this one. Nope, not me. It’s going to be “new year, same me” for real. I just want to make a few tweaks to the bookish side of my life, but I promise to stay the same girl you grew to love know in 2018.

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Continue reading “Booknerd Wednesday: My Bookish New Years Resolutions”