Review: Save Me From Dangerous Men (Nikki Griffin, #1) by S.A. Lelchuk

★★★½

Flatiron Books | 2019

Filed Under: Pool cues and brass knuckles

I was committed and ready, and completely open, to falling head over heels in love with Nikki Griffin, bookseller and badass P.I. with some serious anger issues.

But, unfortunately, this didn’t totally live up to everything I wanted it to be. Call it a victim of my high expectations if you want, but I found this to be a just okay, middle-of-the-road thriller.

The star highlight for me is the main character of Nikki Griffin. I think she was complicated but real. She came with a dark backstory and a closed-off, tough-as-nails personality that didn’t slip away the moment she met a guy. For being a novel written by a man, I was pleased to find she didn’t talk about how her nipples felt or looked at any moment, since that seems to be a thing male writers are typically preoccupied with when writing female leads. Any comments that she made about her body seemed to me to be in relation to men looking at her and their sexual thoughts, and were less about sexually describing herself.

The way Nikki is introduced is pretty canon the whole way through the novel. She likes privacy, but she’s not dead inside. She keeps things close to the chest, but isn’t afraid to be vulnerable with the people she trusts. She’s strong, smart and professionally violent. All things I probably am, but just way less cool about it. Like, I daydream about breaking a man’s arm for hitting a woman, but really I just eat cookies about it.

Continue reading →

Review: Blood for Blood (Ziba MacKenzie, #1) by Victoria Selman

★★★

Thomas & Mercer | 2019

Filed Under: If Sherlock Holmes lacked a personality.

*Shakes fist at sky* I just want to read a legitimately complex female character! Just one!

Okay, so I liked this and it’s also a disappointment in some big ways at the same time, so… *fart noises*

Here goes my ranty review. I’ll try to highlight the positive stuff, but we all know that’s not my strong suit.

I could give some line about my expectations being too high when it comes to female-led crime fiction, or it’s not the book, it’s me, but I won’t because I refuse to apologize for wanting to find a female character who isn’t desperately crippled by a man in some way that doesn’t allow for robust characterization to occur outside of what revolves around that man. It’s fucking annoying me at this point.

Ziba MacKenzie is former special forces and an expert criminal profiler. SPECIAL FUCKING FORCES. She has a huge brain stuffed with lots of knowledge that is both practical and theoretical. Like, she can recite facts about serial killers but can also save lives in dire situations.

amber rose conan obrien GIF by Team Coco

Continue reading →

Review: The Winters by Lisa Gabriele

★★★½

Viking | 2018

Filed Under: A stepmother who my stepkids should be nicer to!

Just like other reviews aplenty will tell you, this novel is inspired by a classic novel and blah blah blah. I don’t know the book. I might know the author’s name? I’ve never read it and I didn’t know any of the “inspiration” going into reading this, so it really makes zero difference to me whatsoever.

Look, I never claimed to be a refined reader.

I read this novel purely for the gothic feel of the synopsis and because I’m a stepmother married to an older(ish) man and those themes resonated with me. I haven’t found many stories centring on stepmothers/second wives that are actually mystery/thrillers and don’t paint step-parents as some ridiculous evil creature to be feared and ousted.

I wagered, because this book was told from the stepmother’s point of view, there was a good chance she wasn’t the villain per se. And thankfully, I was right! The stepmother isn’t the villain for once! She’s more of a saviour, which is totally how I see myself, just with less doing things that make anyone’s life better, and more being so peeved that I never get to play my PlayStation anymore that I bought a second one out of passive aggressive spite. Like, I’m so selfless. LOL.

unbreakable kimmy schmidt xanthippe voorhees GIF

Continue reading →

Review: Her Last Move by John Marrs

★★★½

Thomas & Mercer | 2018

Filed Under: A subway nightmare, and I’m not talking about Jared

I don’t know why I thought this was going to be a serial killer “thriller”… I mean, in some ways it is. There is a serial killer. And cops. And stuff is happening.

But, holy shit, this might be the most depressing crime fiction novel I’ve ever read. John Marrs are you OKAY? Blink twice! This just hit me dead centre in all my sad feels like a British episode of This Is Us or some shit.

I don’t want to give any spoilers, but I will say this: one of the main reasons I love crime fiction so much – besides the psychologically fascinating elements – is that the good guys win and the bad guys lose.

The world is shitty enough and bad guys seem to win a lot, especially lately. So, it’s nice to be able to immerse yourself in a world where the bad guy is going to get his just desserts, sooner or later. I love to know, no, I need to know, despite the overwhelming evidence around us, that good will triumph over evil.

And for that to not necessarily happen in a way that feels satisfying like it typically does with novels of this kind, is a bit of a punch in the gut.

Kudos to John Marrs for bringing everyone down, I guess.

Continue reading →

Review: Pretty Ugly Lies by Pamela Crane

It seems like everyone who settles down is miserable. They’re either broke or stressed or plagued with a sense of duty to someone who doesn’t appreciate them.

★★★½

Bloodhound Books | 2018

Filed Under: Whiny bitches, but like, I totally get it.

This book is going to vibe with different women in different ways because the content is so heavily focused on the various “caregiver” roles that women play. Wife, mother, friend, sister, lover.

It focuses on those roles with a decidedly negative lens. Like, suuuuuuuper negative. Like, if you were thinking about getting married, this will give you pause. If you are on the fence about having kids, this will confirm your worst fears.

Literally, everything is presented as a living nightmare and I’m so grateful for my boring, drama-free life.

The story is told by four women – Jo, Shayla, Ellie and June – who all live on Oleander Way. Some know each other, some don’t, but they are connected by their neighbourhood, Desperate Housewives style.

Continue reading →

Review: Guess Who by Chris McGeorge

“Today, we are going to be playing a little game of Murder.”

★★★½

Hanover Square Press | 2018

Filed Under: If Maury and Robert Stack had a baby, but that baby was drunk all the time.

I went into this novel with every intention of loving it. I swear to the god of thunder. But okay, obviously I didn’t completely get there. Story of my life. No one is shocked.

Guess Who started off as a five-star read until I passed the halfway mark and then this cookie fell apart into crumbly pieces. For the first half of the book, it is very much SAW meets Clue, minus the horror elements. It creates a sinister tone and frantic pace that definitely had me hooked like a stupid fish. It’s a locked-room mystery that feels both extravagant and desperate, and that definitely worked for me in a totally non-sexual sexual way.

Morgan Sheppard is a TV star who has made a living doing a Maury meets Unsolved Mysteries-style show called Resident Detective, which I would have definitely watched when I faked sick as a kid… or even now as an adult.

As a child, Morgan solved the murder of his math teacher and created a very successful career riding (read: exploiting) his 15 minutes. Through his fame and guilt, he’s turned into an alcoholic, drug addict and womanizer. The only problem is that Sheppard has been full of shit for a very long time. And someone knows it. And someone hates him.

This villain, known as The Evil Man, who wears a goofy fucking horse mask, locks Sheppard and five other people in a hotel room with a dead body in the bathtub. Sheppard has 3 hours to find the killer – one of the people in the room – and prove what kind of detective he really is, or the hotel will be blown up.

Continue reading →

Review: Wychwood (Wychwood, #1) by George Mann

★★★

Titan Books | 2017

Filed Under: Running through the woods, Jason style, drinking tea

I’m wavering between 2 and 3 stars for this one because, on one hand, it’s not a bad book. The writing is good, the characters don’t suck, the setting is kind of spooky, and the crimes were unique, not something I’d ever read before.

But then, on the other hand, if I think about it, this book was super formulaic; there was nothing different about the plotting or the villain’s reveal. And although the crimes were in-depth and thought out with great detail, the ending was also pretty predictable (read: typical).

Nothing about this book was outside the box, which is disappointing because it had every opportunity to be, considering it was working with a partly supernatural storyline.

It came across as if the author had read a bunch of mediocre crime fiction and decided those examples are how you plot a mystery. It’s kind of like movie scenes that we’ve seen a hundred times, but we know that they never happen in real life, yet we rarely question what we’re watching.

Why does the mother keep preparing a glorious breakfast feast for the kids/father/pets, just for them to only take one bite and then run out the door? Or why do so many people dream of being kissed by a beautiful woman, only to wake up and realize it’s the dog licking their mouth? Or someone calls with terrible news, and instead of explaining it, they say, “turn on the news!” and when they do, it just so happens to be at the very beginning of the event, so you get all the pertinent details.

There are a million more examples, but has any of that ever happened to you? Ever? If I make a giant breakfast, you’re damn straight every single person knew it was happening in advance, and they are going to sit there and fucking eat all of it.

Continue reading →

Review: Ink and Bone by Lisa Unger

“Never talk to strangers. If someone ever tries to take you, fight with everything you have. Scream as loud as you can. (He’d never told her what to do if the man was too strong and there was no one to hear her screaming.)”

★★★

Touchstone | 2016

Filed Under: I see dead people-ing it.

I don’t know why I keep trying to read books with psychic characters, because I never like them.

Also, apparently, this could technically be considered part of a series called The Hollows, but I have zero experience with Lisa Unger or that series, so perhaps that’s why I’m not as jazzed about this book as other readers have been.

This does read like a standalone for all intents and purposes, though.

Basically, what you have here is a twenty-something who is a developing psychic, so she goes to live with her grandmother, who is an experienced psychic, to get her psychic abilities up to snuff. While she’s doing her psychic training, she starts to hear a persistent noise – squeak, clink – and her psychic grandmother is all, “that’s your psychic gift telling you to start doing psychic shit,” so she gets onto the case of a missing child, who has some psychic connections in her life as well.

Basically, everyone is a goddamn psychic.

I’m not sure how a town full of psychics hasn’t been able to find the answer to “where’d that kid go?” but they haven’t, and everyone is distressed; marriages are falling apart, and life is just generally terrible.

Continue reading →

Review: Meddling Kids by Edgar Cantero

“What about the house? The pentacle? The empty coffins? The symbols written in blood?!”

★★★

Double Day Books | 2017

Filed Under: Jinkies and Zoinks!

Here’s a fun fact about me: one of my go-to stress-relieving pastimes (and just pastime, in general) is getting as baked as a potato. And what often follows is watching Scooby-Doo.

I have always had an affinity for mystery-solving kids because I wanted to be a mystery-solving kid. But as it turned out, I had really boring neighbours growing up, so as much as I tried to catch them committing nefarious acts, my Rear Window/Disturbia moment never happened. I had to live vicariously through shows like Ghostwriter, The Secret World of Alex Mack and the Scooby Gang.

So, kick me in the crotch and spit on my neck if I wasn’t through-the-roof excited to find that someone had taken my beloved Scooby Gang and used it as the basis for a brand new adult caper! Not only that, it’s mixed with a little Lovecraft flair?!

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE, my heart screamed.

Turns out, my heart jumped the gun, and it is still firmly in the “cartoons and weed” category.

That’s not to say that this wasn’t a fun read. It totally was. It just didn’t live up to the hype or the nostalgia it so clearly was trying to honour. But A for effort!

Continue reading →

Review: The Ancient Nine by Ian K. Smith

“Money has an insidious way of making decent human beings behave in a most indecent way.”

★★½

St. Martin’s Press | 2018

Filed Under: The Skulls but boring and without Joshua Jackson so it’s like what’s the point?

Have you ever read a novel and can immediately tell it’s written by a first-time author because they don’t know how to chill the fuck out with descriptive passages and scenes that don’t further a plot?

Yeah. This book suffers from that in abundance.

The heart of the novel is that of Spenser Collins, a young Black man attending Harvard in 1988. After becoming an unlikely candidate to join one of the University’s secret societies, The Delphic, Spenser and his buddy Dalton, stumble upon a fifty-year-old mystery – the disappearance of another young student in the 1920s who was never heard from again after illegally entering the Delphic’s mansion in search of the answer to the question: Is there really a secret society within the secret society called the Ancient Nine who spend their whole lives guarding an invaluable secret?

I mean, part of me was thinking of the movie The Skulls circa 2000. You know, Joshua Jackson and Paul Walker getting into some deadly adventure after joining a secret society that will do anything to protect its secrets, protect its own, its power and its money? But sadly for me, this book hits a decidedly different tone, while maintaining that “boys club” feel and presenting the objectification of women as a good thing.

Continue reading →