Review: Tideline by Penny Hancock

★

Plume | 2012

Alternate Title: Kept in the Dark

Ugh, what the fuck did I just read?

This missed the mark on being a psychological thriller in a big way – it’s basically borderline pedophilia fiction.

*shivers*

I just can’t EVEN with this shit.

I was so uncomfortable my entire reading time, beginning to end. I’m still uncomfortable thinking about it to write this review.

A quick synopsis: Middle-aged Sonia – unhappily married with a grown daughter – plies 15-year-old Jez with drugs and alcohol in order to make him compliant so she can hold him captive in her home, because he reminds her of her first real love, Seb, who died when they were teens ( and also another thing that I won’t spoil, but really, it’s disgusting. I won’t say it, but you probably know somewhere deep down what I want to say. I won’t say it. But I’m saying it without saying it. Like telepathically. You get it.)

So, you know…gross.

Sonia gave me the worst case of heebie-jeebies I’ve ever had. She 👏 is 👏 so 👏 fucked 👏 up.

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Review: LoveMurder (Valerie Hart, #2) by Saul Black

★★★★

Orion | 2017

Filed Under: Hannibal Lecter’s psychotic sister.

I’m not the religious type, but give me a book like this and I suddenly start worshiping the Gods of Literature. You know – Stephen King, Agatha Christie and… I don’t know, who else do you guys like? Ugh, whatever.

Six years ago Katherine Glass abducted, heinously tortured and killed young women all over San Francisco until Det. Valerie Hart caught her and put her away for life. *cue the sound of prison gates slamming shut*

But Katherine didn’t commit her crimes alone, and her partner — The Masked Man, who is probably even more deranged than Katherine — was never caught.

Now, the murders have started again. The Masked Man is back on his bullshit. Left with each body is an envelope addressed to Valerie containing complicated clues and ciphers that will point the police to the next victim. Figure out the puzzle fast enough, save a life. But only Katherine Glass has the personal insight to decode the Masked Man’s clues, forcing Valerie to work with a killer.

Katherine promises she only wants to help – she’s never forgiven the Masked Man for leaving her high and dry. She just wants time out of her cell, maybe some mental stimulation. But can Katherine really be trusted? (I mean, obviously, the answer is “probably not”, but let’s just go with it.)

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Review: Into the Water by Paula Hawkins

“People turned a blind eye, though, didn’t they? No one liked to think about the fact that the water in that river was infected with the blood and bile of persecuted women, unhappy women; they drank it every day.”

★★★½

Riverhead Books | 2017

Filed Under: Troublesome women for the win.

My favourite book of 2016 was The Girl on the Train. And yes, I know that’s such a cliché thing to say in starting this review. And it’s such a shit thing to do — to compare these novels. It’s not like I want to compare them. I’m trying really hard not to, but I read this novel because I wanted to consume The Girl on the Train in order to have it inside of me, I LOVED IT SO MUCH (shit movie though.)

So, honestly, I’m going to try to divorce myself as best I can from my previous experience with Paula Hawkins, and just focus on the merits of this novel as a standalone piece of fiction.

That said, I did like this. But I didn’t LOVE IT.

Quick synopsis: Small UK town. Nel Abbott is writing a novel about the many deaths in a local river nicknamed The Drowning Pool. Then Nel dies in The Drowning Pool. Was it suicide or murder?

“Beckford is not a suicide spot. Beckford is a place to get rid of troublesome women.”

I got off to a shaky start with this because of the sheer volume of characters and changing POVs. I think there are 10 different voices, as well as excerpts from Nel’s manuscript that are essentially quick POVs of each of the women who have died in The Drowning Pool. Bringing the grand total up to 14 voices (if I’ve not forgotten anyone.)

I settled in about 50% of the way through, finally getting a handle on whom each character was and why their POV was important. There wasn’t a single time I thought a character’s chapter was useless, but I still have to question whether there was a way to write this novel by cutting some of them out? Just to un-muddy the waters, no pun intended.

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Review: All the Beautiful Lies by Peter Swanson

“People hate to see other people happy. Remember that.”

★★½

William Morrow | 2017

Filed Under: Wears polo shirts for the fashion, and eats oatmeal because he thinks it tastes good.

For someone who has never read Peter Swanson before and casually likes to pick up a psychological thriller every now and again, this book will probably seem like a win.

But for someone (ya girl) who has read Peter Swanson before and been blown away but how he weaves a story, and also spends a lot of her time reading this particular genre, All The Beautiful Lies was a big ol’ *fart noises* letdown.

I’m coming away from the reading experience wondering, “what was the point of this?” To be thrilling? To be thought-provoking? To be emotionally stirring? To be a commentary on inappropriate relationships?

It seemed to have aspirations to be all of those things, but the execution was sub-par, leaving the ideas underdeveloped and abandoned on the page.

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Review: And The Trees Crept In by Dawn Kurtagich

“Rotting in your skin, rotting in your mind. You are rotting in this house. In this house you’ll die.”

★★★★

Little, Brown Books for Young Readers | 2016

Filed Under: Stay out of the forest.

This book is a love story between sisters. It’s a love story about a boy who can’t love. It’s a story about a teenage girl trying to decide what decisions are best while carrying guilt and confusion and stumbling through her reality, unsure and uneasy.

But mostly it’s creepy AF.

Silla Daniels, and her mute sister Nori, arrive at their aunt’s decrepit mansion, La Baume, after having escaped their abusive father. They are looking for peace, for a place to call home, and they have pessimistic hopes that La Baume will be that for them.

But, you know, it’s not.

Because something is off. Their aunt is odd. The house makes noises that fill Silla with dread. And the woods surrounding the property seem to be moving closer to the house; woods where something dangerous lurks, something that won’t let them leave. Could it be the Creeper Man?

As the food supply runs dangerously low, Silla starts to lose her mind. Because at La Baume, nothing is what it seems.

“He’s out there,” I say, turning back to the window. “Always watching. Getting stronger.”

I read this on audio, and I have to say it’s probably the most interesting, engaging, well-done audiobook I’ve ever listened to. I almost felt like I was back in the days when there was no TV and families gathered around the radio to listen to shows. The narration was beautiful and bold, and the production value filled my ears with so much tangible setting that I felt like I was there, an unseen observer.

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Review: In A Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Ware

“It was growing dark, and somehow the shadows made it feel as if all the trees had taken a collective step towards the house, edging in to shut out the sky.”

★★★

Gallery/Scout Press | 2016

Filed Under: The first time Reese Witherspoon lied to me.

This is an atmospheric oddball suspense mystery novel that I liked, and at the same time, I fucking hated? Like I’m so torn. Save me.

Here’s the problem. The main protagonist, Nora, is a fucking loser. I’m just going to put it out there. She’s a loser.

She’s 26 years old and still pining away for the boyfriend she had when she was 16. That’s weird to me. Ok, sure, it was a messy breakup, he broke her heart into a million tiny teenage girl-shaped pieces and she never got closure. But how does someone never move on, like at all? Has she ever had sex with someone else? Gone on a date? It’s just so pathetic to me.

How many grown-ass women are out there decidedly becoming Bridget Jones-esque spinsters because their high school sweetheart peaced out during a difficult time in their life? SHOW OF HANDS PLEASE. I won’t judge, despite what this review might suggest. I just need a headcount and to tell you to get over it. Find a man (not a boy) that knows how to work a G-spot and make you dinner, and you’ll be over that high school flake in no time. Goddammit, NORA!

“I have not spoken to him for ten years, but I thought of him every single day.”

BARF.

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Review: Behind Closed Doors by B.A. Paris

★★★

St. Martin’s Press | 2016

Filed Under: No one has this much time!

I am feeling pretty meh about this whole thing.

I don’t know if it was the hype, or my standards are at some level that not even I understand, but other readers seemed to fucking love this and for me, it fell short.

It got off to a slow start. There’s an obvious thread of unease to Grace and Jack’s marriage — her, the beautiful housewife and him, the successful lawyer — that you are quick to pick up on, but it takes quite a while to get around to just how nefarious Jack actually is. And by the time his true self is revealed, the story has taken on a stagnant quality.

Oh, more threats about Millie? Great. Did you want to use the word “perfect” a few hundred more times? Excellent. Grace’s friends are going to continue to think nothing is fucking weird as all hell? Okie-dokie.

So much focus is put on the small interactions — the paranoia Grace experiences in trying to figure out just how to act, and just what to say, in order to “win” against Jack — that it becomes quite tedious to read. And the plausibility is laughable. A high-powered attorney — who wins big and has his face splashed on the news, and who probably works 60+ hour weeks — also has time to monitor every single thing Grace does, to intercept all interactions, to feed her and care for her like a pet? How would any regular person have the energy for this, let alone a successful, busy attorney?

… Even if he is a fucking Looney Toon.

Oh yes, let me clean my prisoner’s poop bucket and cater their meals after a long day of work, that sound soooooo rewarding. Please.

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Review: The Good Daughter by Karin Slaughter

★★★★★

William Morrow | 2017

Filed Under: Forget a beach read, this is a thunderstorm read.

Yep, right in the feels.

I was hoping to write a really thoughtful review about this book, which I loved, and want all of you to love too, but right now my brain is a mushy mess.

For one, I’m getting over a head cold which has rendered me incapable of not much more than groaning and whining — noises that signal my husband to fetch me meds, water, food, or a combination of the three (he just has to guess.)

Secondly, I think the sheer magnitude of this tome has burnt me out. It’s a smidgen over 500 pages. And 99% of the time, when I read a book that big, I am screaming for editing to parse it down. But when it comes to the Quinn family saga, I wouldn’t know where to start. There is literally not a word wasted by Karin Slaughter — an epic feat when you consider just how much book there is to devour.

By the end, I was emotionally drained by Sam, Charlie and Rusty Quinn, and I don’t have the vocabulary left to fully express myself (she says as she goes on to write a dissertation-sized review)…

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Review: Lie to Me by J.T. Ellison

★★★

MIRA | 2017

Filed Under: People really be trying to get on an episode of Dateline instead of going to therapy.

“They built a life on lies.”

Okay, if you say so.

I was expecting a dark domestic noir thriller, and instead what I got were two assholes who married each other and could have avoided a lot of shit if they’d just, I don’t know, talked like people who got married for a reason.

Failing that, try therapy.

Their marriage issues were all tales as old as time. Nothing really shocking – He has a wandering eye. She can be cold and distant. They don’t communicate well. Sometimes they love each other, and sometimes they want to chuck plates at each other’s throats. Big deal, that’s marriage for a lot of people.

What’s not normal life for most of us, however, is the amount of money these two assholes have. Or the death of their child. Or the sinister events that engulf their lives very quickly.

Much of the mundane “crumbling marriage” tropes take place in an oversized, fantastical world of good looks, success, wealth and travel – extremes that are not realistic for the general population. So, somewhere between the banal issues of their marriage and the over-the-top baseline for their way of life, is where you will find me still deciding whether or not this book resonated with me.

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Review: UNSUB (UNSUB, #1) by Meg Gardiner

★★★★★

Dutton | 2017

Filed Under: I don’t reread books but I would reread this

I love Meg Gardiner. She is a favourite author of mine. Anything she writes I want to read. Anything she has to say about writing, I want to hear. She is a brilliant author with a talent for writing action-packed mysteries with perfectly placed twists.

UNSUB is, by far, my new favourite novel by her.

Hands down.

It takes elements from famous serial killers, both real and fictional, and boils it down into one epic, smart and intricate serial killer crime thriller.

Universe have mercy on my mystery-book nerd soul!

A quick synopsis: Caitlin is a cop. Her dad is a retired cop and he’s gone coo-coo for Cocopuffs after hunting a madman, The Prophet, 20 years ago and never catching him. Present-day, The Prophet is back, killing again in bloody crazy fashion and it’s Caitlin’s turn to stop him.

Obviously inspired by the Zodiac killer, this also takes elements from things like Se7en, Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs, Untraceable… and those are just the ones I can remember off the top of my stoned head, though I am sure there are more.

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