Review: The Last Time I Lied by Riley Sager

★★★★★

Dutton | 2018

Filed Under: This is definitely not Wet Hot American Summer.

I honestly didn’t think it was possible for me to love a Riley Sager novel more than I loved Final Girls, but then I read The Last Time I Lied and well, spit on my neck and kick me in the crotch, because this has usurped Final Girls as my favourite Sager read, if not one of my favourite reads ever. Period.

This novel makes me want to go to summer camp and investigate mysteries, but you know, it might look a little bit weird to be a 30-something at a sleep-away camp for kids when you’re not one of the counsellors.

“Dear Husband, I am homesick. But today I went in a canoe for the first time. The tweens here are bullying me.“

Sager is a world-class writer. I do not say that lightly or without conviction, because if you know me or read my reviews, you know I’m a judgmental bitch. It’s okay, you can agree.

So, when I say Sager is THE SHIT. I mean it. He breezes through the art of storytelling like it is the most effortless, natural thing in the world to him. An automatic bodily function.

Breathe. Beat heart. Write. Repeat.

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Review: The Dry (Aaron Falk, #1) by Jane Harper

★★★

MacMillan Australia | 2016

Filed Under: I didn’t want to be involved as much as the MC didn’t.

Ok, I’ll do it! I’ll go against the majority on this one! HERE I COME, MARTYRDOM.

But really, I have to say I found The Dry, to be, well, rather dry.

Yeah, the writing is technically good. The characters are fleshed out enough. The setting was different from the usual for me. There was a crime with a mystery to it. Past and present storylines were interwoven, and that can be tricky to do.

So, on the surface, it checked all the boxes. But, I just found it kind of boring. Again, I gotta say dry.

I think perhaps I’m not a huge fan of cold case-style mystery – where the predominant crime is old or closed. There’s no real crime to immerse yourself in. There’s no immediacy to the investigation. The crime scene is gone and you’re really just relying on people’s memories. That shit is iffy, at best.

Both crimes in this book fit this category, but the attention each was given felt lopsided. The murders of Luke Hadler and his family were the most recent. It is what pulled the MC, Falk, back to his shitty hometown. Their deaths are what he’s supposed to be investigating, it’s where the red herrings and misdirection come into play. But, the characters seemed too emotionally focused on the death of Falk’s friend Ellie from 20 years ago, while no one cared too much about Luke Hadler, except for his parents.

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Review: Caged (Agent Sayer Altair, #1) by Ellison Cooper

★★★★

Minotaur Books | 2018

Filed Under: Jigsaw meets the Unabomber

Okay, here’s my issue, I really over-hyped myself for this one.

I heard “police procedural” and “FBI agent” and “serial killer” and just lost my ever-loving crime fiction book nerd mind, expecting to fall rapidly in love with this; for it to be everything I need a book with those descriptors to be. I consciously recognized that I was doing it in the moment, but I made a decision to allow myself to be hyped for this.

…and almost immediately once I started reading, I needed to readjust my expectations because I knew I would be massively disappointed otherwise.

So no, this was not the mind-blowing read I wanted it to be. But, it was still good and I’m definitely on board for this as a series.

It has a very dark atmosphere with a Criminal Minds vibe. Profilers and some bureaucracy, but mostly disturbing puzzles that need solving. This completely connected with me, bringing together a lot of my favourite things, especially the psychology behind the murders.

It’s heavy on the procedural, medium on the twists (focused on the science side of the evidence, and less on physical events) and low on thrills. But that’s pretty typical for procedurals, and there’s room for all kinds of mystery/thrillers on my TBR.

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Review: All the Beautiful Lies by Peter Swanson

“People hate to see other people happy. Remember that.”

★★½

William Morrow | 2017

Filed Under: Wears polo shirts for the fashion, and eats oatmeal because he thinks it tastes good.

For someone who has never read Peter Swanson before and casually likes to pick up a psychological thriller every now and again, this book will probably seem like a win.

But for someone (ya girl) who has read Peter Swanson before and been blown away but how he weaves a story, and also spends a lot of her time reading this particular genre, All The Beautiful Lies was a big ol’ *fart noises* letdown.

I’m coming away from the reading experience wondering, “what was the point of this?” To be thrilling? To be thought-provoking? To be emotionally stirring? To be a commentary on inappropriate relationships?

It seemed to have aspirations to be all of those things, but the execution was sub-par, leaving the ideas underdeveloped and abandoned on the page.

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Review: The Next Girl (DI Gina Harte, #1) by Carla Kovach

★★★

Bookouture | 2018

Filed Under: Prom Night Dumpster Baby

This was pretty enjoyable, I have to say. For a debut in a series, it hit mostly all the right notes. But, at the same time, it was missing aspects that I look for to really make a procedural more than just the typical.

The story boils down to an abandoned baby, a woman who’s been missing for four years (who is the mother of that baby), and one seasoned — but borderline PTSD — detective on the case.

You hear all of that and you think, yes gimme! It sounds like the perfect recipe.

But I’m left feeling a bit like Gordon Ramsay on Master Chef when someone brings up a beautiful looking dish and he tastes it and says: “It looks fantastic, but where’s the seasoning? Did you salt the fucking chicken?”

Carla Kovach forgot to salt the fucking chicken on this one.

It’s a minor mistake in the grand scheme of things, but it means something is off the whole time you’re eating.

I don’t know why I’m doing a food metaphor, honestly. I hate food metaphors. And I hate cooking.

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Review: The Drowned Girls (Angie Pallorino, #1) by Loreth Anne White

★★★★½

Montlake Romance | 2017

Filed Under: Protect your lady-bits

I’m telling you right now, this book is the motherfucking shit.

Not even an exaggeration, honey.

And it’s the shit for one reason. Yes, it’s got murder. Yes, it’s got sex. Yes, it’s got a psycho serial killer. Yes, it’s hitting that fine line in the level of detail. Yes, it reads like real-life honesty. Yes, it’s got gore. Yes, it takes place in C to the A to the N to the A to the D to the A…

Hold on, did I spell that right? *goes back to check* Yep.

CANADA!

But listen to me readers and lovers: without Detective Angie Pallorino as a lead character, we would be sitting at a three-star rating. That’s just the truth.

Was there anything astonishing about the storyline? Not really. It’s interesting, but at the end of the day, it’s a police procedural. Extra points for taking place in Canada and getting my Canadian ass a little hyped because I’m always reading books that take place in the UK or the US. And quite honestly I’ve had just about enough of the United States at this moment in time.

I’m pretty sure serial killers obsessed with religious bullshit have been done to death.

But do you know what’s not done to death?

Serial killers obsessed with religious bullshit who are being hunted by Angie Pallorino.

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Review: Missing, Presumed (DS Manon, #1) by Susan Steiner

★★

The Borough Press | 2016

Filed Under: Bridget Jones’ Murder Diary

If you’ve ever thought to yourself “what would Bridget Jones be like as a homicide detective?” then you’ll want to read this book.

I myself have never wondered about Bridget Jones taking on different career paths, (really she does enough of that in her own stories,) but now that I have some idea of what a “DS Jones” would look like, I’ll tell you, it doesn’t work.

Missing, Presumed is the first book in the DS Manon Bradshow series – a UK police procedural revolving around the disappearance of the twenty-something daughter of a prominent doctor.

Overall I found this to be severely lacking on the police procedural part and overwrought on the personal character-study side, like to such an annoying degree that I’m physically disappointed by this book. And also fucking exhausted.

It’s certainly not what it was presented to be on the jacket or in the blurbs.

This “anecdotal, emotional personal story-time” style of writing is likely why the author draws comparisons to Tana French, but I’ve read Tana French and this is in no way as poignant, complex or relevant in its attempts to create emotionally stirring connections to the multiple character POVs.

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Review: Dark Game (DI Kelly Porter, #1) by Rachel Lynch

★★★

Canelo | 2018

Filed Under: Dan Abram’s Pecs

Welcome to another edition of Krystin Struggles To Write A Review For A Book That Was Just Okay!

These are my least favourite reviews to write. I think I’m a person who creatively operates best under strong swings on the emotional spectrum. I don’t know what that says about me psychologically, but I don’t want to either.

Writing a review for a book that didn’t get me fired up either way is kind of like being asked “how was your weekend?” by an expectant colleague and struggling to come up with an answer because all I did was lie around in my PJs mindlessly watching repeats of Live PD.

That Dan Abrams sure does like some tightly fit sweaters. And I am not complaining.

I don’t know, guys… Do you want to talk about this book or do you want to talk about Dan Abrams’ wardrobe? I’m leaning more towards the wardrobe. Blue is really his colour.

yas checking out GIF by Vanessa Marie Carter

Alright, alright! Let’s do this.

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Review: The Vanishing Season by Joanna Schaffhausen

★★★

Minotaur Books | 2017

Filed Under: Birthday cards and beer bottles doing their best to be creepy

This novel reads like the author really likes to watch the Hallmark Channel or Lifetime movies. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing if you’re into that.

Thor knows, I’ve binged all the Aurora Teagarden movies like a fucking champ.

The Vanishing Season ticks off a lot of boxes on the “Cozy Lifetime Mystery Checklist.”

That’s a thing. Let’s go through it…

In a small town (✓), Abigail Hathaway, who now goes by Ellery and escaped a serial killer as a teenager (✓), is now a cop herself (✓). But no one knows about her dark past (✓) and she intends to keep it that way. Ellery, with knowledge no one else has (✓), connects three seemingly unrelated missing persons cases that she’s never worked on (✓) and decides there must be a copycat killer in her tiny town (✓), but no one believes her (✓) and won’t unless she outs her true identity (✓). What this killer really wants is her (✓)! The killer starts to leave her notes and packages to let her know he knows who she is and is watching her (✓).

Ellery calls for backup in the form of a disgraced FBI agent (✓), who also happens to be the same agent that saved her from certain death all those years ago (✓).

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Review: Eighth Grave After Dark (Charley Davidson, #8) by Darynda Jones

★★

St. Martin’s Press | 2015

Filed Under: Pregnant Mirror Sex

It physically hurts to say this, like I have bad gas, but I must tell the truth: I did not like this book.

I really do love this series and the characters have a special place in my heart, but WHAT IN THE HOLY-HELL IS GOING ON?

This can be my problem with long-running series: at some point, the author wants to take things to a new, unexpected level, but because the story has been going on for so long the only place left to take readers is right off the fucking rails.

And this is the book in Charley Davidson’s adventures that dropped off the tracks and decided to go careening off a bridge.

First of all, this book read more like a romance erotica novel than a true Charley Davidson instalment and I was just not fucking into it.

In case anyone forgot over the previous seven novels, Reyes is hot. Reyes is sexy. Reyes is the hottest, sexiest Son of Satan that ever did exist. Also, he’s Charley’s husband. They are married. They got married. Charley married the Son of Satan and he’s hot and sexy and beautiful, and they are so so SO in love and have amazing, mind-altering, orgasmic sex. Reyes is more beautiful than any human male could hope to be…