DNF Review: Murder on the Rocks by Clara Nipper

“I’m fighting crime with my twat.”

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★

Bold Stroke Books | 2016

Filed Under: The butt plug was unexpected

Soooooo, honestly what the fuck is this? It’s been a while since I read something this cringe-worthy.

Part of my bookish New Years resolutions is to tackle my backlog of Netgalley arcs that I’ve been putting off reading. This is one of those books. And it’s going to be my first ever DNF @ 48%.

First of all, let’s talk about how this is presented to the reader – as a detective crime fiction novel. But, as far as I read, this book fits that category in only the most liberal sense of the genre.

The main character, Jill Roberts, is a detective. Check.

She visits a couple of crime scenes. Check.

And that’s about it.

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Review: Medea’s Curse (Natalie King, Forensic Psychiatrist, #1) by Anne Buist

“‘Let it never be said that I have left my children for my foes to trample on.’…Medea killed her children to punish her husband.”

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★★★½

Text Publishing | 2015

Filed Under: “I won’t be ignored, Dan!”

This book wasn’t really what I expected it to be – it’s a mystery, but definitely not a thriller, and has a lot more erotic elements than I would reasonably expect from a story without any obvious tells that it’s got serious erotic content.

But Dr. Natalie King isn’t really what you expect a forensic psychiatrist to be either, so the vibe is consistent at least. She’s outspoken, emotionally dysfunctional and has no problem pushing a prosecutor down courthouse steps. She’s bi-polar and irresponsible with her meds. She rides a motorcycle, fronts an amateur band and has a pet parrot. She lives in a warehouse and has affairs with married men. But she’s a motherfucking’ queen in her field – dedicated to her patients and to finding the truth.

I basically fell in love with her as a lead character.

It’s a good thing that this is the first in a series, because there is so much more that can be done with a character this badass and damaged.

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Review: The Drowned Girls (Angie Pallorino, #1) by Loreth Anne White

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★★★★½

Montlake Romance | 2017

Filed Under: Protect your lady-bits

I’m telling you right now, this book is the motherfucking shit.

Not even an exaggeration, honey.

And it’s the shit for one reason. Yes, it’s got murder. Yes, it’s got sex. Yes, it’s got a psycho serial killer. Yes, it’s hitting that fine line in the level of detail. Yes, it reads like real-life honesty. Yes, it’s got gore. Yes, it takes place in C to the A to the N to the A to the D to the A…

Hold on, did I spell that right? *goes back to check* Yep.

CANADA!

But listen to me readers and lovers: without Detective Angie Pallorino as a lead character, we would be sitting at a three-star rating. That’s just the truth.

Was there anything astonishing about the storyline? Not really. It’s interesting, but at the end of the day, it’s a police procedural. Extra points for taking place in Canada and getting my Canadian ass a little hyped because I’m always reading books that take place in the UK or the US. And quite honestly I’ve had just about enough of the United States at this juncture.

I’m pretty sure serial killers obsessed with religious bullshit have been done to death.

But do you know what’s not done to death?

Serial killers obsessed with religious bullshit who are being hunted by Angie Pallorino.

Alison Brie Kiss GIF by GLOW Netflix

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Review: Eighth Grave After Dark (Charley Davidson, #8) by Darynda Jones

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★★

St. Martin’s Press | 2015

Filed Under: Pregnant Mirror Sex

It physically hurts to say this, like I have bad gas, but I must tell the truth: I did not like this book.

I really do love this series and the characters have a special place in my heart, but WHAT IN THE HOLY-HELL IS GOING ON?

This can be my problem with long-running series: at some point, the author wants to take things to a new, unexpected level, but because the story has been going on for so long the only place left to take readers is right off the fucking rails.

And this is the book in Charley Davidson’s adventures that dropped off the tracks and decided to go careening off a bridge.

First of all, this book read more like a romance erotica novel than a true Charley Davidson instalment and I was just not fucking into it.

In case anyone forgot over the previous seven novels, Reyes is hot. Reyes is sexy. Reyes is the hottest, sexiest Son of Satan that ever did exist. Also, he’s Charley’s husband. They are married. They got married. Charley married the Son of Satan and he’s hot and sexy and beautiful and they are so so SO in love and have amazing, mind-altering, orgasmic sex. Reyes is more beautiful than any human male could hope to be…

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Honestly, this book might as well have been titled An Ode to Reyes Farrow’s Muscles and Beauty.

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Review: Seventh Grave and No Body (Charley Davidson, #7) by Darynda Jones

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★★★½

St. Martin’s Press | 2014

Filed Under: Blow jobs as portals to otherworldly secrets

So, in this instalment we follow our hero (sans coffee, the horror!) as she balances running from the 12 hell hounds sent to kill her, trying to solve a Friday The 13th style mystery, testing her growing abilities, learning more about whether she’s going to save or destroy the world as per the big ole prophecy, dealing with being pregnant with Beep, and of course, delving deeper into her dysfunctional relationship with Reyes.

At this point, fans pretty much know what they’re going to get when they pick up a Charley book. There’s not a lot to say about this series that hasn’t already been said, or can’t be said exclusively with gifs and some swear words.

Also, I don’t like pregnant Charley.

Babies ruin everything. There. I said it.

If the overall prophecy arc has been a favourite part of this series for you, then you’re in luck! We learn so much more about what the fuck is really going on, including all that Charley is capable of and what her destiny is shaping up to be.

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Review: Sixth Grave on the Edge (Charley Davidson, #6) by Darynda Jones

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★★★★½

St. Martin’s Press | 2014

Filed Under: Team Mr. Wong

I feel like this book is a watershed moment for the series. If you’ve been loving the ride so far, this instalment is going to test just how invested you really are in sticking it out with Charley.

If you’ve been iffy about Charley – whether or not you like her and her constant slapstick bullshit – then this book is going to be what tips you over the edge to one side or the other.

It is not your typical Charley Davidson novel. If you’re expecting to find a PI case that Charley takes from beginning to end… sorry, but no. There is a lot going on, a lot of defining moments, a lot of new plot threads that are introduced for the future of the series, and one hell of a cliffhanger.

(Seriously, the seventh book was available for download from my library and I borrowed that shit immediately after finishing this.)

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Review: Fifth Grave Past the Light (Charley Davidson, #5) by Darynda Jones

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★★★★

St. Martin’s Press | 2013

Filed Under: Reyes is awful, I don’t get it

You guyssssssssssss, I love Charley! Sincerely, I have massive amounts of affection for her.

I wish she was my friend, but she’s not real, so… We could get drinks together, gossip about people (both alive and dead), maybe get high in our pyjamas and then pass out watching Rick & Morty.

She’s just honestly one of my favourite female characters.

And really, you don’t even need to read this series from the beginning to get into it, (but it does help.) You can jump in whenever and immediately know Charley. Because her voice and her personality are clear and genuine from the beginning. Darynda Jones has her figured out and never wavers from that cannon truth.

This time around Charley is dealing with a lot and it starts from page one. A cheating husband, gunfire, being confronted by the police about how exactly she manages to solve cases the way that she does. Not to mention, her apartment is filled with dozens of dead blonde women who may, or may not, have been killed by a serial killer. They are the worst houseguests too – climbing her walls (literally), hanging from the ceiling (also, literally), straight-up ignoring her requests to communicate but then also getting in the shower with her. Like you do.

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