G.P. Putnam’s Sons | 2020
DNF’d @ 67%
I really gave this the old college try, you guys. Honestly. I kept reading, pushing forward like… an… iceberg? No. That’s a terrible analogy. Whatever. I was waiting for this novel to get scary or interesting, but at a certain point – 67% to be precise – I just couldn’t waste my precious reading time anymore.
Side note: Where does “old college try” even come from? I guess I could google it. Hold, please.
…okay, it either came from college sports or from the idea of taking a few tries before you pass a college course.
Do you even care? I legit spent some time googling that and it was kind of anti-climatic. I guess that works for a review about a boring AF book, though.
I was looking forward to reading this supernatural account about the 1912 sinking of the Titanic and the fate of its sister-ship, the Britannic, which also fucking sank in 1916.
Nothing was happening in this that I gave a shit about, so eventually, I just couldn’t find a point in continuing to read this. It is packaged as a historical reimagined supernatural horror, but it actually reads more like historical romance wrapped up in a little bit of supernatural-ness.
Not my thing. Maybe it’s yours.
Continue reading “DNF Review: The Deep by Alma Katsu”
Lyrical Underground | 2018
Filed Under: Don’t Dead, Open Inside
Eh, so this was a bit weird. Not terrible, but not great either. Because I’m so behind in reviews, I read this months ago and honestly, I’m still not really sure how I feel about it outside of one thing: editor needed.
This is the second novel in the Kathy Ryan series, but it can be read as a standalone because she’s barely in it. And when she is, there’s no information about Kathy that has too much bearing on the novel as part of a series. Really, without this being strictly marketed as in a series starring Kathy Ryan, I would never have known.
Seriously, why is she not in this book at all until like the 50% point? The chapter plotting is just so fucking weird. I’m sorry. Whoever saw this book plotted out and thought, “yes, good job,” was on drugs. And not the good kind.
Continue reading “Review: Behind the Door (Kathy Ryan, #2) by Mary Sangiovanni”
Imprint | 2019
DNF’d @ 53%
You know me – I generally don’t quit on books. I’m almost physically incapable of putting down a book if it means I will never know how the story unfolds. Even if I don’t necessarily like the story. It’s a neurotic trait that probably has something to do with the part of my personality that likes to know fucking everything, even the shit that doesn’t involve me.
Like, I don’t want to be involved in drama, but do I want to know about it? You bet you’re fucking ass. Tell me word-for-word what was said.
But, it turns out if the story is boring as all fucking hell, I have no issue putting it away and leaving it behind forever.
That’s the case with The Tenth Girl.
I am sorry, but this was possibly the most boring book I’ve ever read??? I’m struggling to think of something that has made my eyelids this goddamn heavy. All I can come up with is a curriculum book in tenth grade English class. I had my friend explain the book to me and I bullshit that essay like I do these reviews.
Continue reading “DNF Review: The Tenth Girl by Sara Faring”
Quirk Books | 2016
Filed Under: Don’t take acid in the woods.
I 👏 FUCKING 👏 LOVED 👏 THIS.
I own Horrorstör by this author, but I haven’t read it yet. I only bought it for the cover and format, without any idea of what the book was about or if I liked the author. And honestly, I wanted to read My Best Friend’s Exorcism for the same reason. This is 100% a “#bookstagram made me do it” read.
The alternate cover is gorgeous VHS 80s goodness. And the yearbook format print that I had was goddamn adorable. I literally read every single message written on the front and back covers with unabashed nerdy glee.
Clearly, Grady Hendrix is killing the book format game and there’s nothing that turns me on more than someone who throws cliches out the window and walks a creative path less followed in writing. It’s like half the reason I married my husband, who wrote me bizarre poetry on the reg.
But, it turns out Hendrix is also killing the horror writing game because this is one of my most favourite books that I’ve read in a while. And I’m so bummed it wasn’t in my life so much sooner.
I STAN GRADY HENDRIX SO FUCKING HARD.
Continue reading “Review: My Best Friend’s Exorcism by Grady Hendrix”
“Where else was I fundamentally wrong about life and the universe and how everything worked? Is life a cycle of us realizing how stupid we are over and over again until we die?”
November 2019 | Turner
Filed Under: Eric Andre screaming “let me in!”
While I love horror as a genre in any form, I admit I don’t read as much of it as I would like. And when I do read it, I find I’m disappointed that things aren’t as scary or twisted as I want them to be. Maybe my expectations are just too high. I’m 100% that book bitch. But I am making an
concerted effort to read more horror until I find my lane in the genre.
That said, for me, Twelve Nights at Rotter House is on the slow-burner end of the horror spectrum. For much of the middle of the book, I wondered if anything really scary was ever going to happen; I could feel my typical disappointment start to brew. There are some disembodied screams, unexplained noises, figures that disappear, and of course the quintessential dumbwaiter that never reveals anything good, but none of it was really getting my heart rate up.
The main character of Felix was a little overwrought in how skeptical he was of everything, and his extreme rationalizing created a slower atmosphere. Scary moments were consistently downplayed, sucking the spooky guts out of the story and lending itself to my question of if anything truly scary was going to happen because any time I thought something creepy was afoot, Felix came in and just Debbie Downer’ed all over the place.
He’s a dream killer, is what he is.
Continue reading “Review: Twelve Nights at Rotter House by J.W. Ocker”
Three First Names | 2019
Filed Under: Electric piss fantasy
This book is homophobic, misogynistic and gross-out horror for the sake of shocking the reader, and has zero literary value. Straight up. It’s garbage for the people who like garbage. So if you do, then please, jump onto the pee-soaked bed! It’s waiting for you!
Me, I’m using the rubber cover. I’m not prudish or easily offended or sensitive by any means, and I usually have no issue with a book that includes offensive themes with purpose, but this book has no purpose.
I am struggling to find the point to any of the fucked up things I just read. It feels like it exists only to have put demented thoughts onto paper. It exists just to be awful. There is no reason or moral or satisfaction to the ending. And I guess that’s just not my thing at all when it comes to stories. No judgement if it’s yours, but I can’t do it.
Continue reading “Review: The Bedwetter – Journal of a Budding Psychopath by Lee Allen Howard”
“[Fear] is the relinquishment of logic, the willing relinquishing of reasonable patterns. We yield to it or we fight it, but we cannot meet it halfway.”
Viking | 1959
Filed Under: THERE ARE TOO MANY DOORS.
The first time I ever came across this story was in 1999 when I was 14 years old and watched The Haunting for the first time.
Is it a good movie? Not really. But, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Liam Neeson in a murderous, haunted house? That’s always going to be a yes from me. And that scene where Owen Wilson gets his head lobbed off? Scared the shit out of me twenty years… TWENTY YEARS AGO?! Omg. *vomits in mouth*
So, there’s some nostalgia linked to this for me in terms of shitty 90s horror movies that I still have a fondness for.
I later saw the original 1963 adaptation which just didn’t really work for me because I was a dumbass teenager with a myopic view of entertainment and a shitty attitude.
In 2001, Scary Movie 2 pulled heavily from The Haunting and it has been seared into my brain ever since.
In fact, while I was reading this I suddenly had a desire to watch Scary Movie 2, so I did, and that was arguably a bad idea because for the rest of the book all I could picture was Chris Elliot with his gross tiny fucking hand.
Say what you want about quality, but the moronic movie is funny as hell.
Continue reading “Review: The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson”
Something is out there, something terrifying that must not be seen. One glimpse of it, and a person is driven to deadly violence. No one knows what it is or where it came from.
Echo | 2014
Filed Under: Russia is once again fucking things up for the rest of the world.
Yeah, okay, so I really liked this.
While I was reading, I was reminded of Supernatural where Castiel reveals his true angel visage to a woman and her eyes burn out of her skull. Humans are simply not equipped to handle the overwhelming righteousness of these holy warriors’ true form. But this woman couldn’t help but look. She needed to see, couldn’t live in that moment without knowing. And so, bad shit happened to her even though she’d been warned.
I feel like if I had been in Bird Box world, I’d be dead. For real, I give myself three minutes. Five tops.
I wouldn’t be able to not look at this mysterious, unfathomable thing that was causing people to lose their minds and horrifically kill themselves. I’d be tilting my head back, just taking a peak under my blindfold, like when I was a kid and cheated at pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey at birthday parties.
Continue reading “Review: Bird Box by Josh Malerman”
“On the morning of the exorcism, I stayed home from school.”
Titan Books | 2016
Filed Under: Don’t eat the pasta.
Finding really good, disturbing, well-crafted horror novels is hard for me, even though I love horror. Obviously, this is probably because I’m a picky bitch, but I regret nothing.
Paul Tremblay has been on my list of “horror authors to possibly trust” for a long time, but I think I put off reading his work to avoid the letdown.
But now that it’s officially “stick a pumpkin up my ass and pumpkin spice everything” season, I figure what better time than now to find out if Paul Tremblay is a horror author I can call myself a fan of?
And I’ll tell you, I think I am.
I didn’t love this with an unbridled passion like some other reviewers, but I did like it a lot.
Continue reading “Review: A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay”
CreateSpace Independent Publishing | 2017
Filed Under: If a less zany Ace Ventura was a werewolf.
Okay, first things first: I do not typically read werewolf fiction because I’m not a big fan of the werewolf mythos unless I’m playing Skyrim and become one to join the Companions, then it can come in handy.
Given the choices that we typically get – vampires or werewolves, pick one! – I am much more into vampires.
Not the sparkly kind who fall in love and insist on staying in high school forever and just want to do good even if their hearts are cold. No. Give me Gary Oldman’s Dracula, Buffy the Vampire Slayer or some 30 Days of Night absolute horror. That to me is so much more interesting and creepy. Vampires are the first horror monster to scare me as a child, making me pull the blanket up to my neck at night as if that would protect me.
People who turn into big, scary dogs are just kind of weird. But I get the appeal to horror fans.
That being said, this book is pretty decent even for a werewolf hater like myself.
Continue reading “Review: A Wolf Like Me (Thomas Spell, #1) by Andy Fitz”