Independent Publication | 2019
Filed Under: I see you found my trophy room, Dalton. The only thing missing is your ass!
Ugh, damn it…
This is such a bummer.
I really wanted to love this, but nope, couldn’t get there. It was just meh for me. It’s got all the things you expect from a slasher story – unsuspecting victims being gruesomely murdered in the woods by a psychotic killer – but, really all it has are things taken from other slasher stories. A lot of this felt off, like it was simply a copy of a copy rather than a story with something of its own to say. And it wasn’t exactly scary.
The plot invests in giving the cannibal killer a backstory, but I found it kind of boring, with pieces that didn’t totally connect. He was living independently off the grid, has excellent hunting skills, can make pants out of human skin and has escaped detection as a prolific serial killer for years, but he’s also intellectually disabled with the linguistic skills of a third grader? And he’s a cannibal, but also interested in keeping women as pets? Um, okay.
The killer was a mishmash of every other killer from other slasher stories and that felt kind of lazy. Like, just put Leatherface, Jason and The Hills Have Eyes cannibals into a cabin in the woods and then fold in the cheese. And voila! It’s this fucking guy.
Continue reading “Review: Camp Slaughter by Sergio Gomez” →
Jimmy Patterson | 2018
Filed Under: Hormones and BEST FRIENDS FOREVER
Okay, okay. I know what you’re going to say. But WAIT. I know this book is a James Patterson publication. And I know the forward is written by him. With that information in mind, you may be tempted to say that I’ve already broken my New Years’ resolution to not read any Patterson, but I disagree!
I’m calling this Patterson adjacent. It’s close, but it’s not on the target.
Also, I had no idea he had anything to do with this book until it was too late, soooo…
I’m leaving this up to the judges to decide.
Judges’ ruling finds…it’s not a violation! It is NOT a violation! The crowd goes wild…
Oh, the judges are me? Go figure.
Now that we’ve taken care of that, onto my review for this raging
Continue reading “Review: Campfire by Shawn Sarles” →
Three First Names | 2019
Filed Under: Electric piss fantasy
This book is homophobic, misogynistic and gross-out horror for the sake of shocking the reader, and has zero literary value. Straight up. It’s garbage for the people who like garbage. So if you do, then please, jump onto the pee-soaked bed! It’s waiting for you!
Me, I’m using the rubber cover. I’m not prudish or easily offended or sensitive by any means, and I usually have no issue with a book that includes offensive themes with purpose, but this book has no purpose.
I am struggling to find the point to any of the fucked up things I just read. It feels like it exists only to have put demented thoughts onto paper. It exists just to be awful. There is no reason or moral or satisfaction to the ending. And I guess that’s just not my thing at all when it comes to stories. No judgement if it’s yours, but I can’t do it.
Continue reading “Review: The Bedwetter – Journal of a Budding Psychopath by Lee Allen Howard” →
“People live through such pain only once; pain comes again, but it finds a tougher surface.”
Dutton Books for Young Readers | 2017
Filed Under: Start your egg timers.
I’m going to try to be nice.
And I’m going to try to be nice because while I didn’t really love this like I wanted to, I also didn’t hate it on its face. It’s not a bad novel in terms of writing, in fact, I think Stephanie Perkins has a hell of a narrative voice… she just doesn’t know what she’s doing with a horror novel.
I read this as part of my search to find a YA thriller that I actually want to rave about after I finish the last page, and I had high hopes this would be that novel.
It’s supposed to be a horror/thriller. It’s supposed to be, as per the promotion, “Scream meets YA.” The title, the cover – it’s all saying READ ME SO I CAN SCARE YOU!
You compare something to Scream and I say GIMME NOW.
I love Scream. I love all teen slashers. I grew up on that shit. It’s an important part of my developmental stages from child to teen to adult… which probably explains a lot.
But this is only comparable to Scream in the most basic way.
Teens. Killer killing those teens. Small town scared. End of.
This is not really a horror novel. It’s like horror-lite.
Continue reading “Review: There’s Someone Inside Your House by Stephanie Perkins” →