Review: The Writing Retreat by Julia Bartz

“That was the way of the world: if you were a woman, then you had a job to do, and that was to pretend to love everyone else walking all over your body, leaving imprints on your face. You were supposed to crave it, to beg for more.”

★★★★

Atria | 2023

Filed Under: “V is for this very surprising turn of events.”

Honestly, what the fuck was this?

But still – 4 stars.

This is one of the most ridiculous thriller novels I’ve ever read. It’s completely over-the-top, just off it’s fucking rocker. The plot read a dozen mainstream thrillers, burped and then said, “Hold my beer.”

And you just have to respect that.

All you ever hear is people complaining about remakes, reboots, how everything is the same and no one has an original thought in their head. Most thrillers and mysteries you read are, in some way, things you’ve read before with a different twist here and there. Then, when we finally get something original and outside the box, and people complain that it’s too weird or unbelievable.

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Review: Bloom by Delilah S. Dawson

“She is obsessed, she is compelled, she is called. She is a selkie, and Ash has her skin. It’s infuriating and delicious and easy and challenging and tumultuous and she is hungry for more.”

★★★★

Titan Books | 2023

Filed Under: The cottagecore has rotted.

This is a sapphic horror novel – two women, both equally giving off bad vibes in very different ways – fall in love after meeting at a farmer’s market.

It sounds just precious, doesn’t it?

Side note: My husband was going to propose to me at a farmer’s market. And then, not knowing his plan, I managed to say something about public proposals being my worst nightmare. So he changed his plan to something more intimate. Anyway…

Don’t get too caught up in the meet-cute of this novel, because everything else is a fucking insecure, anxiety-ridden hellscape of awkwardness and red flags and infatuation, and then like some gross shit I won’t get into because it’s all a big fucked up spoiler.

And trust me when I say, you do not want this to be spoiled for you.

Ash is a mysterious waif who runs an apothecary stall at the weekend farmer’s market, where she sells decadent cupcakes, homemade soaps and lotions, candles, pottery and plants… and whatever else off-grid no-waste purists make. Shoes made out of bark? Hats made out of grass? I saw that on Naked and Afraid.

Rosemary has a PhD, is a literature professor and just got out of a 3-year relationship with a shitty guy. She sees herself as Ash’s opposite, and when they meet, there are immediate sparks and Ro finds herself obsessing over this ethereal beauty who is everything she’s not.

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Review: It’s One of Us by J.T. Ellison

★★★★½

Mira | 2023

Filed Under: Throw the whole man away.

Well, well, well, how the turntables…

I don’t know what that means here, I just wanted to quote Michael Scott. It’s not really relevant other than I’m high and The Office is on.

What I wanted to say is well, well, well! I think this may be my favourite standalone novel that J.T. Ellison has put out. Like ever. I mean, of all time.

Maybe that’s saying a lot? I don’t want to give myself too much status here, but I’ve been going around the Ellison track for a while and she’s always an auto-read author for me.

I’ve been reading Ellison for like fifteen years. And that’s ugh, oh god what is time? Where does it go? Cotton-Eyed Fucking Joe. So, fifteen years. One. Five. That’s that. And I feel like this novel is such a perfect example of an author just getting better and better.

There’s something special about this one. It starts out immediately with the prologue – the prose kicking everything off is seriously captivating. As you settle into the narrative, it feels more connected, more emotional and more honest than the typical domestic thriller. There is life here. The author clearly poured real emotions onto the page. And in the end, everything comes together with a perfect twist.

Did I like any of these characters? No, I didn’t. But I did like reading them and how they navigated this totally bananas Our Father-ish plot. But seriously, minus half a star because no one punched Park in the throat. I would have really loved to see that.

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Review: My Summer Darlings by May Cobb

★★★½

Berkley | 2022

Filed Under: Serial killers with BDE.

This novel is fucking ridiculous, but I read it in one sitting, staying up until 4am to finish it. I was exhausted and grumpy the next day, but I drank an iced coffee the size of my head as a remedy and then it was all worth it.

Win/win situation.

I just could not put this down even though it is kind of dumb… but dumb in a fun way. Like, it just made me happy how bananas the whole plot was. When book nerds say something is a popcorn read, this novel is the definition. It’s pure entertainment without any real rhyme or reason for why any of it is happening. You just know you’re having a good time.

This is Desperate Housewives meets Fatal Attraction meets The Boy Next Door.

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Review: Razorblade Tears by S.A. Crosby

“But if all of this has taught me one thing, it’s that it ain’t about me and what I get. It’s about letting people be who they are. And being who you are shouldn’t be a goddamn death sentence.”

★★★★★

Flatiron Books | 2021

Filed Under: Life is short, don’t be a fucking asshole.

Well, this ruined me emotionally, thanks so much.

Two men – an interracial married couple with a young daughter – are murdered in what appears to be a hate crime. Their fathers – Ike and Buddy Lee, boomers with nothing in common but anger and bigotry – seek out their sons’ killers under the influence of a maddening desire for revenge and their own redemption.

Oooh boy, talk about some heavy, emotional shit in this plot!

It nearly took me out, honestly. And I, like, never say that. I don’t mean that to be precocious or all teehee I’m dead inside. No seriously, I never say that about books.

I literally cried at the end. Cried. Me! Ugh, Razorblade Tears are no joke, baby!

Look, maybe you don’t know me well enough to understand that I am emotionally internal like 98% of the time, but really I would rather put a campfire out with my face than cry. It’s a nightmare for me to be visibly emotional. But of course, crying is good for you, so I will occasionally make plans for total privacy and then put on dog rescue videos to release some pressure on the valve, you know what I mean?

Or apparently, I’ll read the ending of this book.

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Review: Such A Pretty Smile by Kristi DeMeester

★★★½

St. Martin’s Press | 2022

Filed Under: Men as demon dogs

I don’t think this necessarily accomplished what it was trying to accomplish, but as a feminist witch, I appreciate the effort.

It just needed more cowbell.

…or maybe less cowbell.

It needed more cowbell and less cowbell, simultaneously.

For one, the horror in this was way too understated, and at times, put on the back burner. And the soapbox aspects read like the author wanted to beat me over the head with how shit men can be. And like, I totally get it and I agree.

But the themes of women being judged, belittled, condescended to and dismissed by men tended to drown out the actual narrative, which was supposed to be about a spooky evil killer known only as the Cur who was ripping obstinate young woman into meat threads.

The author clearly has strong opinions that they wanted to turn into social subtext to add meaningful depth to the plot, but it could sometimes be less subtext and more screaming street preacher, you know what I mean?

Like, balance is all I’m looking for, so give me more horror and murder alongside the man-hating.

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Review: Red X by David Demchuk

★★★½

Strange Light | 2021

Filed Under: Humpty Dumpty sat on a fourth wall…

I really and truly wanted to love this as much as everyone else, but as should come as a surprise to literally no one, I did not. I liked it enough, but a few things were throwing me off – it reads like two different books, the pacing is uneven and the anthology-style chapters became repetitive in their sameness, lacking individual points.

I mean, I guess the point could be that bad things happen to the LGTBQ+ community and there never is a “good” reason; it’s predictable and constant, existing because of cruelty – the cruelty is the point.

But maybe that’s too subversive for my weed-addled brain, so I struggled to be totally engaged.

That said, this is an LGBTQ+ horror novel that would be perfect for your Pride reading list and there are a million other readers gushing over it, so take my review with a pinch of, like, whatever you want to pinch, I don’t know, it’s up to you but I’m not forcing salt on anyone.

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Review: The Cadaver King and the Country Dentist – A True Story of Injustice in the American South by Radley Balko & Tucker Carrington

★★★★

Public Affairs | 2018

Filed Under: *flips a table and screams*

Well, shit.

This book is sobering AF.

It’s robust, in-depth and densely investigated from every angle, with the authors conducting over 200 interviews and reviewing thousands of pages of court documents to deftly present to readers all the ins and outs of a corrupt system.

I’m wholly impressed with this nonfiction account of Mississippi’s completely fucking horrific justice system and two men in particular who should be punched in the throat every time they step outside.

Like, top to bottom, what the actual fuck are we doing as a society that anything in this book was allowed to happen?

I took some time after reading this before writing my review because I needed to collect my thoughts and emotions – namely rage. Now that I’m sitting here writing this, I’m realizing I’ve actually not gathered myself at all and I’m back to confusion, rage and endless judgement.

Broadly, this book looks at bad forensics, racism in the justice system and shitty white men finding loopholes galore because of laws written by other shitty white men and other other shitty white men willing to cover asses to “get the job done,” so that in the end, all the shitty white men are richer and more powerful at the expense of truth, justice and innocent people’s freedom.

It’s absolutely fucking disgusting. But not surprising either.

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