All the Books I Hated in 2018!

Look, it’s no secret that I’m a picky reader and I tear books to shreds like it’s my fucking job. (It’s not and I don’t get paid for this.)

I have no shame or guilt in how I come across. Quite honestly, I wear my Book Bitch reputation like a badge of honour. I don’t do sugar-coating. I don’t do polite for the sake of someone’s feelings (that’s called lying.) And I don’t beat around the bush. Either I like something or I don’t, and if I don’t I’ll let you know why so that you don’t waste your sweet, precious life reading turds. Or on the flip-side, maybe all the things I don’t like, you do. And you’ll walk away from a negative review thinking you want to read the book.

Either way, Inspector Turd Miner, at your service.

If you’re a writer – I do it so you can get better. No one ever grew from being told they were perfect just the way they are. I’m not here to tear you down, personally, only technically. I will have lots to say about plot points, pacing and other technical attributes of a novel, but I keep the other shit out of it. I think that’s important. And if you want to be a great writer, then listen to the negative reviews that are actually blunt, constructive criticism of the writing itself. I’m not saying listen to the shit talking. There’s a difference. I try not to go there… except for where James Patterson is concerned! *shakes fist* PATTERSON!!!!!

I don’t tear things down just for the fun of it, I do it so that everyone can grow. Do I have fun though? Obviously or I wouldn’t be here. (Like I said, I’m not getting paid.)

The upside to being brutally honest is that people trust me. If I say something is good, my friends tend to want to read it. Writers, publicists and publishers ask me to review things because 1) they are ballsy, and 2) if I like their book it’s going to stand out like a rose in a turd mine.

The metaphor there being that most of my reviews aren’t positive. Thank you.

In 2018, a read a few turds. And for one of my first posts in 2019, let’s take a look back at those books that have inspired me to start DNFing in the new year.

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Mystery and Thriller Releases for Q1 of 2019!

Happy New Year, lovers, friends and fellow nerds!!!

Are you still nursing a little bit of a hangover? I hate drinking in my 30s because those headaches and stomach rumbles, and just overall feeling of having been hit by a truck, seem to last days instead of hours. Aw, the joys of aging.

But here we are again – another year gone, a new one just beginning. More birthdays on the horizon. It’s just one more trip around the sun. And I’m so happy to be here with all of you for the journey of talking about books and murder and maybe weed sometimes. Now there’s a way to avoid a hangover, get high instead!

So, while we float around on a rock in an unknowable universe, held down by an invisible force as we circle a giant ball of fire for another year, let’s read some books to pass some time!

2019 is shaping up to be a good year for crime fiction so get your budgets ready, your library card dusted off and your stretchy pants on! Here’s my list of the top buzz-worthy reads for the first quarter of 2019!

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My Top 5 Reads of 2018! (It was easy to narrow down because I’m such a grumpy bitch.)

Holy shit! Can you even believe it’s about to be 2019?!

Because seriously, 2018 felt like the longest year on record. Maybe it was all of the racism, xenophobia, misogyny and fake outrage drummed up to make both sides of the political spectrum look insane – but seriously, my mental health took a beating this year.

We had the fucking Olympics this year? Do you even remember that? Does it feel like it happened in a different space and time? Because it fucking didn’t – it happened in 2018!

I’m drained. I’m exhausted. I can’t take any more negativity.

I started this blog at the beginning of 2018 with a post about how much Trump sucks, and how I needed books to get through the crumbling state of the world.

And I’m going to end this year with the same sentiment. Trump sucks. His supporters suck. Their bullshit is seeping over the borders of every other country, with racist, far-right dipshits seeing his successes (if you can call them that) as a sign that it’s finally their time to impose their hateful world-view on the rest of us.

Quite honestly, I don’t know how much more I can take. How hard is it to be kind? How hard is it to just let others live their lives in the way they choose to if it isn’t hurting anyone, even if you don’t understand it? I don’t understand the preoccupation with the benign details and choices that other people make.

you are so cranky double double toil and trouble GIF

GET A LIFE.

That’s my hope for 2019. I hope all you hateful, obsessive motherfuckers can get a fucking life in the new year because I swear, that’s what’s going to fix you. If you had a happy and fulfilled life you wouldn’t be so fucking concerned with everyone else and where they put their body parts, or what colour their body parts are or what body parts they want to have. Just get a fucking life.

And my second hope for 2019, if you can’t get a life, is that you at least find a way to express your sexuality without guilt. A guilt-free orgasm, in exactly the way you want it with another consenting adult, can do wonders for a shitty fucking attitude.

Get A Life. Have An Orgasm. 2019🥂

big brother pop GIF by Big Brother After Dark

With that said, my hopes aren’t high for the coming year. It feels like a “everything needs to get worse before it can get better” kind of situation. Books are going to be as important to me in 2019 as they were in 2018, maybe even more so.

So, I want to take a look back on my top five reads of this past year. The books that brought peace to my personal bubble for a just a few hours.

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#HappyNewFears: My Bookish New Years Resolutions

Happy Boxing Day, Nerds! And for everyone in the U.S., hey suckers! Sorry, you all had to go back to work today while we get a second stat holiday!

But truly, I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season, no matter what you celebrate.

I’m probably still in my PJs, hopefully playing a new game I got as a gift from my husband after dropping heavy hints since my birthday about what I wanted next. *cough Hellblade cough*

My in-laws are probably about to hit the road to get home to NY, taking my stepkid with them so he can reluctantly spend some time with his mom who makes him feel, quote “trapped.” Aw yes, the pitfalls of having a shitty parent who you still have forced visitation with. The true meaning of Christmas… wait…

On a happier note, come Friday I will have officially started my three weeks of vacation that I’ve been saving all year. And Omigod, I need this break so bad. I’m going to be reading and reading and playing games and reading and rotating a nearly endless supply of jogging pants for the next 19 days.

You can expect a lot of scheduled posts that I wrote the week before Christmas. To be honest, using the “post schedule” feature is probably what I should have been doing since starting this blog. Maybe then you’d have more of my salty AF reviews and ranty writings to read. I’ll try hard for the new year.

With that in mind, this post is dedicated to all my bookish resolutions for 2019.

The New Year is literally just around the corner and with that comes a lot of “new year, new me” bullshit posts about health and diet and being a better person. But not this one. Nope, not me. It’s going to be “new year, same me” for real. I just want to make a few tweaks to the bookish side of my life, but I promise to stay the same girl you grew to ~~love~~ know in 2018.

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#Slashmas: My Bookish Holiday Wishlist! (Someone Please Buy Me These Books, Thank Youuuu)

I’m sure all of us booknerds are the same: We are asked for a wish list for the holidays – “What do you want for Christmas? Give me some ideas!” – and your ideas turn into a long list of books.

Generally, people are too nervous to buy me books (at this point in my life, I’m fully aware people are legit scared of me but I’m really not that bad?) so, I just end up with a lot of gift cards. But that is totally fine with me! The more excuses I have to walk around a bookstore the better.

So, today I thought I’d share the books that are top of my list this holiday season.

Image result for bookworm wish list cartoon

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#Slashmas: All the Winter Holiday-Themed Reads You Need!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, booknerds!

And I mean that in the most inclusive way possible. There are 11 holidays celebrated this time of year by people of all different backgrounds. And that’s just what I know of. It is completely possible that there are more celebrations that I’m ignorant to.

The point is, that to me, it doesn’t matter what you celebrate this time of year, I just want your holidays to be everything that you want them to be. I want you to wish people whatever lovely greeting you choose to and I want you to be happy and loved.

For me and my little family, we are celebrating Yule/Saturnalia. And I need my Yule to include some goddamn murder!

That’s right, I said it. With the stress of shopping and wrapping and getting the house in order for family and friends, I like to wind down at the end of the day with some dead bodies and a big mystery to unravel.

Nothing says “Christmas” like blood in the snow.

So, if you’re anything like me, maybe you’re looking to build your TBR in December around some winter holiday themed crime fiction. And because I love you all so much, I’ve put together a list of what I think are your best bets to add to your pile, just to start you off.

Here’s my fucking list of the top holiday-theme books to quench your thirst for death this season!

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A “Here’s The Fucking Twist” Giveaway!

*NOW CLOSED*

Heads up, nerds! I’m running a giveaway through my #bookstagram account: @thefuckingtwist and I don’t want any of my lovely book friends to miss out!

You might be asking yourself why I’m doing this? What’s the occasion?

I know most accounts do giveaways to celebrate follower count, but I’m honestly not at all concerned with that number. I’m so happy with the support and readership I have, and the bookish connections I’ve made, that even if only 5 people interacted with me, I’d be thrilled and consider this a success.

It’s all about the book love!

I decided to do this giveaway because it’s my birthday on Thursday and the holiday season (whatever holiday you observe) is officially underway which always makes my Grinch-y sized heart grow 3 times it’s normal size. Hell, maybe my reviews will even get nicer?! Probably not. Even still, this is a holiday-themed giveaway to celebrate all those good things!

the point is its my birthday GIF by Party Legends

If you don’t follow me on Insta, first get your shit together. Second, come on by and put your name in for my giveaway.

It’s open internationally until my birthday, Thursday at 11 pm/et. Winner will be announced Friday!

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#Halloween: Haunted Libraries

Happy Hump Day, ghouls and ghosts!

Halloween is getting closer with each passing day. I’m so excited about it that I’ve literally been living off of pumpkin pie and bite-sized candy for the last week.

I don’t feel good.

I think maybe some basic organ functions are stressed out?

Anyway, while I try to maintain a normal blood-sugar level, today we’re going to explore haunted libraries! And honestly, my afterlife plan is to be a library ghost so I can read all the books I couldn’t get to while I was alive.

Whether you believe in ghosts or not is completely irrelevant. We’re not here to discuss the probabilities of life after death. Although I will say, once people start reporting ghosts whispering “it’s Britney, bitch,” and “what’s the wifi password?” I might give a little bit more credence to the idea.

Right now, it seems like every ghost is wearing a Civil War uniform and women are in bonnets, bemoaning a lost husband. Where are all the modern ghosts in trucker hats and flared jeans haunting a Starbucks? Where are my feminist ghosts at?

So, yes, I might be a skeptic. But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the stories or the “…but maybes” that can come with the fact that no one can ever truly know for certain what else might exist beyond our earthly bodies.

With that said, here’s my list of the most haunted libraries around the world!

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Author Interview: Ian K. Smith

I’m back with a little bit more for The Ancient Nine written by Dr. Ian K. Smith, specifically a conversation with him about why he decided to pivot from writing best-selling books about health and nutrition and enter the world of mystery fiction, his real-life secret society experiences and what’s next for him in the fiction world.

Check out my “Blog Tour” post here to get all the details on The Ancient Nine and read an excerpt from the novel!

And when you’re done, hop on over to my full review of The Ancient Nine here.

I know most people talk out of their asses about how much they loved a book even if they didn’t really because they’re too scared to be honest, but you will never get anything like that from me… even if I’ve been politely invited onto a blog tour by the publisher. I’ve got to do me, boo boo. Did I like this book? Is it worth your time? Come find out. (That was a cheap tease, but I regret nothing!)

And now over to Dr. Ian K. Smith…

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Blog Tour: The Ancient Nine by Ian K. Smith

Get in, losers! We’re going Blog Touring!

Welcome to my stop on the blog tour for Ian K. Smith’s new fiction novel, The Ancient Nine. Settle in, grab something to eat. Maybe have a glass of wine. Put your feet up and chill with me here for a bit. Or, you know, read this on the toilet, if you want. You do you.

We’re going to start today with a little bit about the book, a little bit about the author and, of course, I’ll do my due diligence and post all the ways you can buy this novel for your reading pleasure. I’ve also got an excerpt from the novel so you can get a taste of the style. And (that’s right, there’s more) I’ve got a Q&A with the author, so you’ll want to check back for that.

Released just this Tuesday, you’ll want to pick up The Ancient Nine if you’re into intensely descriptive writing, erudite mysteries and lots of research, as well as a little romance and a contemporary look at joining a brotherhood.

The Ancient Nine is basically if a young, mildly sexist Barack Obama joined a secret society at Harvard in the 80s (and whose to say he didn’t?!) and in the process, solved a fifty-year-old cold case and also discovered deep secrets that take a lot of clever research into religious texts to figure out. It’s some heavy shit!

I mean, did you see what Harlan Coben had to say about it the book? They put his words on a pretty graphic for us and everything.

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