#HappyNewFears: My 2020 Bookish New Years Resolutions

Andddddddddd….I’m back! New decade, new blog post, new goals!

Tell me booknerds, how were your holidays?? Mine was busy and went by way too fast. I don’t feel like I relaxed at all, or was gifted anything to make me feel better about the amount of money I spent. I did, however, get drunk on Christmas Day for the first time in a decade. I stopped drinking-to-excess in college because I just do not like the feeling of being drunk and out of control, but somehow Christmas went off the rails for me. I think it was all of 2019 collapsing in on me.

You know how it goes: you’re making dinner so you pour a glass of wine. Cooking and wine go so well together that you’re not paying attention to how much alcohol you’re actually consuming. You’re getting wine-drunk so slowly that by the time you realize you officially passed the line of what’s acceptable in front of family two glasses ago, it’s too late. So you eat a bunch of crackers and cheese in a vain attempt to break down your blood-alcohol level, but you’ve had a bottle-and-a-half just to yourself! It’s over! You’re drunk! And now your mother-in-law starts saying things like, “I’m still on my first glass!” in this passively judgmental way, and your youngest stepkid is saying: “You’re fun when you’re drunk,” to the entire dinner table and you’re trying not slur when you respond, “I’m not drunk, I’m just a little buzzed. Issssaa not a big deal,”

You’re definitely drunk, and later, you try to vomit very quietly so no one hears how bad it actually was.

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🎄Merry Fucking Everything!

This is a quick post.

I want to wish everyone who has stopped by HTFT, read my shit all year long, commented and interacted and made blogging such a fun experience for me in 2019, and stuck around even when I’m not posting as much, a Happy Whatever and Merry Everything!

I hope your winter holidays are filled with good times, good books and good food. You can tell Santa, if he isn’t good to you too, I’ll cut a bitch 🎅

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#Slashmas: All The Thrillers For A Creepy Christmas (Or Whatever You Celebrate!)

Oh, shit, I’m so tired, you guys. This is going to be a chill post with lots of book recs, but just let me fucking complain for a hot minute.

I feel completely wiped out and I’m not sure why. I have no motivation when it comes to books lately. I think it’s because I’m so far behind in my reading. The more I look at the pile, the less I want to read, and the less I read the less I want to. It’s a vicious cycle.

The last quarter of the year has been a total wash for me in a lot of ways. I don’t know where the time went, or what I did or how I got to two weeks before Christmas and I’m not even done shopping yet.

I know a lot of people look at me like I’m crazy when I say that, in a “I haven’t even started yet!” kind of way, but I’m usually done shopping, with everything wrapped, by the first weekend of the month. I make it a point to push myself to get ‘er done because I’d much rather be home in the evenings watching movies, reading and enjoying the general holiday vibe, then stressing out with a sore back in a packed mall.

But honestly, I’m so off my game right now. I’m not sure I’ll even hit my reading goal (which I’ve already lowered once.)

In a bit of good news, I recently started fostering a rescue dog! We’ve named him Jovi because he’s got 80’s hair band kind of fur. Check out my Instagram page (@thefuckingtwist) to see pictures of him in my highlights and stories.

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All the Books I Hated in 2018!

Look, it’s no secret that I’m a picky reader and I tear books to shreds like it’s my fucking job. (It’s not and I don’t get paid for this.)

I have no shame or guilt in how I come across. Quite honestly, I wear my Book Bitch reputation like a badge of honour. I don’t do sugar-coating. I don’t do polite for the sake of someone’s feelings (that’s called lying.) And I don’t beat around the bush. Either I like something or I don’t, and if I don’t I’ll let you know why so that you don’t waste your sweet, precious life reading turds. Or on the flip-side, maybe all the things I don’t like, you do. And you’ll walk away from a negative review thinking you want to read the book.

Either way, Inspector Turd Miner, at your service.

If you’re a writer – I do it so you can get better. No one ever grew from being told they were perfect just the way they are. I’m not here to tear you down, personally, only technically. I will have lots to say about plot points, pacing and other technical attributes of a novel, but I keep the other shit out of it. I think that’s important. And if you want to be a great writer, then listen to the negative reviews that are actually blunt, constructive criticism of the writing itself. I’m not saying listen to the shit talking. There’s a difference. I try not to go there… except for where James Patterson is concerned! *shakes fist* PATTERSON!!!!!

I don’t tear things down just for the fun of it, I do it so that everyone can grow. Do I have fun though? Obviously or I wouldn’t be here. (Like I said, I’m not getting paid.)

The upside to being brutally honest is that people trust me. If I say something is good, my friends tend to want to read it. Writers, publicists and publishers ask me to review things because 1) they are ballsy, and 2) if I like their book it’s going to stand out like a rose in a turd mine.

The metaphor there being that most of my reviews aren’t positive. Thank you.

In 2018, a read a few turds. And for one of my first posts in 2019, let’s take a look back at those books that have inspired me to start DNFing in the new year.

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My Top 5 Reads of 2018! (It was easy to narrow down because I’m such a grumpy bitch.)

Holy shit! Can you even believe it’s about to be 2019?!

Because seriously, 2018 felt like the longest year on record. Maybe it was all of the racism, xenophobia, misogyny and fake outrage drummed up to make both sides of the political spectrum look insane – but seriously, my mental health took a beating this year.

We had the fucking Olympics this year? Do you even remember that? Does it feel like it happened in a different space and time? Because it fucking didn’t – it happened in 2018!

I’m drained. I’m exhausted. I can’t take any more negativity.

I started this blog at the beginning of 2018 with a post about how much Trump sucks, and how I needed books to get through the crumbling state of the world.

And I’m going to end this year with the same sentiment. Trump sucks. His supporters suck. Their bullshit is seeping over the borders of every other country, with racist, far-right dipshits seeing his successes (if you can call them that) as a sign that it’s finally their time to impose their hateful world-view on the rest of us.

Quite honestly, I don’t know how much more I can take. How hard is it to be kind? How hard is it to just let others live their lives in the way they choose to if it isn’t hurting anyone, even if you don’t understand it? I don’t understand the preoccupation with the benign details and choices that other people make.

you are so cranky double double toil and trouble GIF

GET A LIFE.

That’s my hope for 2019. I hope all you hateful, obsessive motherfuckers can get a fucking life in the new year because I swear, that’s what’s going to fix you. If you had a happy and fulfilled life you wouldn’t be so fucking concerned with everyone else and where they put their body parts, or what colour their body parts are or what body parts they want to have. Just get a fucking life.

And my second hope for 2019, if you can’t get a life, is that you at least find a way to express your sexuality without guilt. A guilt-free orgasm, in exactly the way you want it with another consenting adult, can do wonders for a shitty fucking attitude.

Get A Life. Have An Orgasm. 2019🥂

big brother pop GIF by Big Brother After Dark

With that said, my hopes aren’t high for the coming year. It feels like a “everything needs to get worse before it can get better” kind of situation. Books are going to be as important to me in 2019 as they were in 2018, maybe even more so.

So, I want to take a look back on my top five reads of this past year. The books that brought peace to my personal bubble for a just a few hours.

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#HappyNewFears: My Bookish New Years Resolutions

Happy Boxing Day, Nerds! And for everyone in the U.S., hey suckers! Sorry, you all had to go back to work today while we get a second stat holiday!

But truly, I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season, no matter what you celebrate.

I’m probably still in my PJs, hopefully playing a new game I got as a gift from my husband after dropping heavy hints since my birthday about what I wanted next. *cough Hellblade cough*

My in-laws are probably about to hit the road to get home to NY, taking my stepkid with them so he can reluctantly spend some time with his mom who makes him feel, quote “trapped.” Aw yes, the pitfalls of having a shitty parent who you still have forced visitation with. The true meaning of Christmas… wait…

On a happier note, come Friday I will have officially started my three weeks of vacation that I’ve been saving all year. And Omigod, I need this break so bad. I’m going to be reading and reading and playing games and reading and rotating a nearly endless supply of jogging pants for the next 19 days.

You can expect a lot of scheduled posts that I wrote the week before Christmas. To be honest, using the “post schedule” feature is probably what I should have been doing since starting this blog. Maybe then you’d have more of my salty AF reviews and ranty writings to read. I’ll try hard for the new year.

With that in mind, this post is dedicated to all my bookish resolutions for 2019.

The New Year is literally just around the corner and with that comes a lot of “new year, new me” bullshit posts about health and diet and being a better person. But not this one. Nope, not me. It’s going to be “new year, same me” for real. I just want to make a few tweaks to the bookish side of my life, but I promise to stay the same girl you grew to ~~love~~ know in 2018.

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#Slashmas: My Bookish Holiday Wishlist! (Someone Please Buy Me These Books, Thank Youuuu)

I’m sure all of us booknerds are the same: We are asked for a wish list for the holidays – “What do you want for Christmas? Give me some ideas!” – and your ideas turn into a long list of books.

Generally, people are too nervous to buy me books (at this point in my life, I’m fully aware people are legit scared of me but I’m really not that bad?) so, I just end up with a lot of gift cards. But that is totally fine with me! The more excuses I have to walk around a bookstore the better.

So, today I thought I’d share the books that are top of my list this holiday season.

Image result for bookworm wish list cartoon

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#Slashmas: All the Winter Holiday-Themed Reads You Need!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, booknerds!

And I mean that in the most inclusive way possible. There are 11 holidays celebrated this time of year by people of all different backgrounds. And that’s just what I know of. It is completely possible that there are more celebrations that I’m ignorant to.

The point is, that to me, it doesn’t matter what you celebrate this time of year, I just want your holidays to be everything that you want them to be. I want you to wish people whatever lovely greeting you choose to and I want you to be happy and loved.

For me and my little family, we are celebrating Yule/Saturnalia. And I need my Yule to include some goddamn murder!

That’s right, I said it. With the stress of shopping and wrapping and getting the house in order for family and friends, I like to wind down at the end of the day with some dead bodies and a big mystery to unravel.

Nothing says “Christmas” like blood in the snow.

So, if you’re anything like me, maybe you’re looking to build your TBR in December around some winter holiday themed crime fiction. And because I love you all so much, I’ve put together a list of what I think are your best bets to add to your pile, just to start you off.

Here’s my fucking list of the top holiday-theme books to quench your thirst for death this season!

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#Halloween: Haunted Libraries

Happy Hump Day, ghouls and ghosts!

Halloween is getting closer with each passing day. I’m so excited about it that I’ve literally been living off of pumpkin pie and bite-sized candy for the last week.

I don’t feel good.

I think maybe some basic organ functions are stressed out?

Anyway, while I try to maintain a normal blood-sugar level, today we’re going to explore haunted libraries! And honestly, my afterlife plan is to be a library ghost so I can read all the books I couldn’t get to while I was alive.

Whether you believe in ghosts or not is completely irrelevant. We’re not here to discuss the probabilities of life after death. Although I will say, once people start reporting ghosts whispering “it’s Britney, bitch,” and “what’s the wifi password?” I might give a little bit more credence to the idea.

Right now, it seems like every ghost is wearing a Civil War uniform and women are in bonnets, bemoaning a lost husband. Where are all the modern ghosts in trucker hats and flared jeans haunting a Starbucks? Where are my feminist ghosts at?

So, yes, I might be a skeptic. But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the stories or the “…but maybes” that can come with the fact that no one can ever truly know for certain what else might exist beyond our earthly bodies.

With that said, here’s my list of the most haunted libraries around the world!

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