Review: The Good Daughter by Karin Slaughter

★★★★★

William Morrow | 2017

Filed Under: Forget a beach read, this is a thunderstorm read.

Yep, right in the feels.

I was hoping to write a really thoughtful review about this book, which I loved, and want all of you to love too, but right now my brain is a mushy mess.

For one, I’m getting over a head cold which has rendered me incapable of not much more than groaning and whining — noises that signal my husband to fetch me meds, water, food, or a combination of the three (he just has to guess.)

Secondly, I think the sheer magnitude of this tome has burnt me out. It’s a smidgen over 500 pages. And 99% of the time, when I read a book that big, I am screaming for editing to parse it down. But when it comes to the Quinn family saga, I wouldn’t know where to start. There is literally not a word wasted by Karin Slaughter — an epic feat when you consider just how much book there is to devour.

By the end, I was emotionally drained by Sam, Charlie and Rusty Quinn, and I don’t have the vocabulary left to fully express myself (she says as she goes on to write a dissertation-sized review)…

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Review: Lie to Me by J.T. Ellison

★★★

MIRA | 2017

Filed Under: People really be trying to get on an episode of Dateline instead of going to therapy.

“They built a life on lies.”

Okay, if you say so.

I was expecting a dark domestic noir thriller, and instead what I got were two assholes who married each other and could have avoided a lot of shit if they’d just, I don’t know, talked like people who got married for a reason.

Failing that, try therapy.

Their marriage issues were all tales as old as time. Nothing really shocking – He has a wandering eye. She can be cold and distant. They don’t communicate well. Sometimes they love each other, and sometimes they want to chuck plates at each other’s throats. Big deal, that’s marriage for a lot of people.

What’s not normal life for most of us, however, is the amount of money these two assholes have. Or the death of their child. Or the sinister events that engulf their lives very quickly.

Much of the mundane “crumbling marriage” tropes take place in an oversized, fantastical world of good looks, success, wealth and travel – extremes that are not realistic for the general population. So, somewhere between the banal issues of their marriage and the over-the-top baseline for their way of life, is where you will find me still deciding whether or not this book resonated with me.

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Review: UNSUB (UNSUB, #1) by Meg Gardiner

★★★★★

Dutton | 2017

Filed Under: I don’t reread books but I would reread this

I love Meg Gardiner. She is a favourite author of mine. Anything she writes I want to read. Anything she has to say about writing, I want to hear. She is a brilliant author with a talent for writing action-packed mysteries with perfectly placed twists.

UNSUB is, by far, my new favourite novel by her.

Hands down.

It takes elements from famous serial killers, both real and fictional, and boils it down into one epic, smart and intricate serial killer crime thriller.

Universe have mercy on my mystery-book nerd soul!

A quick synopsis: Caitlin is a cop. Her dad is a retired cop and he’s gone coo-coo for Cocopuffs after hunting a madman, The Prophet, 20 years ago and never catching him. Present-day, The Prophet is back, killing again in bloody crazy fashion and it’s Caitlin’s turn to stop him.

Obviously inspired by the Zodiac killer, this also takes elements from things like Se7en, Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs, Untraceable… and those are just the ones I can remember off the top of my stoned head, though I am sure there are more.

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Review: The Fifth To Die (A 4MK Thriller, #2) by J.D. Barker

“You can’t play God without being acquainted with the devil. “

★★★★½

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt | 2018

Filed Under: Mother Yod

This is what you have to know going into the 4MK series:

This story is a marathon, not a sprint.

And I’m not just talking about this particular book, number two in the series.

J.D. Barker has crafted a rich, intricate world full of robust, personality-driven characters and advanced storytelling meant for thicc-ass novels. You don’t get conclusions around here. There is no end until it ends.

It’s a train that never stops. It is always moving towards the next destination in this 4MK world where you’ll be given new threads and new clues and new revelations that put one more puzzle piece into the jumbled picture that is Anson Bishop and Detective Porter.

This series is detailed, not so much in the visual description, but in the depth of narrative and connections. They are flying all over the place, from past to present, from case to case. It could be too much for some readers’ tastes, but for me, I was filled with pure joy at how vast this puzzle really is.

And I don’t want to oversell this, but HOLY SHIT, YOU GUYS, IT’S THE GREATEST THING OUT THERE RIGHT NOW ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

…Yeah, that feels like the appropriate amount of cap locks.

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Review: The Last Mrs. Parrish by Liv Constantine

★

Harper | 2017

Filed Under: My rage knows no bounds!

I wish the publishers hadn’t stuffed this novel into the psychological-thriller genre just because that’s where all the cool kids are, but had instead been honest about what this book is: a dark romance meets women’s fiction meets soap opera intrigue with a terrible, TERRIBLE message.

This level of dramatic soap-opera nutty-ness is just not my thing. It lacks humour and humanity, and is overpopulated with silly dialogue and tropes that feel like a reenactment. Not to mention, the internal misogyny that permeates the entire theme gets my feminist hackles up.

(This could get mildly spoiler-y because I’m going to rant, so if you’re super excited to read this, here’s my takeaway: Don’t waste your time with this, unless you’re cool with domestic abuse and the idea that it can be deserved. Otherwise, read on!)

So, this is pretty boring. It’s slow with dull scenes and so overtly dramatic in its boring elements that it becomes comical and cheesy. Ohhhhhh more rich people events with wildly cliché conversation? More descriptions of fancy clothes and designer labels and expensive underwear and boats and bikinis and hot bodies? Please, please, tell me again what else these people are spending their excessive amounts of money on!

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Review: The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn

“Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart.”

★★★★★

William Morrow | 2018

Filed Under: WHERE IS YOUR WIFE?!

I went into this reading experience with full-blown anxiety triggered by a library return date breathing down my neck.

I assumed there was not enough time for me to get through this because my weekend included my in-laws staying over and a front-hall closet renovation. I decided to try anyway because I ain’t no quitter. I opened this Saturday night, so completely aware that I had a Monday morning deadline that I got a little high first to set my nerves.

And guess what, nerds? I blew through this baby so hard I gave myself TMJ.

Look, the truth is that this is not a groundbreaking novel or even particularly original in its overall concept. I see a lot of middle-of-the-road reviews from my friends who just didn’t get into it, who thought it was overhyped and underwhelming, and I understand. I think those reviews had a “Lowered Expectations” effect on me because I FUCKING LOVED THIS BOOK.

Shout out to all the special people who got the MadTV reference. You are my people.

Maybe it was the library anxiety meets weed meets meh reviews, but holy shit if this isn’t the most fun I’ve had reading a book since…like…a week ago…

Okay, you know what? The timeline isn’t important.

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Review: Into The Black Nowhere (UNSUB, #2) by Meg Gardiner

★★★★★

Dutton | 2018

Filed Under: Physical satisfaction

OKAY, FIRST OF-FUCKING-ALL: FUCK YES

And second: I’m so depressed this is over.

I’m not religious, but over this Easter weekend, I’ve decided I worship at the printing press of Meg Gardiner. And her books are my bible.

If you’re interested in my new religion, let me know. Maybe I’ll make some pamphlets.

I’m completely blown away by this instalment in the UNSUB series. I think I literally peed my pants over the first one. And it seemed a completely impossible task that an author would deliver an equally pee-pants worthy follow-up.

But, I’m peeing my pants right now. (Not really. I’m at work. No one would appreciate that.)

Still, this is a completely solid five-star rating, and my only little tiny, itty-bitty teeny issue is a completely personal one that comes from the fact that I know everything about Ted Bundy. He’s my favourite serial killer. Not in a weird way. You know what I mean.

Look, I’m not apologizing. It is what it is.

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Review: Final Girls by Riley Sager

★★★★★

Dutton | 2017

Filed Under: When a novel makes you with “Tom Cruise jump on a couch” joy.

It’s my birthday and I’m King of the World!

Okay, it’s not my birthday, nor am I a king, but that’s how this book makes me FEEL.

I’m not going to shame other people for their opinions on this one, but I will say if you didn’t like it, I truly believe you missed the beauty of what Riley Sager did here.

But, still, no judgment. I respect you all, I’m just a little bit in love with this novel. But also you’re wrong.

At Pine Cottage, ten years earlier, Quincy Carpenter emerged from the woods, bloody and screaming, the only survivor of a murderous massacre. We’re talking slasher-flick-sized proportions. The only problem is, in present-day, Quincy has repressed all memories of that night. She has no idea what happened.

By surviving this horrific event, Quincy becomes a member of a very exclusive club, dubbed in the media as The Final Girls.

“Final girls is film-geek speak for the last woman standing at the end of a horror movie.”

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Review: Two Girls Down by Louisa Luna

★★★★½

Doubleday | 2018

Filed Under: Fingers burning from turning the pages

So I’m just going to say it: Favourite read of 2018 so far!

OMG, heart-eyes for Louisa Luna!

This was just so much fun; a pretty perfect example of what a crime thriller-whodunit should be.

I would love this to be a series featuring the enigmatic bounty hunter/P.I. Alice Vega. Fingers crossed! Not a lot was revealed about her, just enough for you to know her without knowing her. There is still a lot of space to grow with Vega, more story that can be told.

The minute she popped onto the page, I knew I was in fictional love. Vega is damaged and snarky and ruthless, smart and cynical, with a short bullshit fuse. She has no problem beating the shit out of her “skips” or using her talent of mental warfare to get her way. She’s a tough-as-nails queen.

When I grow up, I want to be just like her.

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Review: Stillhouse Lake (Stillhouse Lake, #1) by Rachel Caine

★★★★

Thomas & Mercer | 2017

Filed Under: Doxxing a serial killer’s family, like true internet heroes

After reading this I am going to be on high alert-code orange, for any signs my darling husband is a deranged serial killer.

I mean, he has serious deep-rooted hate for bunnies, so that’s got to be red flag number one. All I need now is to find a locked room in our house that I’m never allowed to go in, and it’s all but confirmed. I’m going to have to kill him. I can’t turn him in. I love him too much.

But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Stillhouse Lake by Rachel Caine is a different twist on the usual serial killer thriller. This time the killer is behind bars and the star of the show is his ex-wife.

For the duration of their marriage, Gina Royal had no idea her seemingly sweet husband and doting father of her children, Melvin, was stringing women up in the garage and doing things with the skin (Hannibal Lecter shout-out) until a drunk driver rams into their house and reveals his last victim. But honestly, with a name like Melvin, wouldn’t you have had an inkling? Sorry to all the Melvins out there, but let’s be real.

Usually, coincidental happenstance to bring about a plot event can come across as cheap or lazy to me, but the sheer drama of the reveal was so unexpected that it worked and was a perfect hook to open this novel. No one reads about a body hanging in a garage and thinks, nah this isn’t for me. Next!

Or like some people do, but I’m not friends with them.

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