Viking | 2018
Opening Hook: Full “once upon a time” style.
Main Character: A young stepmother who my step kids should be nicer to!
Plot Twisty-ness: As slow as watching kids warm up to dad’s new wife.
Just like other reviews aplenty will tell you, this novel is inspired by another classic novel and blah blah blah. I don’t know the book. I might know the author’s name? I’ve never read it and I didn’t know any of this “inspiration” shit going into the book so it really makes zero difference to me whatsoever.
Look, I never claimed to be a refined reader.
I read this novel purely for the gothic feel of the synopsis and because I’m a stepmother married to an older(ish) man and those themes resonate with me. I haven’t found many stories centring on stepmothers/second wives, which are actually mystery/thrillers that don’t paint people like me as some ridiculous evil creature to be feared and ousted.
I wagered, because this book was told from the stepmother’s point of view, there was a good chance she wasn’t the villain per se. And thankfully, I was right! The stepmother isn’t the villain for once! She’s more of a saviour, which is totally how I see myself, just with less like doing things that make anyone’s life better and more being peeved that I never get to play my PlayStation anymore that I bought a second one out of passive aggressive spite. It’s how I roll.
Continue reading “Review: The Winters by Lisa Gabriele”
“You can’t judge someone’s internal state by their external attributes.”
January 2019 | St. Martin’s Press
Opening Hook: Make-up artist seeks quick cash by being a liar
Main Character: Let’s her assumptions make her seem crazy
Plot Twisty-ness: Subtle and ominous
I’m a total sucker for anything that is psychologically leaning. And I don’t mean the trend of “psychological thrillers.” I mean real psychology, human nature, predicting behaviour and analyzing it. I’m a straight-up glutton when it comes to that kind of stuff and not for any sinister reason. It’s like not I’m trying to figure out the best way to appear human or some shit. If I was smarter, I probably would have been a psychologist. In another part of the multi-verse perhaps I am.
But in the here and now that we find ourselves trapped in (there’s been some kind of tear in the fabric of our universe and we ended up in a strange hell where Trump and Putin are going to destroy all life on Earth, I’m sure of it,) I’m just a girl with a deep fascination for dark psychology and no way to really express that except to watch endless true crime documentaries and read books like An Anonymous Girl, and have people think I’m weird.
Continue reading “Review: An Anonymous Girl by Greer Hendricks & Sarah Pekkanen”
“Little girls are different from little boys: they’re made of sugar and spice and scar for life.”
Flatiron Books | 2017
Opening Hook: It’s probably a lie.
Main Character: Unreliable narrator meets Weekend at Bernie’s.
Plot Twisty-ness: Everything but the kitchen sink.
Truthfully, I only read this because I found out Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ellen are turning it into a mini-series. And I am not the kind of Buffy fangirl to ignore a Sarah Michelle project. So here were are.
I’m so sorry to my more discerning thriller friends who really didn’t like this and were hoping I’d be busting in here with a signature snotty review about how crap this book is; how it took every element of a thriller novel it could possibly fucking think of and used all of them on one character in a short 260-page sitting.
But I’m not.
Because this entertained the fuck out of me.
Maybe I’m still feeling the holiday glow that’s keeping my heart three times its normal size, like the Grinch, but this book hit me in all the right psychological thriller sweet spots. I was so enamoured that I read it over one Saturday afternoon.
Continue reading “Review: Sometimes I Lie by Alice Feeney”
Wise Ink Creative Publishing | 2018
Opening Argument: Your Honour, this case comes down to one fact – this fucking bitch is cray.
The Clients: One bad mommy, one fucked over father.
Plot Truthy-ness: Told factually with care, but emotionally leaning to one side.
I was offered this book by the authors and their book publicist in exchange for a review. At first, I was like, Woo! True crime! But then I read the description and was like, No one dies? This is going to be boring.
But, shit was I wrong! Who knew family court drama could be so fucking crazy? I mean, I suppose I should have because I’ve been through a little bit of this myself (my husband has custody of his kids for a reason,) but nothing I’ve witnessed my husband deal with really comes close to the levels of nuttiness presented in this true tale.
Continue reading “Review: The Girls Are Gone by Michael Brodkorb & Allison Mann”
“Today, we are going to be playing a little game of Murder.”
Hanover Square Press | 2018
Opening Hook: Basically a classic Kesha song
Main Character: If Maury and Robert Stack had a baby, but that baby was drunk all the time
Plot Twisty-ness: Jigsaw would be proud
I went into this novel with every intention of loving it completely. I swear to Thor. But okay, obviously I didn’t completely get there. Story of my life. No one is shocked.
Guess Who started off as a five-star read until I passed the halfway mark and that’s when things fell off the chart. For the first half of the book, it is very much SAW meets Clue, just minus the horror element. But it does create a sinister, frantic pace and tone that definitely had me hooked. It’s a locked-room mystery that feels both extravagant and desperate at first, at that definitely worked for me in a totally non-sexual sexual way.
Morgan Sheppard is a TV star who has made a living doing a Maury meets Unsolved Mysteries-style show called Resident Detective. As a child, he solved the murder of his math teacher and created a very successful career riding (read: exploiting) that wave. Through his fame, he’s turned into an alcoholic, drug addict and womanizer. The only problem is, Sheppard has been full of shit for a very long time. And someone knows it. And someone hates him.
This villain, known as The Evil Man who wears a goofy fucking horse mask, and locks Sheppard and five other people in a hotel room with a dead body in the bathtub. Sheppard has 3 hours to find the killer – one of the people in the room – and prove what kind of detective he really is, or the hotel blows up.
Continue reading “Review: Guess Who by Chris McGeorge”
It’s almost here! Can you feel it? Halloween night creeping ever closer?
Do you have your costumes ready? Your pumpkins carved? Have you eaten all of the candy you were supposed to be saving for young, innocent children dressed as tigers and bumblebees that make your ovaries go, “You’re 32!! You better decide if this is cute enough to make you want this sooner rather than later!!“
Huh? Yeah, me neither.
To help us prepare for the big night – because the countdown is officially on! – I’m back with another Halloween inspired TCT to really help scare the shit out of you on October 31st.
You’re going to be sitting around, waiting for the knock on the door, watching a scary movie, and suddenly there it will be – a memory of that time I told you about people being fucking murdered in their homes after handing out candy. And you’ll think, THAT BITCH.
Or you’ll be out at a party, dressed up in your sexy slice of pizza costume or your sexy Big Bird costume or your sexy hot dog costume or your sexy Pikachu costume or your sexy Eleven from Strange Things costume (she’s just a child, what is wrong with you?) and suddenly there it will be – a memory of that time I told you about people being fucking murdered walking home drunk in their sexy Halloween costumes. And you’ll think, THAT CUNT.
If you remember, I posted about my hometown murder from a few months ago, something that had my entire neighbourhood in a tizzy. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check it out here.
Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Halloween Killer (& My Hometown Murder Update)”
Little, Brown & Company | 2018
Opening Hook: A pretty standard for the genre death scene
Main Characters: TONE IT THE FUCK DOWN
Plot Twisty-ness: B for Beffort.
So, this is the first review I’m posting on my blog of this series, but here’s the
sordid background on me and this series:
I have read every single one of the books in this series. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Even the novellas.
You can find all of my reviews of them on Goodreads if you’re so inclined to watch my descent into pure, unadulterated hatred.
Oh, yes, that’s right. Hatred. I am well-versed in the Women’s Murder Club. And I fucking hate-read this series with a fiery, binge-y passion. Truthfully, I hate mostly everything Patterson writes.
Gather around, children and listen to your elder millennial: James Patterson is a fucking awful writer.
Continue reading “Review: The 17th Suspect by James Patterson & Maxine Paetro”
We are officially-unofficially into the beginning of my favourite season!
Hoodies and pumpkins and leaves changing colour and no more sweat stains under my boobs or mosquito bites riddling my flesh. It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
You know what else there is to love about autumn? New book releases!!!
Here is my list of the top crime fiction/mystery/thriller/blahblahblah releases coming our way this season. Get your TBR shelves ready for the added weight!
Continue reading “Booknerd Wednesday: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Fall 2018!”
CreateSpace Independent Publishing | 2017
Opening Hook: You know how you perform dark rituals sometimes?
Main Character: If a less zany Ace Ventura was a werewolf
Plot Supernatural-ness: A new world, but we’re keeping Merlin
Okay, first things first: I do not typically read werewolf fiction because I’m not a big fan of the werewolf mythos unless I’m playing Skyrim and become one to join the Companions, then it can come in handy.
Given the choice that we typically get, vampires or werewolves, pick one! I am much more into vampires.
Not the sparkly kind who fall in love and just want to do good even if their hearts are cold…awwwww. But like Gary Oldman’s Dracula, Buffy the Vampire Slayer or some 30 Days of Night absolute horror. That to me is so much more interesting and creepy. Vampires are the first horror monster to scare me as a child, making me pull the blanket up to my neck at night as if that would protect me.
People who turn into big, scary dogs is just kind of weird. But I get the appeal to horror fans.
That being said, this book is pretty decent even for a werewolf hater like myself.
Continue reading “Review: A Wolf Like Me (Thomas Spell, #1) by Andy Fitz”
Good morning friends, lovers and strangers! It feels sooo goood to be back with a new edition of #TCT.
The end of August was SO busy for me I barely posted anything around here, but I got a lot done at home, so I’m not complaining. We’re just here for a good time, right?
Before we get into it, how was everyone’s long weekend?! Really, I want to know. I had a family BBQ, played some Battleborn with my husband and yesterday I deep cleaned my car.
You don’t understand what a big deal that was. I bought my car in 2015 and this was the first time I’ve ever cleaned the inside of it.
It was time. There were puppy puke stains everywhere. A little heads up that puppies can have motion sickness for the first year of their life would have been nice.
Besides that, I’ve been doing so much stuff at home all month that last week I actually slipped a disk in my lower back and I was laid up in bed for three days. Welcome to your 30s – where a Sunday afternoon of yard work means you are a cripple for half the week.
We also had some crazy excitement about two weeks ago in my neighbourhood. And that’s what this post is going to be about. That’s right! When I say MY HOMETOWN MURDER, I fucking mean it!
Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: My Hometown Murder”