A “Here’s The Fucking Twist” Giveaway!

Attention booknerds! If you’re not following me over on my #bookstagram account – @thefuckingtwist – then, first of all, how dare you?

Second of all, I don’t mean that. You do you do, booboo. I get that you don’t need me in your life on every social media platform. I mean, not even my husband does.

But, if you’re not following me on Insta, I don’t want you to miss out on the new giveaway I’ve set up to celebrate spring and my complete indifference to follower-count milestones!

If it makes you feel any better about following me, I don’t post all the fucking time like some of these other more organized and better managed accounts. So follow me for unpredictable posting, cursing and my signature mix of feminine meets goddamn murder and mayhem.

Okay, onto the giveaway!


Continue reading “A “Here’s The Fucking Twist” Giveaway!”

#Throwback Thursday

Happy Long Weekend, everybody who is getting a long weekend like meeeeeee!!!

You’ll have to excuse me if this post barely makes as much sense as I want it to. We had a potluck at work for two women who are retiring and I think I’m going to pass out. I ate so much.

So much.

My blood is, as we speak, congealing into a cheese-like substance and my nipples are meatballs.

Jesus. No, they’re not.

I’m sorry. That barely reached the bar of what I think is good enough to post on this blog, but I’m nearing food-coma levels so meatball nipples are what you get. Welcome to how I blog!!!

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Top Ten: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Q2 of 2019!

I can hardly believe it’s already April! I feel like I say that a lot around here, but it’s true. Maybe it’s aging. Time just seems to fly by at a rate I am incredibly uncomfortable with.

It’s like one day your fine and the next day you can’t fit into any of your clothes and you have no idea what happened, but there wasn’t any time in between, even though there was totally like four years.

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So, while I deal making my expanding ass smaller (still), I’m also realizing I definitely don’t read as many books as I should be able to in all this time that’s passing by. I am much better at finding new books that I want to read, instead of actually reading them. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

This post is going to be another example of me endlessly adding books to my TBR when I still have so many unfinished ones. And despite making a new years resolution to increase my Netgalley score this year, I’ve made very little progress on that.

It might actually be worse, if I’m honest. Oops.

Speaking of honest, what I’ve been able to get out for this little blog seems to have dropped recently and I’m sorry and I’ll tell you why and I think you’ll understand.

My manager moved into a desk that allows her a view of my computer.

That’s it. For real.

I write most of my posts at work because it’s when I have the most free time. That’s sounds hilarious, but it’s the truth. And since my manager moved desks, there is just not enough security for me to successfully fuck around on things that are definitely not work related.

I’ll have to figure out a better schedule for my reviews and posts. I promise I will. Take right now for instance – I’m catching up on Scientology and the Aftermath (cults woot woot!) and eating dinner and slowly working away at building my list of what I’m most excited about coming out in the next 3 months.

Get your book budgets ready!

Continue reading “Top Ten: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Q2 of 2019!”

Review: The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

“…we often mistake love for fireworks – for drama and dysfunction. But real love is very quiet, very still. It’s boring, if seen from the perspective of high drama. Love is deep and calm – and constant.”

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★★★★

Celadon Books | 2019

Opening Hook: You know how you want to kill your spouse sometimes?

Main Character: Creases his jeans, eats oatmeal, probably.

Plot Twisty-ness: A clever bitch


There was a lot of hype surrounding this book’s release, and for the most part, it was deserved. I mean, it didn’t totally blow my socks off and it wasn’t necessarily reinventing the wheel when it comes to thrillers with unreliable narrators. But, for a debut novel, it’s pretty impressive and I had a fun time reading it, so one eggplant up for Mr. Michaelides.

Alicia, an artist, killed her photographer husband. Shot him in the head repeatedly while he was tied to a chair, as a matter of fact. And she’s been silent every day since. Locked up in a psych hospital, she hasn’t uttered a word in nearly 7 years.

Theo Faber is a psychotherapist who believes he can crack Alicia’s silent nut. He takes a job in the hospital where she is locked up and starts his mostly one-sided conversations in the hopes of getting Alicia to finally explain why she did what she did to her husband, who by all accounts, she was madly in love with.

And I don’t know about all of you, but while I jokingly say I’d like to murder the shit out of my husband sometimes, I don’t really mean it. Well, mostly I don’t mean it. But I swear to jeebus, when he clips his toenails in bed I could really, truly smother him with a pillow.

Anyway!

Continue reading “Review: The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides”

Review: My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite

Three, and they label you a serial killer.

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★★½

Doubleday Books | 2018

Opening Hook: Rub-a-dub-dub, cleaning blood out of a tub

Main Character: Don’t miss The Amazing Doormat! Watch as she makes terrible decisions!

Plot Twisty-ness: It’s all given away in the title.


I don’t really know how to rate this book totally, so I’m giving half of five stars because that seems the most fair. I mean, honestly, the cover deserves one of those stars just on its own. Talk about fucking gorgeous! I don’t even need words to read after that, honestly.

But when it comes to the words, this wasn’t really what I thought it would be, or what I wanted it to be. It wasn’t bad, it just seemed like the hammer missed the head of the nail. It felt outside of my usual book choices when it comes to fiction even though it really should have been right up my alley.

The gist is: Korede is a nurse who also has a passion for cleaning, or rather a talent for it. She’s also an older sister. She finds herself constantly cleaning up her younger sister Ayoola’s, messes, as older sisters tend to do. But these particular messes come in the form of men that Ayoola has had to kill in the name of self-defence. Each time Korede helps her little sister get rid of a body and finds herself cleaning up blood, her rational brain gets a little bit louder: maybe Ayoola just likes to kill. Maybe she’s a serial killer. Maybe she’s taking advantage of Korede.

When Ayoola starts dating a doctor with whom Korede is secretly in love with, she starts to worry he might be Ayoola’s next victim. A war inside Korede starts to brew between doing what is objectively right and doing what is right as a sister.

“You’re a big sister now, Korede. And big sisters look after little sisters.”

Continue reading “Review: My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite”

Review: No Exit by Taylor Adams

“The difference between a hero and a victim? Timing.” 

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★★★★★

William Morrow | January 2019

Opening Hook: Did we learn nothing about isolated rest stops from Halloween?!

Main Character: Lady McGuyver

Plot Twisty-ness: Hold-onto-your-bits thrills with a side of snow.


This is my first 5-star read of the year. And thank Thor, because I was starting to get a little cranky since nothing has really been knocking my socks off. Who’s fault is that really? Mine? Because of my choices? Get out of here! I don’t want to here it!

Lalalala…

Reading No Exit was an exercise in cinematic writing. It would be easy to say it was written with a movie option in mind (and maybe it was,) but my gut tells me that what actually happened here is that the plotting and timing of the story are so good, that it comes across in vibrant cinematic scenes in the reader’s mind. And therefore, seems like it should be a movie. And it definitely should.

I would honestly give this five stars just based on the writing skill alone, it was that seamless and riveting. And my friends here know I don’t give out my stars easily. You have to earn this shit from me. You want easy stars? Go to the reviewers who aren’t dead inside with a stick up their ass.

It’s all ass sticks here, baby!

I do it because I love you and I want you to have an honest opinion that isn’t worried about feelings and blah blah blah.

andre braugher brooklyn 99 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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Review: The Winters by Lisa Gabriele

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★★★½

Viking | 2018

Opening Hook: Full “once upon a time” style.

Main Character: A young stepmother who my step kids should be nicer to!

Plot Twisty-ness: As slow as watching kids warm up to dad’s new wife.


Just like other reviews aplenty will tell you, this novel is inspired by another classic novel and blah blah blah. I don’t know the book. I might know the author’s name? I’ve never read it and I didn’t know any of this “inspiration” shit going into the book so it really makes zero difference to me whatsoever.

Look, I never claimed to be a refined reader.

I read this novel purely for the gothic feel of the synopsis and because I’m a stepmother married to an older(ish) man and those themes resonate with me. I haven’t found many stories centring on stepmothers/second wives, which are actually mystery/thrillers that don’t paint people like me as some ridiculous evil creature to be feared and ousted.

I wagered, because this book was told from the stepmother’s point of view, there was a good chance she wasn’t the villain per se. And thankfully, I was right! The stepmother isn’t the villain for once! She’s more of a saviour, which is totally how I see myself, just with less like doing things that make anyone’s life better and more being peeved that I never get to play my PlayStation anymore that I bought a second one out of passive aggressive spite. It’s how I roll.

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Review: An Anonymous Girl by Greer Hendricks & Sarah Pekkanen

“You can’t judge someone’s internal state by their external attributes.” 

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★★★★

January 2019 | St. Martin’s Press

Opening Hook: Make-up artist seeks quick cash by being a liar

Main Character: Let’s her assumptions make her seem crazy

Plot Twisty-ness: Subtle and ominous


I’m a total sucker for anything that is psychologically leaning. And I don’t mean the trend of “psychological thrillers.” I mean real psychology, human nature, predicting behaviour and analyzing it. I’m a straight-up glutton when it comes to that kind of stuff and not for any sinister reason. It’s like not I’m trying to figure out the best way to appear human or some shit. If I was smarter, I probably would have been a psychologist. In another part of the multi-verse perhaps I am.

But in the here and now that we find ourselves trapped in (there’s been some kind of tear in the fabric of our universe and we ended up in a strange hell where Trump and Putin are going to destroy all life on Earth, I’m sure of it,) I’m just a girl with a deep fascination for dark psychology and no way to really express that except to watch endless true crime documentaries and read books like An Anonymous Girl, and have people think I’m weird.

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Continue reading “Review: An Anonymous Girl by Greer Hendricks & Sarah Pekkanen”

Happy Fucking Valentine’s Day!

It’s officially the day of love, my sweet nerdy bookworms!

I hope you have someone to spend the day with, whether that’s a partner or a friend or the pet that you love more than anything. This day doesn’t need to be only for romance, people! Celebrate whatever love you have in your life.

I’m a firm believer that if everyone had a love in their lives that made them truly happy, they wouldn’t be so concerned with what other people do in their private lives.

It’s only the miserable, loveless, secretly-in-the-closet assholes who want to put limits on other people’s lives.

Stop being assholes, and feel the love!!

Tonight, I have dinner reservations with my hubby. Then we’ll be seeing the new Taylor Schilling movie, The Prodigy. And then who knows…

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(We’ll probably get into bed and snuggle the dog.)

To be honest, I’m the most excited about all of the food I’m going to eat. This will be my first time cheating on my diet in six weeks! You can’t even imagine the number of calories I’m about to consume.

What are your plans? Do you care about this holiday at all? If you don’t, do you practice the art of not being an asshole about it? Namaste.

With that said, I want to spread the love to all you beautiful people in my own way even if you don’t care. So here’s a few Valentine’s from me, to you.

Spread the love, nerdos!

Continue reading “Happy Fucking Valentine’s Day!”

Opinion: Withdrawing My Support of ‘Woman in the Window’ & AJ Finn Is Creepy AF

This might be the most exciting bit of news to hit the book world in I don’t even know how long. I mean, typically, I don’t think of the publishing world as very exciting with a lot of breaking news. It’s not like watching Trump trying to be President or anything.

But talk about a twisted bookish controversy that dropped this week!

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If you’re not yet aware, wunderkind author AJ Finn – aka Dan Mallory – is, allegedly, a total fucking sociopath and pathological liar.

Read the original article by Ian Parker for The New Yorker here and get ready to have your mind blown.

It’s a bit of a lengthy read, but totally worth it to get the full effect of the mindfuck that is Dan Mallory/AJ Finn.

I’ve been joking that I feel personally victimized by this epic bullshit because I so wholeheartedly pushed The Woman in the Window on anyone that I could. I dug that book hard. But I can’t, in good faith, let that be the case any longer. Does anyone care, probably not, but I just have to let it be known.

And to be honest, the real-life story of Dan Mallory is 100% more interesting than his book, at this point.

If you don’t have time to read the full article, I’m going to post some of my favourite bits from the expose here on my blog.

It should be noted, even though I’m not going to be writing at length about it, that the original article makes a really amazing point of how easy it is for white men to fail up, and how our institutions are constructed to let this happen, even when they are known pieces of shit.

Sorry, alleged pieces of shit.

Truly, it’s worth 30 minutes of your time.


Continue reading “Opinion: Withdrawing My Support of ‘Woman in the Window’ & AJ Finn Is Creepy AF”