Review: The Ancient Nine by Ian K. Smith

“Money has an insidious way of making decent human beings behave in a most indecent way.”

Ancient Nine cover★★½

Opening Hook: A 1920s fence hopper

Main Character: Basically the author is just writing himself and it’s weird

Plot Twisty-ness: You have to read a research paper to get to them


You ever read a novel and can immediately tell it’s written by a first-time author because they don’t know how to chill the fuck out with descriptive passages and scenes that don’t further a plot?

Yeah. This book suffers from that in abundance.

The heart of the novel is that of Spenser Collins, a young black man attending Harvard in 1988. After becoming an unlikely candidate to join one of the University’s secret societies, The Delphic, Spenser and his buddy Dalton, stumble upon a fifty-year-old mystery – the disappearance of another young student in the 1920s, who was never heard from again after illegally entering the Delphic’s mansion in search of the answer to the question: Is there really a secret society within the secret society called the Ancient Nine who spend their whole lives guarding an invaluable secret?

I mean, part of me was thinking of the movie The Skulls circa 2000. You know, Joshua Jackson and Paul Walker getting into some deadly adventure after joining a secret society that will do anything to protect its secrets, protect its own, its power and its money? But sadly for me, this book hits a decidedly different tone, while maintaining that “boys club” feel and presenting the objectification of women as a good thing.

Continue reading “Review: The Ancient Nine by Ian K. Smith”

Book Tag: OMG That Song!

Thank Jeebus for Bridget over at Bridget and Books for tagging me in to do this round of Book Tag, because I haven’t done one in a couple of months and I think I’m literally starting to have withdrawals.

family guy help GIF

So, here’s the scoop: This tag was originally created by The Book Nut. All you do is give a book answer and a song answer for the different prompts. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy, and certainly not difficult difficult lemon difficult.

I’ll do my tagging now so you don’t have scroll through my answers if you don’t want to read them. I know I can get a little…in depth (why do you hate me?)

Eleni @ La Femme Readers, Brandy @ B’s Book Blog, Carolina @ Third Person Limited, and Alyssa @ Just Another Book on the Shelf. Let’s see what you got, booknerds!

Okay, now let’s get onto the important stuff…

legally blonde GIF by Meg Lewis

Continue reading “Book Tag: OMG That Song!”

Booknook Sunday: Office Reveal

Hey nerdos! Happy Sunday!

It’s been a bit since I did a book nook post and I chalk that up entirely to bad forethought and how absolutely lazy/busy I am on Sundays. By that, I mean Sundays are our “prepare for the week” day – groceries, garbage, making lunches, laundry. All the terrible adulting things that no one wants to do. And by the time we’re done I like to sit on my fucking ass.

That’s RIGHT. I SAID IT.

lazy adventure time GIF

(I really should be scheduling these.)

But, today is a little bit different. My husband is away so I haven’t done any of our responsible things like usual. That means I get to make a new post instead. This will essentially just be me showing off the hard work we did in my new office/guest room which used to be my oldest stepson’s bedroom (he moved out in the spring.)

My last one of these posts I think I said I’d share the finished product with you all once we were done. It’s been put together for a little while now, and I’ve been breaking it in. Getting used to doing things at my own desk instead of in my bed on a laptop board. I feel so adult (I’m not.)

I also have some beautiful book nooks to share with you all that I’ve collected from all over the internets to get your bookworm envy flowing.

But first, the “before”:

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It looks so small here, but just wait. We didn’t repaint, only touched up because I picked the colour of my stepson’s bedroom initially and I still really like it. It’s called stardew or something equally lame.

Also, please note the raccoon dog toy in the middle of the floor. Can’t even do some home reno without the little dude trying to join along in his own special way.

Continue reading “Booknook Sunday: Office Reveal”

Review: The 17th Suspect by James Patterson & Maxine Paetro

35959639★★★

Opening Hook: A pretty standard for the genre death scene

Main Characters: TONE IT THE FUCK DOWN

Plot Twisty-ness: B for Beffort.


So, this is the first review I’m posting on my blog of this series, but here’s the sordid background on me and this series:

I have read every single one of the books in this series. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Even the novellas.

You can find all of my reviews of them on Goodreads if you’re so inclined to watch my descent into pure, unadulterated hatred.

Oh, yes, that’s right. Hatred. I am well-versed in the Women’s Murder Club. And I fucking hate-read this series with a fiery, binge-y passion. Truthfully, I hate mostly everything Patterson writes.

Gather around, children and listen to your elder millennial: James Patterson is a fucking awful writer.

AWFUL. Continue reading “Review: The 17th Suspect by James Patterson & Maxine Paetro”

Review: Jane Doe by Victoria Helen Stone

“I’d heard it before, of course, usually from my mother. A nasty, cold-blooded, selfish, grasping, uppity, ungrateful goddamn little bitch. And I know that to be true. I could feel the coldness in my own veins.”

40941435★★★★

Opening Hook: More like opening another button, amiright?!

Main Character: Your new best sociopathic friend #4eva

Plot Twisty-ness: Jane’s plot could have used a tab more plotting, but otherwise satisfying in a totally sexual way


I really really liked this.

On the surface it’s the story of a woman hellbent on revenge for the suicide of her best friend, Meg. Her target: Meg’s abusive ex-boyfriend, Steven.

Jane leaves her expensive high-powered lawyer life in Kuala Lumpur behind, and moved to Minneapolis, giving herself a month or so to infiltrate Steven’s life and make him wish he’d never been born.

LIKE OMG SO FUN.

So that’s the basic idea of the novel. And already I know you’re thinking, “I’ve always wanted to change my identity and ruin someone’s life. Revenge is the best. Sign me up.”

But when you look past the surface, when you go a little bit deeper, you see that this is actually a novel of patriarchy-smashing awesomeness, as well as a giant middle finger to the hypocrisy of Evangelical Christians.

And that last part just feels so right it turned me on a little bit.

Continue reading “Review: Jane Doe by Victoria Helen Stone”

Friday’s Fave Five: My Favorite Murder

Attention Murderinos! Today’s post is solely dedicated to the world of My Favorite Murder!

If you don’t know what that is, then you must not be a true crime fan, because Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff are fucking RUNNING the true crime game right now.

Last September, I saw them live in Toronto. That was a crazy-ass show and I think I left the Sony Centre with hearing loss. Murderinos were losing their damn minds like One Direction just walked out onto the stage (One Direction is still a thing, right?)

Even though I’m a little bit behind on my podcast listening, I’m a Murderino for life. I’ve spent a lot of my hard earned money on their merchandise, including two sweaters, a t-shirt, some stickers that adorn my tablet case and most recently, a new keychain from an independent creator on Etsy that says “LOCK YOUR FUCKING DOOR.” It’s perfect and I can’t wait for it to ship.

These ladies are about to get even more of my dolla-bills, because it’s just been announced that they have a book coming out, published by MacMillan!

glee fangirl GIF

That’s right! Titled Stay Sexy and Don’t Get Murdered (what else would they call it?), this essential reading material is set to be released on May 28th next year. You can pre-order it RIGHT NOW here.

Continue reading “Friday’s Fave Five: My Favorite Murder”

Booknerd Wednesday: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Fall 2018!

We are officially-unofficially into the beginning of my favourite season!

Hoodies and pumpkins and leaves changing colour and no more sweat stains under my boobs or mosquito bites riddling my flesh. It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Image result for going into september like

You know what else there is to love about autumn? New book releases!!!

Here is my list of the top crime fiction/mystery/thriller/blahblahblah releases coming our way this season. Get your TBR shelves ready for the added weight!

Continue reading “Booknerd Wednesday: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Fall 2018!”

Review: A Wolf Like Me (Thomas Spell, #1) by Andy Fitz

35466013★★★

Opening Hook: You know how you perform dark rituals sometimes?

Main Character: If a less zany Ace Ventura was a werewolf

Plot Supernatural-ness: A new world, but we’re keeping Merlin


Okay, first things first: I do not typically read werewolf fiction because I’m not a big fan of the werewolf mythos unless I’m playing Skyrim and become one to join the Companions, then it can come in handy.

Given the choice that we typically get, vampires or werewolves, pick one! I am much more into vampires.

Not the sparkly kind who fall in love and just want to do good even if their hearts are cold…awwwww. But like Gary Oldman’s Dracula, Buffy the Vampire Slayer or some 30 Days of Night absolute horror. That to me is so much more interesting and creepy. Vampires are the first horror monster to scare me as a child, making me pull the blanket up to my neck at night as if that would protect me.

People who turn into big, scary dogs is just kind of weird. But I get the appeal to horror fans.

That being said, this book is pretty decent even for a werewolf hater like myself.

Continue reading “Review: A Wolf Like Me (Thomas Spell, #1) by Andy Fitz”

Review: The Hellfire Club by Jake Tapper

“The human soul isn’t sold once but rather slowly and methodically and piece by piece.”

34329347★★

Opening Hook: A politician, a dead woman and a car walk into a bar drive off of a bridge

Main Character: A bowl of oatmeal wearing khakis

Plot Twisty-ness: If you turned Washington D.C. into a corn maze


A word of advice, don’t read books that are outside of your interests because you have an intellectual crush on the author.

What are my interests, you might ask? Why did this book fall outside of them? Well, I’ll tell you…

This novel is about Charlie Marder, a newly appointed US Congressman.

He’s married to a zoologist (for some fucking reason) with a baby on the way, marching into Washington ready to make some positive changes guided by his strong moral compass and naivete. He has taken over the seat for a disgraced politician who was found dead after charges of corruption and racketeering.

Then there’s a mysterious note, a shooting in the Capitol, lots of talk about communism. McCarthy makes an appearance, as does JFK and numerous other real-life players in 1950s D.C. A dead girl,  a car crash and more communism and J. Edgar Hoover and Senate hearings and lobbyists.

A shadowy network of secret societies, a nefarious group known as the Hellfire Club who will stop at nothing to get what they want, soon have Charlie in their clutches. After some codes to decipher and some deep national secrets to Nicholas Cage out of the Library of Congress, Charlie realizes he’s not just trying to save himself, but that the fate of the whole country rests in his hands! Gasp! Shock!

And then the N-word gets uttered a time or two. You know how those racial tensions were back when ladies knew their place! Am I right?!

Continue reading “Review: The Hellfire Club by Jake Tapper”

Review: The Confession by Jo Spain

“That was us at the beginning of our fairytale. But here’s the thing about fairytales. Sometimes they’re darker than you can ever imagine.”

34941666

Opening Hook: As shocking as a golf club to the head

Main Character: I won’t be RSVPing to the pity party

Plot Twisty-ness: I guess anything can be called a thriller these days


I don’t think I’ve ever read a “thriller” this unimpressive before. And by that I mean, it’s like the author wasn’t even trying. For real, this was slowwwwwwwww. Boring, even.

I’m in the minority with my opinion, and that’s fine. But my opinion is the right one. HAHAHA just kidding (kind of.)

The Confession by Jo Spain is billed as a dark thriller, but it’s really more of a depressing autobiography of the main characters whose POVs we have to endure get to experience; how they got to that moment in 2012 when a banker is getting his head bashed in by a stranger with a golf club. These POVs take us all the way back to childhood in some cases, and quite honestly it was tedious as hell and in most cases, completely fucking irrelevant.

This approach to the storytelling drained all the energy out of the plot, making it feel sluggish, washing out anything that could be considered a shock or a twist.

There was something in the telling of events that lent itself more to realism, and while that is an accomplishment in contemporary novels, this was supposed to be a thriller. The goal being to thrill the reader with the shock of events we don’t experience in real life (hopefully.) This was anything but thrilling unless you consider your own yawns thrilling.

Continue reading “Review: The Confession by Jo Spain”