G.P. Putnam’s Sons | 2020
Opening Case: How much did Fatty Arbuckle actually weigh?
Main CSI: Gil Grissom maintains “old man crush” status.
Plot Truthi-ness: Beefs and peas in a dessert trifle.
You might think that you’re getting a novel about “murder, forensics and the birth of American CSI,” when you pick up this novel. That’s exactly what I thought. And also exactly what they put in the fucking title. But why should titles ever tell you what you’re really going to be reading about, I guess?
What you’re actually getting here is a choppy, mishmash of relatively boring cases and life stories about Oscar Heinrich, the “American Sherlock.” If I had known this was going to be about one man’s life, and not a historical rundown of the evolution of forensic sciences centred around different murder cases, I probably wouldn’t have read it.
But since I did, it’s necessary to note that I have no issue with a true-life story about a remarkable human who deserves to be applauded. It’s the execution of the telling of that life where it falls apart on this one.
I think this book is best described as the trifle Rachel makes on Friends. It was almost good, but something got fudged up so no one really wanted to eat it.
Continue reading “Review: American Sherlock – Murder, Forensics, and the Birth of American CSI by Kate Winkler Dawson”
Vintage Books | 2006
Opening Hook: Killer killing killers.
Main Character: The ultimate anti-hero.
Plot Twisty-ness: Only surprising if you haven’t watched the show.
I honestly have no idea what this review is going to be. Objective? Probably fucking not. I’m a huge fangirl of the Showtime series and it’s taken me basically a decade to get around to the source material, which honestly feels like a crime. Now that I have read it, I’m very confused about what I actually thought.
On one hand, the first season of the show followed this series-starting book very closely. I’m talking nearly word-for-word. The Barbie in the freezer, the nail-polish, the ice truck – it’s all there, save for the fact that Deb was cast differently than she was written. And I didn’t really like book-version Deb.
You would think that because I love the show and this was so close to the book, I would be head-over-heels after reading this.
Continue reading “Review: Darkly Dreaming Dexter (Dexter, #1) by Jeff Lindsay”
I got you with that title, didn’t I? It’s like, “Honey! I’m
home in the stew!”
Now that I have you’re attention, Ohhh shiiiittttt, do I have a story for you. We are going to learn about Katherine Knight, the first women in Australia’s history to be sentenced to life in prison without parole. Be prepared, because this bitch is a special kind of terrible.
I first heard about this case while I was watching make-up tutorial videos. Seems weird? I’ll explain. I haven’t really worn makeup since March when I started working from home, because what’s the fucking point? “Do it for yourself!” Aw, sweet…but no. Do you have any idea how much money I’ve spent on makeup? I’m not wasting that beautiful shit on the same pair of PJs I’ve been wearing for two days while I sit in front of the TV eating pretzel thins by the handful.
Part of me is definitely deprived of the joys of makeup though, so I’ve been filling that Color Pop palette sized hole in my heart by watching Bailey Sarian. Now, I admit I figured I was too old to really card about YouTube personalities, but apparently I just needed to find the right one. Now that I’ve discovered Bailey and her Mystery Makeup Monday series my life will never be the same. It’s makeup and a true crime story. I want to be her when I grow up. I love her.
What do I not love? Killing your husband and trying to eat him.
This case is fucked up – from the beginning of Katherine Knight’s life until she’s incarcerated. Hell, even beyond that. This woman says she is regularly visited in prison by the ghost of her dead uncle. Okay.
So here’s my content warning: if you’re triggered by things like domestic violence, child abuse or FUCKING SKINNING A HUMAN BODY, peace the fuck out.
The rest of you, gather ’round because it’s story time…
Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Cannibal Wife”
Dutton | 2019
Opening Hook: Catching your BF bending someone else over a couch.
Plot Twisty-ness: The entitlement of the rich.
Main Character: Every millennial woman.
If I had never read Final Girls or The Last Time I Lied, would I be giving this a higher rating?? Maybe. Please don’t look at my less-than-enthused review as a reason to not read this book, because everything Sager writes is a book to read, imho.
However, this third novel by Sager is just not as strong an offering as his previous two. Again, just my fangirl opinion.
I truly do love Sager. He and I should obviously be best friends because we like all the same things. And he’s built a writing career around paying homage to those favourite influences in the most satisfying way for me as a reader.
Lock Every Door is Rosemary’s Baby meets the United States poverty gap and healthcare. There are some elements included in the plot that are a bit misleading – is it a ghost story? Horror? Is there something satanic going on? But Sager takes that part of Rosemary’s Baby and flips it on its head to create commentary about U.S. healthcare and income inequality.
Now there’s a horror story, she says in Canadian.
That’s all I’ll say about that because I don’t want to get into spoilers.
Continue reading “Review: Lock Every Door by Riley Sager”
Imprint | 2019
DNF’d @ 53%
You know me – I generally don’t quit on books. I’m almost physically incapable of putting down a book if it means I will never know how the story unfolds. Even if I don’t necessarily like the story. It’s a neurotic trait that probably has something to do with the part of my personality that likes to know fucking everything, even the shit that doesn’t involve me.
Like, I don’t want to be involved in drama, but do I want to know about it? You bet you’re fucking ass. Tell me word-for-word what was said.
But, it turns out if the story is boring as all fucking hell, I have no issue putting it away and leaving it behind forever.
That’s the case with The Tenth Girl.
I am sorry, but this was possibly the most boring book I’ve ever read??? I’m struggling to think of something that has made my eyelids this goddamn heavy. All I can come up with is a curriculum book in tenth grade English class. I had my friend explain the book to me and I bullshit that essay like I do these reviews.
Continue reading “DNF Review: The Tenth Girl by Sara Faring”
OMG hiiiiiii! Fancy meeting you here on my blog tour for Megan Goldin’s newest release, The Night Swim. If you’re just stumbling across this Q&A post, be sure to go back to read my mega-blog tour post with an excerpt from the novel. There’s also a review on the book coming soon! What can I say? It’s been a busy week.
If you’re here because I told you to be here, thank you. I like people who follow instructions. My instructions, specifically. You’ll be glad you did because there’s a puppy picture coming up. No one can resist a puppers!
The blog tour for The Night Swim is running until August 18th, so treat these next two-ish weeks like a bar crawl. Visit some other book bloggers’ posts, reviews and opinions. But always remember, I’m the most important.
Continue reading “Author Interview: Megan Goldin #blogtour”
Get in losers, we’re going Blog Touring!!
This is my stop on the blog tour for Megan Goldin’s new novel, The Night Swim. This blog tour stop has everything and it’s coming at you fast and furious like a Vin Diesel and The Rock feud!
I’m giving you a book review (coming soon), an author Q&A, and an excerpt from the novel – the first two chapters! Plus there are screaming babies in Ru Paul wigs, two otters holding hands, puppets in disguise – it’s that thing like when Alf wore a trench coat, so he could go out in public; a Russian guy who runs on a treadmill wearing a Trump hat, CVS receipts and Bill Nye the Science Guy teaching you about climate change!
…Okay, most of those things are not real and are not included in this blog post. Sorry to get your Ru Paul baby wig hopes up. But the stuff about the book is definitely real, and that’s just as exciting.
Continue reading “Blog Tour: The Night Swim by Megan Goldin”
“Being psycho doesn’t make you bad, being bad makes you bad. Being a psycho and bad makes you dangerous.”
Bloodhound Books | 2018
Opening Hook: Face/Off without Nic Cage.
Main Character: At least she’s not on pills.
Plot Twisty-ness: Not your average YouTube makeup tutorial.
If you’re the kind of person who just can’t resist a UK crime procedural with a damaged main character and a twisted killer who masturbates a lot (like a lot,) then this is the book for you, you fucking weirdo.
Lucky for me, I’m a weirdo too, so I was totally into this first instalment in the Rosalind Kray series.
Rosalind is everything you want to be – drunk and eating junk food.
She’s also a single mother since her husband was murdered. Rosalind carries around survivor’s guilt by the butt-load, uses alcohol just to sleep, uses casual sex with her partner to numb the pain and investigates murder as a distraction.
So, you know, everything you don’t want to be.
Continue reading “Review: Faceless (DI Rosalind Kray, #1) by Rob Ashman”
Thomas & Mercer | 2020
Opening Hook: Get winter tires.
Main Character: I don’t remember.
Plot Twisty-ness: Small-town amnesia.
If you’re sick to death of this extreme heat, which I always am even before it starts, then this snowy thriller is the perfect read to cool off this summer. How’s that for a goddamn tagline, huh? I should do this shit professionally. Someone pay me. Oh, and today is the official pub day!
Alright, so I was offered this book by the author, Danielle Girard, in exchange for a review. These authors know what they’re getting into when they ask me to review their books, so I’m always honest even when it’s negative, and I don’t feel bad about it.
Fortunately for all of us, I don’t really have too much to say that’s negative about this first instalment in the Badlands series… except like two things… three things… four things… Okay, whatever, we’ll count them up at the end.
Continue reading “Review: White Out (Badlands Thriller, #1) by Danielle Girard”
Delacorte Press | 2019
Opening Hook: Jamie Lee this Prom Queen ain’t.
Main Character: A Murderino Nancy Drew.
Plot Twisty-ness: Boiled chicken without seasoning.
Here we are again. Welcome to yet another edition of “Krystin tries to read YA!”
Aside from Undead Girl Gang, which I totally fucking loved, I feel like I’ve been trying for 84 years like that lady from Titanic to get into YA mystery/thrillers and it’s just one disappointment after the next.
That’s not to say that the books aren’t good. Okay? Calm your energy. I’m not here to shit on your genre of choice. In almost every case, it’s has been an “it’s me, not you” situation. I am just not the right audience for this genre.
I wish I was! I would love to relax with a YA thriller because the R-rated shit can get to be a bit too much. Being constantly inundated with the most heinous plotlines can warp a person who also watches too much news. This planet is a dumpster fire. Yes, I see a therapist regularly, thank you.
I feel like a YA thriller would really help me unwind. Alas, of the 55 books on my “young-adult” Goodreads shelf, I have like 3 of them.
Overall, these books make me feel very much like…
Continue reading “Review: Two Can Keep a Secret by Karen McManus”