Friday’s Fave Five: My Favourite Villains in Crime Fiction

Omigod, you guys, it’s Friday! I can’t believe I made. Honestly I almost fell asleep at work numerous times. Anyone else feel like this week dragged on foreverrrr?

I say IT’S FRIDAY!!! like I’m going to party or something. No. You should know me better than that by now. I went to the Foo Fighters concert last Thursday and it took a LITERAL WEEK for me to recover from being up until 3:30 in the morning. That is not even a joke. I wish it were.

Welcome to your 30s.

Even if I did have a quicker recovery time like I used to, I’m an introvert. I don’t want to party. Ugh, what a nightmare!

busy bel powley GIF by Carrie Pilby The Movie

A blissful Friday to me looks more like laying in bed, eating low-calorie popcorn, and not worrying about how late I read or watch TV because I don’t have to be up for work the next day.

Paradise.

I picked up The Last Time I Lied – the new Riley Sager – to read this weekend, but before I get to that I desperately want to finish Caged by Ellison Cooper.

I have to say, the villain in Caged is the most twisted diabolical serial killer I’ve read in a while. It’s making me very uncomfortable and super excited at the same time, which is my favourite emotional state to be in while I’m reading.

All I’ll say is kitten and puppies. Take that as a trigger warning if you’re an animal lover, like me.

Despite that, I’m definitely feeling this super villain. If I look back at the books I love, the villain is usually a huge part of my ratings. Good villains are addictive, the joy of loving to hate them is uncompromising.

Sure, you can write good crime fiction with a run-of-the-mill serial killer. You know, someone with a foot fetish or some weird masturbating techniques because of mommy, but when the villain is engaging with the reader on that next level with either their personality or the extreme nature of their crimes, I’m hooked.

kate mckinnon snl GIF by Saturday Night Live

Let’s take a look at my choices for the top 5 villains in crime fiction. Continue reading “Friday’s Fave Five: My Favourite Villains in Crime Fiction”

Friday’s Fave Five: Canadian Authors

If you’re in the US right now everything is red, white and blue for Independence Day. The month of July gets y’all fired up and feeling aggressively patriotic. Fireworks and eagles, and 1 in 3 people predicting a civil war, and immigrant children in cages. It’s amazing.

happy july 4 GIF

Here in Canada, July has a similar effect. The 1st is Canada Day, our birthday. Everything is red and white, beavers and fireworks and our Prime Minister probably out somewhere taking selfies. True North, Strong and Free, bitches!

Most people don’t even realize we’re celebrating a thing at all. And that’s fine, really, because we know and we go all out, covering ourselves in maple syrup and doing sexual things with hockey sticks. Maybe. Probably. Whatever. Don’t judge.

But it got me thinking, we Canadians have a lot to be proud of that doesn’t necessarily get recognized across borders until someone like Justin Bieber becomes an international sensation and people start screaming “take him back, Canada!” and we’re like, “but we don’t want him either! You made him weird! He’s too religious now!”

We’ve developed this terrible habit of pointing out everyone and everything that’s Canadian. It’s like saying, “Hey! We’re here too! We do some cool stuff!”

south park canada GIF

My husband is from New York state. He moved to Canada in 2015 after we got married. And one of his favourite things has become laughing at me every time I say “they’re Canadian” without even realizing the words are coming out of my mouth. All Canadians do this. It comes from a deep, dark place of feeling less than.

Continue reading “Friday’s Fave Five: Canadian Authors”

Review: The Next Girl (DI Gina Harte, #1) by Carla Kovach

37889327★★★

Opening Hook: Dumpster baby.

Main Character: PTSD and inappropriate work places romance.

Plot Twisty-ness: Given away in the synopsis, because I guess why the hell not?


This was pretty enjoyable, I have to say. For a debut in a series it hit mostly all the right notes. But at the same time, it was missing aspects that I look for to really make a procedural more than just the typical.

The story boils down to an abandoned baby, a woman who’s been missing for four years (who is the mother of that baby,) and one seasoned, but borderline PTSD, detective on the case.

You hear all of that and you think, yes gimme! It sounds like the perfect recipe. But I’m left feeling a little bit like Gordon Ramsey on Master Chef when someone brings up a beautiful looking dish and he tastes it, gets a funny look on his face and says: “It looks fantastic, but where’s the seasoning? Did you salt the fucking chicken?”

Carla Kovach forgot to salt the fucking chicken on this one.

It’s a minor mistake in the grand scheme of things, but it means something is off the whole time you’re eating.

…I don’t know why I’m doing a food metaphor, honestly. I hate food metaphors. And I had such a big lunch that I don’t even want to think about eating ever again. Ugh.

gordon ramsey idiot GIF

Continue reading “Review: The Next Girl (DI Gina Harte, #1) by Carla Kovach”

Booknerd Wednesday: WWW Edition

I’m coming down off of the Canada Day long weekend. For those among us that don’t know what Canada Day is, it’s our goddamn birthday! July 1st! HOW DARE YOU NOT SEND US A CARD!

prime minister shrug GIF

It currently feels like there is nothing worse than going back to work after a long weekend. I’m exhausted even though I did literally the bare minimum for three days straight. To top it off, it’s been hotter than Satan’s taint outside. A heat warning has been in effect for a literal week. My dog is getting cabin fever because he can’t play outside longer than ten minutes without risking heat stroke. Same applies to my husband, honestly.

Climate change is going to kill us all, but first it’s making me sweat and I don’t like it.

I behaved like a vampire all weekend. Blinds drawn to create total darkness, keeping the homicidal sun away from my fair skin. The AC blasting, keeping me cool and fresh like a corpse in a morgue. And when my husband tried to touch me with his hotter-than-normal body, I burst into a hundred bats and flew away.

Continue reading “Booknerd Wednesday: WWW Edition”

Review: The Lies They Tell by Gillian French

35887572★★½

Opening Hook: Rich people get lit (on fire.)

Main Character: A copy of a copy of a copy…

Plot Twisty-ness: Kiddie-rollercoaster levels.


I was really hoping this was going to be sweaty, atmospheric summer thriller. But I only got 1 out of 2 from that list.

Depending on what’s important to you – the atmosphere or the thrills – you’re either going to love this or not.

Immediately upon starting this I got a Revenge meets Gossip Girl meets Riverdale vibe. It’s got that spoiled teens with no adult supervision in the Hamptons thing going on.

It’s very rich versus poor. The pool owners and the pool cleaners. The haves and the have-nots.

The novel opens with a bang, so to speak, when the Haves suffer a tragedy the year prior – the Garrison estate goes up in flames, killing four members of the family. The only survivor is their teenage son, Tristan. The town is straight shooketh, casting blame and suspicion on the members of the Have Nots, because of course the poor people want to kill the “elites.” Right, ‘Murica?

the kingsmen laughing GIF by Collider

Continue reading “Review: The Lies They Tell by Gillian French”

True Crime Tuesday: A Spring Break Nightmare

Back when it was originally airing, I watched Dexter religiously. If you didn’t love that show I question your taste on literally everything.

Now, a depressing number of years later, I’m re-watching the series, introducing it to my husband who had never heard of it. He was so very sheltered before me, you guys. I can’t even explain it without things getting weird. Keywords: Christian & cult.

alligator swims GIF

Anyhooters…on one of the last episodes we watched Doakes is trying to make a break from the cabin where Dexter has him held captive – (it’s been literally five years since the series finale, you don’t get spoiler warnings anymore!) – and when he breaks free, he’s lost in the Florida everglades where he stumbles upon a hungry alligator.

It got me thinking, what better way to get rid of a body in that area than feeding it to an alligator? That’s got to have been done before right?!

RIGHT.

In doing some research for this weekend TCT post, I stumbled upon this fucked up story about a spring break gone terribly wrong, and an alligator pit.

For the record, these things are actual fucking dinosaurs, and that’s scary as hell.

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: A Spring Break Nightmare”

Review: A French Quarter Violet by E.J. Findorff

34340697★★½

Opening Hook: Vague and underwhelming

Main Character: Way too focussed on the tingles in her hoo-ha

Plot Twisty-ness: A disconnected jumping of the shark


This book was super frustrating for me because it has the bones of something that could have been really, really good. But the execution was off; the focus was not on the right things so choices in the plot felt clunky, and out of place.

Set in New Orleans, I was desperately seeking to be overwhelmed with that atmosphere. To feel the weather, to hear the culture, to have the architectural city streets  at the forefront of the scene creation. But it never came. The author brought in some Voodoo elements, but it didn’t fit with the rest of the book. Either go full New Orleans – dark and magical and historic – a Skeleton Key tone. Or follow the erotic, police procedural lane that 75% of the book was in – a Double Jeopardy tone. The two didn’t mesh well.

Honestly, I would have totally preferred a dark and magical New Orleans thriller, with voodoo and a sexually deviant serial killer. Like I said, the bones were there and it should have hit the gas in that lane instead of coasting in and out of the lines.

It just never came together the way it should. It didn’t feel like it knew what it wanted to be, hence the “clunky”.

Continue reading “Review: A French Quarter Violet by E.J. Findorff”

Book Tag: 100 Truths!

I like the idea of this tag because I function from honesty always….but also because it reminds me of being on MySpace in the early 2000s. #emo

If you are familiar with my reviews or general things I write around here, it’s not going to come as a surprise to you that I can be very straightforward with my opinions and thoughts. And in the spirit of my honest principle (different from the pleasure principle) I’m going to be straight with you: This tag is lonnnggggg.

And it will only be interesting to you, if you a) want to know more about me to better stalk me via the internet, or b) think I’m funny and want to see what crazy shit comes out of my mouth.

I’ll try to keep my answers short and bitter sweet so it doesn’t take you as long to read as it did for me to write it.

For the record: this tag was originally created by Debbie @ My Random Musings and I picked it up from Greyson over at Use Your Words.

Okay, bitches…

ready come on GIF

Continue reading “Book Tag: 100 Truths!”

Booknerd Wednesday: Mystery & Thriller Releases for Summer 2018!

Summer officially started last week! Do you feel it – the unbearable heat? Do you hear it – the sound of mosquitos eating me alive. Aw, summer.

The stepkid – hereby referred to as “15” for the purposes of my blog – had her last exam and is leaving on Saturday for an extended visitation with Crazy Pants, the bio-mom.

…and to me that means FREEDOM!

mel gibson braveheart GIF

*slowly starts to paint face blue*

I’m kidding.

I whine sometimes, but being a stepmom is really not that bad compared to some of the horror stories I’ve heard in my support group. (It’s still a hard thing to do, hence the support group.) But, the kid is pretty clean and polite and doesn’t think I’m an evil twat, so I think I’m doing okay.

I will say, I’m glad the older one moved out because teenage 👏 boys 👏 are 👏 fucking 👏 gross👏. My clean/organized neurosis couldn’t take it anymore.

It’s all progress and winning in my life right now…you know, except for the stuff that isn’t. But, I have a good feeling about this summer *knocks on wood.*

Some people can’t wait for summer because it means the beach and amusement parks and camping and whatever the hell else extroverted, outdoorsy people do. I can’t wait for summer because it means quiet and a warm breeze coming through my bedroom window while I sit around in no pants (apparently you have to wear pants around stepchildren) reading the summer’s hottest books.

And what might those books be you ask? Well I’m happy to tell you.

Here is my list of the new mystery & thriller books coming your way this summer. Get your TBR ready!

Continue reading “Booknerd Wednesday: Mystery & Thriller Releases for Summer 2018!”

Review: The Girl I Use to Be by April Henry

25944786★★

I’ve yet to read a YA mystery-thriller that really works for me. I’m looking for logic. And if there can’t be logic, I’m looking for it to not take itself so seriously.

I picked up this book because April Henry is one of my youngest stepkid’s favourite authors. I have been asked, for what seems like years, to read her books. Which is super sweet that the kid wants to share that with me, but at the same time, I’m really bad at pretending to care about something.

But I’m going to have to act like I liked this as not to disappoint and emotionally scar this young person in my full-time care. I don’t want to be dismissive.

So at home I LOVED THIS AND I CAN TOTALLY SEE WHY YOU LOVE THIS AUTHOR AND WANTED TO SHARE IT WITH ME.

But, here, which is technically my private space (that is also accessible to anyone with an internet connection), I did not like this.

Not because it’s bad. But because I’m the wrong audience for it. My brain is way too rational. I require a book to make honest-to-life-sense, unless it’s purposefully setting itself up to be campy.

The Girl I Used to Be takes itself too seriously.

And I hate to say this, but I think my age stops me from being able to buy whatever shit an author wants to throw at me. Don’t worry about this illogical inconsistency, just enjoy. I CAN’T.

Continue reading “Review: The Girl I Use to Be by April Henry”