DNF Review: Murder on the Rocks by Clara Nipper

“I’m fighting crime with my twat.”

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Bold Stroke Books | 2016

Opening Hook: Bullets and blood and zero follow-up

Main Character: SUCH A DICKHOLE

Plot Twisty-ness: I mean, the butt plug was unexpected so…


Soooooo, honestly what the fuck is this? It’s been a while since I read something this cringe-worthy.

Part of my bookish New Years resolutions is to tackle my backlog of Netgalley arcs that I’ve been putting off reading. This is one of those books. And it’s going to be my first DNF @ 48%.

First of all, let’s talk about how this is presented to the reader – as a detective crime fiction novel. But, as far as I read, this book fits that category in only the most liberal sense of the genre.

The main character, Jill Roberts, is a detective. Check.

She visits a couple of crime scenes. Check.

Continue reading “DNF Review: Murder on the Rocks by Clara Nipper”

Throwback Thursday: All the Books I Hated in 2018!

Look, it’s no secret that I’m a picky reader and I tear books to shreds like it’s my fucking job. (It’s not and I don’t get paid for this.)

I have no shame or guilt in how I come across. Quite honestly, I wear my Book Bitch reputation like a badge of honour. I don’t do sugar-coating. I don’t do polite for the sake of someone’s feelings (that’s called lying.) And I don’t beat around the bush. Either I like something or I don’t, and if I don’t I’ll let you know why so that you don’t waste your sweet, precious life reading turds.

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Inspector Turd Miner, at your service.

If you’re a writer – I do it so you can get better. No one ever grew from being told they were perfect just the way they are. You want to be a great writer, then listen to the negative reviews that are actually blunt, constructive criticism trying to give a little help. I’m not saying listen to the shit talking. There’s a difference.

I don’t tear things down just for the fun of it, I do it so that everyone can grow. Do I have fun though? Obviously, or I wouldn’t be here. (Like I said, I’m not getting paid.)

Continue reading “Throwback Thursday: All the Books I Hated in 2018!”

Top Ten: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Q1 2019!

Happy New Year, Nerdos!!

Are you still nursing a little bit of a hangover? I hate drinking in my 30s because those headaches and stomach rumbles, and just overall feeling of having been hit by a truck, seem to last days instead of hours. Aw, the joys of ageing.

But here we are again – another year gone, a new one just beginning. More birthdays on the horizon. It’s just one more trip around the sun. And I’m so happy to be here with all of you for the journey talking about books and murder and maybe weed sometimes. Now there’s a way to avoid a hangover, get high instead!

So, while we float around on a rock in an unknowable universe, held down by an invisible force as we circle a giant ball of fire for another year, let’s read some books to pass some of that time!

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2019 is shaping up to be a good year for crime fiction so get your budgets ready, your library card dusted off and your stretchy pants on! Here’s my list of the top buzz-worthy reads for the first quarter of 2019!

Continue reading “Top Ten: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Q1 2019!”

Fave Five: My Top 5 Reads of 2018!! (It was easy to narrow down because I’m such a grumpy bitch.)

Holy shit! Can you even believe it’s about to be 2019?!

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Because seriously, 2018 felt like the longest year on record. Maybe it was all of the racism, xenophobia, misogyny and fake outrage drummed up to make both sides of the political spectrum look insane – but seriously, my mental health took a beating this year.

We had the fucking Olympics this year? Do you even remember that? Does it feel like it happened in a different space and time? Because it fucking didn’t – it happened in 2018!

I’m drained. I’m exhausted. I can’t take any more negativity.

I started this blog at the beginning of 2018 with a post about how much Trump sucks, and how I needed books to get through the crumbling state of the world.

And I’m going to end this year with the same sentiment. Trump sucks. His supporters suck. Their bullshit is seeping over the borders of every other country, with racist, far-right dipshits seeing his successes (if you can call them that) as a sign that it’s finally their time to impose their hateful world-view on the rest of us.

Quite honestly, I don’t know how much more I can take. How hard is it to be kind? How hard is it to just let others live their lives in the way they choose to if it isn’t hurting anyone, even if you don’t understand it? I don’t understand the preoccupation with the benign details and choices that other people make.

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GET A LIFE.

That’s my hope for 2019. I hope all you hateful, obsessive motherfuckers can get a fucking life in the new year because I swear, that’s what’s going to fix you. If you had a happy and fulfilled life you wouldn’t be so fucking concerned with everyone else and where they put their body parts, or what colour their body parts are or what body parts they wished they had. Just get a fucking life.

And my second hope for 2019, if you can’t get a life, is that you at least find a way to express your sexuality without guilt. A guilt-free orgasm, in exactly the way you want it with another consenting adult, can do wonders for a shitty fucking attitude.

Get A Life. Have An Orgasm. 2019🥂

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With that said, my hopes aren’t high for the coming year. It feels like a “everything needs to get worse before it can get better” kind of situation. Books are going to be as important to me in 2019 as they were in 2018, maybe even more so.

So I want to take a look back on my top five reads of this past year. The books that fixed the world around my personal bubble for a just a few hours.

Continue reading “Fave Five: My Top 5 Reads of 2018!! (It was easy to narrow down because I’m such a grumpy bitch.)”

Review: Bird Box by Josh Malerman

Something is out there, something terrifying that must not be seen. One glimpse of it, and a person is driven to deadly violence. No one knows what it is or where it came from.

This review was originally written and posted in August 2015. But considering the Netflix movie has just been released, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to migrate this over from Goodreads!

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★★★★

Echo | 2014

Opening Hook: Russia is once again fucking things up for the rest of the world.

Main Character: Last longer than I would.

Plot Twisty-ness: One of the more unique books I’ve ever read.

Yeah, okay, so I really liked this book.

While I was reading, I was reminded of an episode of Supernatural where Castiel reveals his true angel visage to a woman and her eyes burn out of her skull. Humans are simply not equipped to handle the overwhelming righteousness of these holy warriors’ true form. But this woman couldn’t help but look. She needed to see, couldn’t live in that moment without knowing. And so bad shit happened to her, even though she’d been warned. 

I feel like if I had been in this world, I’d be dead. For realsies. I give myself 3 minutes.

Continue reading “Review: Bird Box by Josh Malerman”

Book Nook Sunday: Holiday Edition

The next time I put out a Booknook Sunday post I really wanted it to be about my new reading/rec room space in my basement that we pushed to get together for the end of the year. And we did accomplish that, I will say, but only for about 3 weeks…

After that, if you’ve read my posts over the last few weeks, you’ll know we had a broken pipe in the kitchen that has resulted in some fucking annoying water damage that has ruined my ceiling, walls and floor in my brand new rec room.

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And to answer the question I know you’ve got on your mind, yes all my books are safe and sound!

I’ll save that special personal post for whenever my basement is back together (fingers crossed for the end of January,) and for now, we’ll get into the spirit of the season – pure, unadulterated envy over other people’s personal book nooks.

I’ve scoured the internet for some of the most beautiful personal libraries decorated for the holidays.

Try not to drool on your phone/computer…


Continue reading “Book Nook Sunday: Holiday Edition”

Review: Pretty Ugly Lies by Pamela Crane

It seems like everyone who settles down is miserable. They’re either broke or stressed or plagued with a sense of duty to someone who doesn’t appreciate them.

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★★★½

Bloodhound Books | 2018

Opening Hook: Kill your family for freedom!

Main Characters: Whiny bitches, but like, I totally get it.

Plot Twisty-ness: Twisty, but almost doesn’t make sense.

This book is going to cut with different women in different ways because the content is so heavily focussed on the various “caregiver” roles that women play. Wife, mother, friend, sister, lover.

It focuses on those roles with a decidedly negative lens. Like, suuuuuuuper negative. Like, if you were thinking about getting married, this will give you pause. If you were are on the fence about having kids, this will confirm your worst fears.

The story is told by four women – Jo, Shayla, Ellie and June – who all live on Oleander Way. Some know each other, some don’t, but they are connected by their neighbourhood.

We open on a murder. A husband and two children have been gutted in their home in the middle of the day. But who’s husband and children? And why did it happen? As the story unfolds, this mystery seemingly becomes less important than all the other crazy shit that happens to these four women.

Continue reading “Review: Pretty Ugly Lies by Pamela Crane”

Book Tag: The Versatile Blogger Award, Take 2

It’s Take Two of his book tag! This time I’ve been nominated by the lovely Emily over at A Literary Life. 

The Versatile Blogger Award

You can find “Take One” of this tag here.

My original questions remain the same – What is the criteria for this? How am I versatile? I don’t feel versatile. Most Scorpios aren’t if you believe in that kind of gobbly-goop. Which I occasionally do when it’s hilarious and on the nose.

I can solemnly swear that I am consistently stubborn and extremely picky. And the only time me and the words “laid back” are in the same sentence is when it comes to my social views. Otherwise, watch out, because I am definitely a Crabby Patty. 

With that said, I do love being tagged in things so I’ll take it! 

🔪THE RULES

  • Thank the person who gave you the award.
  • Include a link to their blog.
  • Select 7 blogs/bloggers that you’ve discovered recently or regularly follow.
  • Nominate those 7 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award.
  • Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

For the record, I distinctly remember having a very difficult time coming up with facts about myself the first time around. I don’t know why, but it turns out talking about myself can be a difficult task.

So, if you’re reading along and one or two of the facts happen to be things like “I have arms” or “I wear clothes to work,” just accept these answers and move on.

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Continue reading “Book Tag: The Versatile Blogger Award, Take 2”

Review: Marked for Life (Jana Berzelius, #1) by Emelie Schepp

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★★

MIRA | 2016

Opening Hook: A child’s jam-hand marks on a murder scene.

Main Character: A Swedish robot with advanced A.I.

Plot Twisty-Ness:  A by-the-book snoozer procedural 


I’ll be honest, the only reason I read this was because of the cover. It’s pretty sexy. 

Unfortunately, outside of that shallow element, this book didn’t work for me at all. And go figure, basing a decision on literally nothing of depth didn’t leave me fulfilled. Shocking.

I’ll chalk up my low-rating of this Scandinavian thriller to an all-encompassing “lost in translation” excuse. But in the nature of full disclosure, the other reviews I’ve read have said even the original language version is a sleeper. Proceed to TBR at your own risk. 

Continue reading “Review: Marked for Life (Jana Berzelius, #1) by Emelie Schepp”

Book Tag: The Entertaining Blogger Award

I’ll be accepting this award tag from Sam @ Fictionally Sam with relish. Thank you for thinking of me, Sam!

This might be my favourite “honour” so far because a large part of the joy I get from doing this blog is that I get to release the mouthy, witty bitch who is only known by those closest to me. Believe it or not, I’m actually a shy introvert who takes a very long time to open up in person.

But deep down, what you read on this blog, and the personality you hopefully pick up on in my words, is who I am. 

There is something about writing that makes the truest part of me flow so easily. Getting to express that – to write and be myself at the same time – satisfies some serious self-care, self-expression that are needs essential to my mental health. 

Hello, I am strictly here for internet validation. 

I’m here because I love reading, I love writing, I love talking books and I love being creative. So, the fact that anyone reads what I’m doing here at all, I’m so flattered by. But that you would also think, “I like her, she’s entertaining,” is such a sweet extra, and I’m so grateful. 

And now that I’ve written a bunch of shit that will make new readers think, “she’s actually not entertaining at all though?” On to the award!

Continue reading “Book Tag: The Entertaining Blogger Award”