My Top Reads of 2021!

As promised from my previous cranky bitch post, here are my tippy-tappy tippy tip top-rated books from last year. To be clear, these are books that I actually really liked and, in some cases, loved. It’s unlike me, but it does happen.

And actually, let me just say, that it happened ten times in 2021. That’s right, there are ten fucking books on this list. 10! Maybe that’s not a lot to you, but for me and my reading history…

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But then, only one of them earned my elusive 5-star rating, so…

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Who knows, this time next year, maybe I’ll be writing my top reads post and I’ll have fifteen or even twenty books on it. Can you imagine? Me, liking that many books? Or giving more than one book 5-stars?

Roselyn Sanchez Hello GIF by FOX TV

This is my year of transformation after all – my health and my mind and my overall energy on this fucking shit planet. I’m laser focussed on evolving. It’s also my year to read what I already own and I’d like to believe I didn’t spend the disgusting amount of money I have to fill my bookshelves on shitty reads.

So, could a convergence of those two things mean that I have my very own grinch moment where my heart grows three times its normal size and I start giving out good reviews like I’m Oprah giving out cars? Or my cat giving out poop on the carpet? Unlikely. But then, I would have guessed Trump and COVID were unlikely, too. And yet, here we are.

This simulation/multiverse timeline is fucked up.

Despite that, here are the ten books I read last year that made this *gestures broadly at everything* a little more worth it.

Continue reading “My Top Reads of 2021!”

All the Books I Hated in 2021!

And I’m back! Happy New Year!

50 Best 2022 Memes | Daily Funny Memes | Best Damn Photos

2021 has come & gone in the blink of an eye and a pile of books (that keeps getting bigger, please send help.) And let me tell you, some of the books I picked from that pile in 2021 were fucking shit. So, as is my tradition at Here’s The Fucking Twist, the first post of the new year is dedicated to all the books I read last year that were disappointing, rage-inducing or just straight-up garbage.

Before I write a new post for this particular series, I always go back and read the one I wrote the previous year to see what I had to say – what was my mindset going into the new year?

Apparently, I had a lot more optimism at the start of 2021 than I ended with. It was a hard year, a stagnant year, another year of a global pandemic that really revealed to me how stupid people are and how much we all hate each other. So that’s fun and not at all depressing. It’s one of the reasons I’m going into 2022 with trepidation. I’ll keep some optimism, because I have to, but like… from a distance. I’m giving 2022 a wide berth. This year can stay over there and I’ll be over here, in my house. Again. Still. Forever. No one fucking talk to me unless you are definitively not an asshole.

Andy Samberg Beer GIF by The Lonely Island

While 2022 will certainly bring its fair share of shit books because I’m like a goddamn magnet for them, let’s get back to saying goodbye to all the terrible ones I read in 2021. Books that did nothing to distract me from the plague-ridden hellscape we call Earth. I was my hands (for 30 seconds!!) of them!

I did, however, manage to read 75 books in total which is an improvement from what my trauma-response brain was capable of in 2020. Like, I traded Twitter doom-scrolling and mainlining American 24-hour news for Goosebump books and shitty ARCs.

That’s got to count for something. Do we consider it a step up? We’re going to.

So, cheers to all the truly shitty books out of 75! *Barry Manilow voice* Looks like we made ittttt!

I read them so you don’t have to, friends!

Continue reading “All the Books I Hated in 2021!”

🎄Merry Everything and Happy Whatever!

That’s right, it’s here again! My annual “end of the year” post to wish you a very happy holiday season, whatever you lovely book nerds and murderinos celebrate. I can’t believe I’m writing another one of these. Smash Mouth got it right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming…

So, it is T-minus 5 days until that Very Merry Morning, and honestly, I’m not sure how we got here. Like, first it’s Christmas and then what’s next? The new year?! Excuse you, stupid fucking calendar! I’m just supposed to accept that it’s 2022? How? And why? And how again?

I’m still processing 2020, but somehow two more years have come and gone in this unprecedented pandemic that gets more and more precedented the longer we keep doing half-measures. I didn’t read as much as I hoped to this year, my blogging fell off, my mental health has been teetering right on the edge for twelve full months, and I didn’t get my shit together physically like I wanted to.

Really all I got out of 2021 was another year older, under eye cream for fine lines and a little agoraphobia.

That’s some bullshit, but I guess there’s always next year.

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Continue reading “🎄Merry Everything and Happy Whatever!”

“Yes, It’s a Christmas Movie!” Your Essential Holiday Horror Watchlist #Slashmas

If you’re like me, horror movies are a year-round staple, there for you in any situation.

Sad? Silence of the Lambs. In need of a comfort movie? The Conjuring. Feeling that itch once again for Vincent D’Onofrio to visually traumatize you? The Cell. Feeling nostalgic? Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Celebrating your Anniversary? The Exorcist. Just want to have a good time? Scream. Looking to reaffirm your decision to not have children? The Omen.

But there are two seasons that demand an inordinate amount of horror movies. Halloween, obviously. And Christmas/whatever you celebrate this time of year (personally, for me, it’s Yule.)

I feel like Christmas horror tends to get forgotten in the tidal waves that are traditional Christmas movies and all that Hallmark shit. Hey, if you love that Hallmark shit, no judgement. I’m just saying I would much rather watch someone get dismembered by a psychotic Santa than another single career-woman learn the true meaning of Christmas from some square-jawed local after she returns to her hometown.

And they lived happily ever after… no, I want chaos!

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For me, there is no better way to get into my seasonal feels than a dark winter night with a decorated tree, cozy pyjamas and a sorority house being terrorized on Christmas Eve by the calls coming from inside the house.

So, if you’re looking for a little blood & guts with your merry & bright, I’ve got all the recs you ho-ho-hoes are going to need this holiday season.

I’ve listed everything in alphabetical order to keep it simple, but look for the 🔪 to know whiches ones I highly recommend.

Continue reading ““Yes, It’s a Christmas Movie!” Your Essential Holiday Horror Watchlist #Slashmas”

Review: Camp Slaughter by Sergio Gomez

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★★½

Independent Publication | 2019

Filed Under: I see you found my trophy room, Dalton. The only thing missing is your ass!


Ugh, damn it…

This is such a bummer.

I really wanted to love this, but nope, couldn’t get there. It was just meh for me. It’s got all the things you expect from a slasher story – unsuspecting victims being gruesomely murdered in the woods by a psychotic killer – but, really all it has are things taken from other slasher stories. A lot of this felt off, like it was simply a copy of a copy rather than a story with something of its own to say. And it wasn’t exactly scary.

The plot invests in giving the cannibal killer a backstory, but I found it kind of boring, with pieces that didn’t totally connect. He was living independently off the grid, has excellent hunting skills, can make pants out of human skin and has escaped detection as a prolific serial killer for years, but he’s also intellectually disabled with the linguistic skills of a third grader? And he’s a cannibal, but also interested in keeping women as pets? Um, okay.

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The killer was a mishmash of every other killer from other slasher stories and that felt kind of lazy. Like, just put Leatherface, Jason and The Hills Have Eyes cannibals into a cabin in the woods and then fold in the cheese. And voila! It’s this fucking guy.

Continue reading “Review: Camp Slaughter by Sergio Gomez”

Mini-Review Dump💩: Petrified Women, The Lodge, The Skeleton Tree and The Retreat

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Reviews in this post:

  • Petrified Women by Jeremy Ray
  • The Lodge by Chris Coppel
  • The Skeleton Tree by Diane Janes
  • The Retreat by Elisabeth de Mariaffi
Continue reading “Mini-Review Dump💩: Petrified Women, The Lodge, The Skeleton Tree and The Retreat”

Review: Death in the Family (Shana Merchant, #1) by Tessa Wegert

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★★★★

Berkley | 2020

Filed Under: “Everything all right?” / “Yep, two corpses, everything’s fine.”


If you are looking for a modern Agatha Christie/Clue style locked-room mystery, may I suggest this fucking book to you?

Because I’m gonna.

This novel is such a throwback and I ended up liking it a lot… once I got past my assumptions of what the novel was going to be.

Apparently, it’s very easy for me to get used to the vibe of those fast-paced thrillers that are constantly trying to outdo the previous new release with twists and shocks. Read enough of them and I guess I can forget about the beauty in a subtle, classic mystery. Death in the Family was a needed reminder for me.

When I first started this, the tone and pace weren’t working for me. But that’s because I’m a stupid bitch. And almost immediately I realized I was looking for that other kind of thriller in the writing, which is actually really shit of me. Obviously, I need to switch up my current genre choices because it’s clouding how open I am when I start a new book.

I mean, not to get too fucking deep about it, but yeah…

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Continue reading “Review: Death in the Family (Shana Merchant, #1) by Tessa Wegert”

Mystery/Thriller Releases for Q3 2021

It’s 7:46 EST on July 31st. Which means… it’s still July so this still counts! Judges?!

As always, yours truly is a little bit behind on capturing the new releases, but what can I do? Oh, just create these posts in a timely manner? No, thank you. What do I look like to you, a blogger? Not even close.

We’re halfway through the year now – are you hanging in there? Seeing the light at the end of the vaccinated tunnel? Don’t even mention the Delta variant to me. I can’t take it right now *exhausted laughter*

I got my second shot on Friday. I spent last weekend away at an AirBnB and actually got to eat inside a restaurant for the first time in a year. And, if you’ll remember from my last new release post, I was going to get a hammock and read in it all summer.

Well, I did get myself a hammock. I love it. I haven’t been reading in it much because it’s been either been hotter than fucking hell outside or raining. You win some, you lose some. But there is nothing I hate more than sitting outside in the heat and feeling my thighs stick together while sweat pools in my bra.

Fuck that.

Maybe if I had a pool… OMG should I get a pool?!

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For now, I’m reading inside with the A/C blasting so that it feels like winter. Well, “reading” often ends up being more like mindlessly scrolling on my phone while some random shit is on TV in the background. It’s the thought that counts.

I would like to read hard and get truly caught up on my NetGalley arcs, but also being stoned in bed without having to use my brain for anything at all can be where it’s at, too. Don’t judge. The judges have gone home!

My love of books doesn’t cease, but my love of buying books and not reading them has grown exponentially during this pandemic. So let’s take a look at what else is releasing in the next three months so we can plan our budgets, grow our TBRs and get some shit on hold at the library!

This is not a comprehensive list of new releases because I do not have the time for that. I barely have the time to write this at all, obviously. But this will get us to September before spooky season. And to note, as always, the I’m Buzzed Score is mostly arbitrary so don’t ask me questions about it because I don’t have any answers.

Get in losers! We’re going book shopping… inside a book store!

Continue reading “Mystery/Thriller Releases for Q3 2021”

True Crime Tuesday: The Unsolved Murder of Maggie Long

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

We are living in a really fucked up, upside down, alternate timeline kind of space, don’t you think? I’m not being facetious. I really feel like something got twisted around in the simulation. Some people think it happened in 2012 – that our world didn’t end, just our previous reality. Or did some cosmic happening send us into another multiverse timeline? Maybe thinking of our world in these terms isn’t fair – we should just accept what we’ve done, what we’ve created, what we’ve allowed and that’s the only way to progress.

But you have to admit, shit is fucking weird. And it has been, at least from my perspective, since 2015.

Today’s humans haven’t quite reached the level of evil that was peak during World War II, but you can see it going that way given the right triggers.

Take, for instance, hate crimes.

Hate crimes have been increasing steadily since the Orange Dumpster Fire was elected in the good ol’ U.S. of A. The earth cracked open between factions the world over, and from that schism in the earth rose some bad fucking shit that we’d clearly been trying to bury and forget. But it’s made it’s way to the surface with a vengeance, kids!

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In 2020, hate crimes rose to the highest level they’ve been at in more than a decade. Hate-motivated murders have also doubled over each previous year.

The FBI’s annual Hate Crime Statistics Act (HCSA) report shows 7,314 hate crimes last year, up from 7,120 the year before – this is the highest number since 2008 when 7,783 were recorded.

And to get relevantly specific, Asian-American hate crimes in major U.S. cities rose 150% in 2020 over the previous year.

Today’s case deals with this, so trigger warning if you need it.

In 2017, 17-year-old Maggie Long was burned to death inside her home. In May of this year, the FBI took over the investigation and reclassified it as a possible hate crime.

This is her case…

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Unsolved Murder of Maggie Long”

DNF Mini-Review Dump💩: That Birds that Stay and The Year of the Witching

Just like my mini-reviews for books that I can’t find the will to write full reviews for, I’m going to lump together my DNF reviews, as well. Because, seriously, why would I devote a whole blog post to a book a couldn’t even devote full reading time to?

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Today’s DNF reviews:

  • The Birds that Stay (Russell and Leduc, #1) by Ann Lambert
  • The Year of the Witching (Bethel, #1) by Alexis Henderson

Buckle up for snark, bitches.

Continue reading “DNF Mini-Review Dump💩: That Birds that Stay and The Year of the Witching”