True Crime Tuesday: The Twilight Killers

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer,” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

Happy February, Murderinos!

It’s the month of love – for your friends, family, pets, yourself and maybe even your 14-year-old boyfriend who you’re planning on killing your family for.

You know, a tale as old as time.

beauty and the beast ballroom GIF by Disney

I mean, seriously, kids kill their parents a lot. This isn’t an essay on why I’m not having kids, but it might as well be.

But first, just a word of wisdom to all the youngins out there thinking you might want to kill your parents because they don’t like your shitty new boyfriend: don’t. Really simple. Just don’t.

Number one, you are not smart enough to get away with it. Most adults with real resources are not smart enough to get away with murder. If you run away, the cops will think you’ve been abducted, but they’ll figure out real quick that you’re actually guilty AF. And if you don’t run, you’re the number one suspect right out of the gate and you don’t lie as well as you think you do.

Number two, you’re probably going to break up with that person, let’s be real. I know you think you’ll be together forever and no one will ever understand you the way they do, but the “you” that they understand is about to change 100 more times before you turn 30. The you that exists today is not intellectually going to exist even six months from now. It’s calling growing and you are not done. And most people grow apart. That’s a fact.

So, if you kill your parents, instead of being in college or whatever, dating, making new friends and getting drunk on spring break in Cancun, you’re going to be in prison, using charcoal as eyeshadow and trading cigarettes for ramen. You’ll be 62, cooking your ramen on a toilet while your cellmate asks you to hurry up so they can shit in front of you, and you’ll be thinking to yourself, why the fuck did I kill my parents?

Think Schitts Creek GIF by CBC

On that lovely note, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! So, let’s get into this month’s true crime case featuring a killer couple who did it for “love” – Lucas Markham and Kim Edwards, also known as the “Twilight” killers.

And yes, they are called that for exactly the reason you think, Bella. Ugh, fucking kids…

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True Crime Tuesday: The Nine Million Dollar Murder

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

robin williams hello GIF

It’s been a while!

Sorry for the break! But not really. I hope you stumbled across many other funny and wonderful book bloggers and true crime writers to fill the Krystin-shaped hole in your heart. I know there are so many writers to read and it means a lot to me that you still stick around my blog even when I disappear every now and again.

I’ve been super fucking busy at home trying to finish my bedroom renovation. I know, I know. I’ve been promising forever to post my basement reno and I’ve already moved on to my bedroom. What can I say? I don’t possess a lot of virtues, and patience definitely isn’t one of the few.

I finished painting on Sunday and I’m so happy to say there are no more rooms in my house that require a full wall of paint… three years later. I fucked up my shoulder once again and my back is twisted, but all the heavy, big projects are officially done and now I can just focus on the smaller details like hanging a mirror or putting up curtains.

I can’t tell you how excited I am to just sit on my fucking ass and do nothing once again. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it looks a lot like me in bed with a book and a snuggly puppy. And of course, writing more posts around here. I fucking swear it!

Truly, my Fitbit has never seen me achieve so many steps before. It thinks someone new is wearing it.

Anyway, I’m feeling a little bit less stressed, my brain fog is clearing and my creative juices are totally pumping… forgive me for saying “creative juices.” That phrase could not be any more disgusting. But I digress… a new true crime story is just breaking within the last couple of days, and it is completely fucked up and sensational and has me rolling my eyes in all kinds of directions because goddamn teenagers are just so fucking stupid and cruel sometimes.

We’re talking terrible teenagers. We’re talking murder. We’re talking child pornography – so trigger warning there. We’re talking fake millionaires. We’re talking being gullible as fuck.

This is the murder of Cynthia Hoffman.

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True Crime Tuesday: Teenage Thelma And Louise

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

It’s that time again! And maybe that time is occurring too much? I’m waffling on that, considering making True Crime Tuesday a bi-weekly post to give myself more room to research and write. But we’ll see. Maybe I’ll just write a story whenever I feel the vibe to do it.

This blog is supposed to be a hobby, not work.

Anyway – last week I wrote about The Snapchat Murders – the story of two young girls who are the victims of a still-free killer. There are links in the story to provide any tips to police that you might have. You just never know who or where my posts are going to reach, right?

This week, let’s turn the two girls concept on its head. This is the story of two young girls who are the killers.

Holly Harvey and Sandra Ketchum.

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Sandra Ketchum (left) and Holly Harvey (right.)
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True Crime Tuesday: Werewolf Lovers

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

Before we get into my first inaugural true crime story for the blog (so exciting!!!), I just want to ask: have you seen Zac Efron as Ted Bundy for the upcoming biopic “Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile“? I am literally shaking with antici…………..pation.

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I will admit, I definitely felt like screaming WHY GOD WHYYYYYYYYYYY when I heard Efron had been cast as the killer who tops my list of favourite of all time – not in a admiring way, obviously – but seeing this shot really calms my skepticism. I’ll reserve full judgement until I see his portrayal, but so far so good.

Now, onto my first true crime write-up for my brand new blog! I’m Canadian and it’s pretty clear to me that hardly anyone pays attention to us on an international level, and that’s fine. We like keeping to ourselves. Y’all know who Trudeau is, but admit it – this is the first time you’ve ever really known our Prime Minister’s name. Or even that we don’t use the term “President.” Admit it!

Anyway, I feel like this gives me an opportunity to explore a true crime case that maybe not a lot of people are familiar with because it’s a Canadian case. I could do something big, flashy and well-known, but that’s not really the vibe I want to start off with.

So, instead, let’s talk about The Werewolf Lovers. That’s the most lame-ass name for these two, but whatever. Here we go…

Trigger warning: violence against children

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