Booknerd Wednesday: Thrillers for a Creepy Christmas (Or whatever you celebrate!)

Oh, shit, I’m so tired, you guys. This is going to be a chill post with lots of book recs, but just let me fucking complain for a hot minute.

I feel completely wiped out and I’m not sure why. I have no motivation when it comes to books lately. I think it’s because I’m so far behind in my reading. The more I look at the pile, the less I want to read, and the less I read the less I want.

The last quarter of the year has been a total wash for me in a lot of ways. I don’t know where the time went, or what I did or how I got to two weeks before Christmas and I’m not even done shopping yet.

I know a lot of people look at me like I’m crazy when I say that, in a “I haven’t even started yet!” kind of way, but I’m usually done shopping, with everything wrapped, by the first weekend of the month. I make it a point to push myself to get ‘er done because I’d much rather be home in the evenings watching movies, reading and enjoying the general holiday vibe, then stressing out with a sore back in a packed mall.

But honestly, I’m so off my game right now. I’m not sure I’ll even hit my reading goal (which I’ve already lowered once.)

go away shut up GIF

In a bit of good news, I recently started fostering rescue dogs! I have my first foster right now. We’ve named him Jovi because he’s got 80’s hair band kind of fur. Check out my Instagram page (@thefuckingtwist) to see pictures of him in my highlights and stories.

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Review: Stiff – The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach

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★★★★

Penguin | 2004

Overall Grossness: You put that monkey head back where it came from, or so help me!

Best Cadaver: They were all beautiful, in their own dissected ways.

Plot Educational-ness: Thinking about your own expiration date has never been more fun!


I think if you’re into the macabre and that side of life, or death as it were, then this book is probably required reading.

And truth be told, I am not a science-brained kind of girl. Or history. Or geography. Or math. Really anything that requires a level of intelligence that is based on facts and an excessive amount of information and concentration.

These are just not my strong suits. And as much as high school teachers would want to make me feel bad about that with those shitty grades I kept getting, I’ve accepted myself now as an adult. I fully embrace that I will never be able to help my stepkid with science or math homework. He could ask me about English and art though. And I do appreciate logic and thoughtfulness.

I do have some intelligence, y’all!

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Review: Pretty Ugly Lies by Pamela Crane

It seems like everyone who settles down is miserable. They’re either broke or stressed or plagued with a sense of duty to someone who doesn’t appreciate them.

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★★★½

Bloodhound Books | 2018

Opening Hook: Kill your family for freedom!

Main Characters: Whiny bitches, but like, I totally get it.

Plot Twisty-ness: Twisty, but almost doesn’t make sense.

This book is going to cut with different women in different ways because the content is so heavily focussed on the various “caregiver” roles that women play. Wife, mother, friend, sister, lover.

It focuses on those roles with a decidedly negative lens. Like, suuuuuuuper negative. Like, if you were thinking about getting married, this will give you pause. If you were are on the fence about having kids, this will confirm your worst fears.

The story is told by four women – Jo, Shayla, Ellie and June – who all live on Oleander Way. Some know each other, some don’t, but they are connected by their neighbourhood.

We open on a murder. A husband and two children have been gutted in their home in the middle of the day. But who’s husband and children? And why did it happen? As the story unfolds, this mystery seemingly becomes less important than all the other crazy shit that happens to these four women.

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Review: The Drowned Girls (Angie Pallorino, #1) by Loreth Anne White

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★★★★½

Montlake Romance | 2017

Opening Hook: Protect your lady-bits

Main Character: Sex-addict realness

Plot Twisty-ness: Procedural B+


I’m telling you right now, this book is the motherfucking shit.

Not even an exaggeration, honey.

And it’s the shit for one reason. Yes, it’s got murder. Yes, it’s got sex. Yes, it’s got a psycho serial killer. Yes, it’s hitting that fine line in the level of detail. Yes, it reads like real life honesty. Yes, it’s got gore. Yes, it takes place in C to the A to the N to the A to the D to the A…

Hold on, did I spell that right? *goes back to check* Yep.

CANADA!

But listen to me readers and lovers, without Detective Angie Pallorino as a lead character we would be sitting at a three-star rating That’s just the truth.

Was there anything astonishing about the storyline? Not really. It’s interesting, but at the end of the day, it’s a police procedural. Extra points for taking place in Canada and getting my patriotic self a little hyped about that, because I’m always reading books that take place in the UK or the US – and quite honestly I’ve had just about enough of the United States at this CRAZY Trump Juncture – but, I’m pretty sure serial killers obsessed with religious bullshit has been done to death.

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Opinion: This Is Not A Safe Space

Hey Nerdos! How’s the mildly inflammatory post title hitting you?

Right in the nads, I hope.

But, seriously, how’s life? I’m honestly interested. I need to know. Tell me about yourselves, tell me what’s going on. Because I’m always telling you about my life, like maybe to an overtly personal degree, as if this isn’t a book blog at all.

So, let’s make this uncomfortableness a two-way street.

awkward andy samberg GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This week is crazy busy for me. There’s so much going on at home, from preparing for a 15th birthday party for the stepkid, to cleaning out the other stepkid’s room because he moved out and I want my goddamn office space, to trying to build and stain our Adirondack chairs because it was cheaper to DIY-it than to buy them ready-to-sit and I’m all about DIY where I can if it saves me more money for books.

PS. whoever decided that Willy Wonka Funko dolls are worth $50 can get bent. You’ve ruined a teen’s birthday wish!

Anyway, through it all, I’m super dedicated to getting some books read and putting some half-assed content up on this clearly amateur blog.

Today’s post is going to be a personal book blogging existential crisis experience. That sounds like a blasty-blast, right?

I’m going to be working through a thing, so just bear with me and feel free to let me know your opinions in the comments.

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Review: Missing, Presumed (DS Manon, #1) by Susan Steiner

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★★

The Borough Press | 2016

If you’ve ever thought to yourself “what would Bridget Jones be like as a homicide detective?” …then I think you’ll want to read this book.

I myself have never wandered about Bridget Jones taking on different career paths, (really she does enough of that in her own stories,) but now that I have some idea of what a DS Jones would look like, I’ll tell you, it doesn’t work.

Missing, Presumed in the first book in the DS Manon Bradshow series – a UK police procedural revolving around the disappearance of the twenty-something daughter of a prominent doctor.

Overall I found this to be severely lacking on the police procedural part and overwrought on the personal “character-study” side, like to such annoying degree that I’m physically disappointed by this book. It’s certainly not what it was presented to be on the jacket or in the blurbs.

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Book Tag: Unique Blogger Award

You know what, it’s so nice to be thought of with these things. Sometimes I feel like I’m a little bit on the outskirts of the book blogger community because I’m new and slow and old. So, thanks, G!

If you haven’t stumbled across her blog yet, Greyson @ Use Your Words does lots of fun and interesting posts, including book reviews, discussions on mental health and personal posts about her family that might give you some feels, or help you feel less alone in your struggles. She’s special, and you’ll like her. Because I like her, and I don’t like a lot of people.

So this is the deal:

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And these are my questions from Greyson:


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Book Tag: Emotions in Colours

My girl Greyson, over at Greyson Reads, tagged me to do this original gem created by Cait @ Paper Fury, which was inspired by a couple of G’s other blog posts. It’s colours as emotions as related to books.

It’s like our very own booknerd version of Emotion-evoked Synesthesia. (Google it, it’s pretty cool.)

Of course, I will never experience Synesthesia because, I’ll be honest, I’m pretty dead on the inside. This tag could end up being exceptionally difficult for me, but I’ll usually try anything once – even emotions.

Once.

empty kate mckinnon GIF by Saturday Night Live
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Booknerd Wednesday: The House That Jack Built & Bookish Choices

Here’s a little-known secret about me. And by “little known”, I mean literally no one knows it, not even my husband.

I love Matt Dillon.

I keep it a secret because my love for him is complicated to explain. I actually I find him really gross. There’s something about Matt Dillon that is so incredibly off-putting to me; something smarmy, something that tells me he probably has weird sexual proclivities. I can totally see myself saying, “Um, no Matt Dillon, I will not have sex with you covered in mayo!”

Maybe it’s the roles I’ve seen him in that have coloured my opinion – Wild Things, There’s Something About Mary. But I find him to be very unattractive…so much so that I also want him.

matt dillon 80s GIF

I know, it’s weird. Maybe I’ll talk about it in therapy.

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Review: When The Serpent Bites (The Starks Trilogy, #1) by Nesly Clerge

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Self-Published | 2015

This must be “Krystin reads nothing but misogynistic stories” month, because this is my second in a row, and let me tell you, I’m fucking over it.

I’ll give this review some context real fast. Frederick Starks – a very rich, successful businessman – is married with three kids. His wife, Kayla, is unfaithful to him. They separate. One night, while driving aimlessly, ruminating on the state of his failed marriage, he pulls up to the house of the man Kayla cheated with and beats the shit out of him in front of the man’s wife and children, putting the man into a coma. Police arrive, Starks is caught red-handed, quite literally, and is arrested. He goes to trial and is found guilty.

Because, duh.

But for some reason, Starks just can’t believe the jury convicted him. Basically, his whole position on his guilt is: “my wife cheated, and the guy was mean to me, so I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”

In fact, at his trial, the defence mounted by his attorney is nothing more than a character assassination of Kayla because “she’s a whore,” as if that’s a legit reason to nearly kill a man.

give me a break judging you GIF by Originals
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