Ooo boy, I haven’t done one of these in a while!
This seems like a perfect one for me because, technically, I think I’m still in mourning over the end of the show. There might even be a little bit of trauma I’ve not yet found closure for because of how this fucking ridiculous show ended. Like, excuse me, but HOW DARE YOU Game of Thrones?
Count me among the disappointed fans.
Not because I would have hated any ending or some Freudian shit like that, but because the last three seasons were rushed AF and not nearly as dedicated to telling a full story as the first 5(ish) seasons were.
There are so many story threads that needed closure! So many other ways that character plots could have been wrapped up? You kill Cersei by dropping a few bricks on the bitch?! What is this, Wizard of OZ?
AND UMMM HELLO AZOR AHAI?????? WHERE ARE YOU?
Anyway, I can’t get into all of this without my blood pressure going up, so let’s just do the damn tag.
Thanks to the lovely Grey over at Use Your Words for tagging me!
Continue reading “Book Tag: Game of Thrones Edition”
It’s been a while!
Sorry for the break! But not really. I hope you stumbled across many other funny and wonderful book bloggers and true crime writers to fill the Krystin-shaped hole in your heart. I know there are so many writers to read, and it means a lot to me that you still stick around my blog even when I disappear every now and again.
I’ve been super fucking busy at home trying to finish my bedroom renovation. I know, I know. I’ve been promising forever to post my basement reno and I’ve already moved on to my bedroom. What can I say? I don’t possess a lot of virtues, and patience definitely isn’t one of the few.
I finished painting on Sunday and I’m so happy to say there are no more rooms in my house that require a full wall of paint… three years later. I fucked up my shoulder once again and my back is twisted, but all the heavy, big projects are officially done and now I can just focus on the smaller details like hanging a mirror or putting up curtains.
I can’t tell you how excited I am to just sit on my fucking ass and do nothing once again. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it looks a lot like me in bed with a book and a snuggly puppy. And of course, writing more posts around here. I fucking swear it!
Truly, my Fitbit has never seen me achieve so many steps before. It thinks someone new is wearing it.
Anyway, I’m feeling a little bit less stressed, my brain fog is clearing and my creative juices are totally pumping… forgive me for saying “creative juices.” That phrase could not be any more disgusting. But I digress… a new true crime story is just breaking within the last couple of days, and it is completely fucked up and sensational and has me rolling my eyes in all kinds of directions because goddamn teenagers are just so fucking stupid, cruel sometimes.
We’re talking terrible teenagers. We’re talking murder. We’re talking child pornography. We’re talking fake millionaires. We’re talking being gullible as fuck.
This is the murder of Cynthia Hoffman.
Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Nine Million Dollar Murder”
“When mom called to tell me the news, I was surprised at first that Raymond Quinlan was capable of something so human as dying.”
Simon & Schuster | 2019
Opening Hook: Daddy had secrets.
Main Character: A normal guy wearing a good guy suit.
Plot Twisty-ness: Lost in the woods without a sense of direction.
I’m a huge fan of Blake Crouch. And this book by Andrew Pyper is giving me some serious Crouch vibes and I’m not mad about it. This is the first book I’ve read by Pyper but it probably won’t be my last. The Homecoming was pretty much the shit if you’re into dark thrillers with a horror-sci-fi undertone.
The Quinlan family has lost their patriarch, the mysterious and absent Raymond Quinlan. He was a workaholic who left his children – Aaron, Franny and the youngest, Bridge – with some daddy issues. But all his work and bad parenting also left behind a few million in assets, so how bad can an absent father really be in that case?
Belfountain is a huge estate in the PNW that includes cabins, a lodge and an old Christian summer camp on the grounds. It’s worth a cool thirty million in the right market conditions and it technically now belongs to the remaining Quinlans, But, in order for them to get their hands on their cut of their father’s will, they have to agree to spend 30 days on the estate, with no contact to the outside world.
Continue reading “Review: The Homecoming by Andrew Pyper”
Opening Hook: Church will kill you.
Main Character: Drunky McHypocrite
Plot Twisty-ness: You never know what Priests are up to.
My endless struggle to catch up on NetGalley arcs continues with this book I received in January of 2017.
Seriously I’m just the fucking worst. Please don’t leave me!
The Missing Ones wasn’t the worst. But it wasn’t great either…
First of all, it’s way too long considering the substance of the story which is pretty typical and occasionally flat, albeit mixed with moments that were kind of disturbing. Consider this your warning for baby murder.
Detective Lottie Parker is heading up a team looking for a killer who has killed a woman in a church and tried to make another man’s death look like a suicide. The deaths are all connected in some way to a former Catholic children’s home, St. Angela’s, that is disturbing as fuck as one would expect a religious children’s home to be. There’s a land developer involved, some business partners and a few shady priests.
I mean, in a nutshell, you could say the theme of this book is: Catholics really know how to fuck people up.
Continue reading “Review: The Missing Ones (Detective Lottie Parker, #1) by Patricia Gibney”
Attention booknerds! If you’re not following me over on my #bookstagram account – @thefuckingtwist – then, first of all, how dare you?
Second of all, I don’t mean that. You do you do, booboo. I get that you don’t need me in your life on every social media platform. I mean, not even my husband does.
But, if you’re not following me on Insta, I don’t want you to miss out on the new giveaway I’ve set up to celebrate spring and my complete indifference to follower-count milestones!
If it makes you feel any better about following me, I don’t post all the fucking time like some of these other more organized and better managed accounts. So follow me for unpredictable posting, cursing and my signature mix of feminine meets goddamn murder and mayhem.
Okay, onto the giveaway!
Continue reading “A “Here’s The Fucking Twist” Giveaway!”
Flatiron Books | 2019
Opening Hook: Pool cues and brass knuckles
Main Character: Guilt-plaguing with tight jeans and a purpose
Plot Twisty-ness: A little off the Silicon Valley rails, and I don’t mean cocaine.
I was committed and ready, and completely open, to falling head over heels in love with Nikki Griffin, bookseller and badass P.I. with some serious anger issues.
But, unfortunately, this didn’t totally live up to everything I wanted it to be. Call it a victim of my high expectations if you want, but I found this to be a just okay, middle-of-the-road thriller.
The star highlight for me is the main character of Nikki Griffin. I think she was complicated but real. She came with a dark backstory and a closed-off, tough-as-nails personality that didn’t slip away the moment she met a guy. For being a novel written by a man, I was pleased to find she didn’t talk about how her nipples felt or looked at any moment, since that seems to be a thing male writers are typically preoccupied with when writing female leads. Any comments that she makes about her body seemed to me to be in relation to men looking at her and their sexual thoughts, and were less about sexually describing herself.
The way Nikki is introduced is pretty canon the whole way through the novel. She likes privacy, but she’s not dead inside. She keeps things close to the chest, but isn’t afraid to be vulnerable with the people she trusts. She’s strong, smart and professionally violent. All things I probably am, but just way less cool about it. Like, I daydream about breaking a man’s arm for hitting a woman, but really I just eat cookies about it.
Continue reading “Save Me From Dangerous Men (Nikki Griffin, #1) by S.A. Lelchuk”
Penguin | 2004
Overall Grossness: You put that monkey head back where it came from, or so help me!
Best Cadaver: They were all beautiful, in their own dissected ways.
Plot Educational-ness: Thinking about your own expiration date has never been more fun!
I think if you’re into the macabre and that side of life, or death as it were, then this book is probably required reading.
And truth be told, I am not a science-brained kind of girl. Or history. Or geography. Or math. Really anything that requires a level of intelligence that is based on facts and an excessive amount of information and concentration.
These are just not my strong suits. And as much as high school teachers would want to make me feel bad about that with those shitty grades I kept getting, I’ve accepted myself now as an adult. I fully embrace that I will never be able to help my stepkid with science or math homework. He could ask me about English and art though. And I do appreciate logic and thoughtfulness.
I do have some intelligence, y’all!
Continue reading “Review: Stiff – The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach”
“The difference between a hero and a victim? Timing.”
William Morrow | January 2019
Opening Hook: Did we learn nothing about isolated rest stops from Halloween?!
Main Character: Lady McGuyver
Plot Twisty-ness: Hold-onto-your-bits thrills with a side of snow.
This is my first 5-star read of the year. And thank Thor, because I was starting to get a little cranky since nothing has really been knocking my tits off. Whose fault is that really? Mine? Because of my choices? Get out of here! I don’t want to hear it!
Reading No Exit was an exercise in cinematic writing. It would be easy to say it was written with a movie option in mind (and maybe it was,) but my gut tells me that what actually happened here is that the plotting and timing of the story are so good, that it comes across in vibrant cinematic scenes in the reader’s mind. And therefore, seems like it should be a movie. And it definitely should.
I would honestly give this five stars just based on the writing skill alone, it was that seamless and riveting. And my friends here know I don’t give out my stars easily. You have to earn this shit from me. You want easy stars? Go to the reviewers who aren’t dead inside with a stick up their ass.
It’s all ass sticks here, baby!
I do it because I love you and I want you to have an honest opinion that isn’t worried about feelings and blah blah blah.
Continue reading “Review: No Exit by Taylor Adams”
Happy Boxing Day, Nerds! And for everyone in the U.S., hey suckers! Sorry, you all had to go back to work today while we get a second stat holiday!
But truly, I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season, no matter what you celebrate.
I’m probably still in my PJs, hopefully playing a new game I got as a gift from my husband after dropping heavy hints since my birthday about what I wanted next. *cough Hellblade cough*
My in-laws are probably about to hit the road to get home to NY, taking my stepkid with them so he can reluctantly spend some time with his mom who makes him feel, quote “trapped.” Aw yes, the pitfalls of having a shitty parent who you still have forced visitation with. The true meaning of Christmas… wait…
On a happier note, come Friday I will have officially started my three weeks of vacation that I’ve been saving all year. And Omigod, I need this break so bad. I’m going to be reading and reading and playing games and reading and rotating a nearly endless supply of jogging pants for the next 19 days.
You can expect a lot of scheduled posts that I wrote the week before Christmas. But I’ll come in fresh for any reviews I have. To be honest, using the schedule feature is probably what I should be doing since starting this blog. Maybe then you’d have more of my salty AF reviews and ranty writings to read.
With that in mind, this post is dedicated to all my bookish resolutions for 2019.
The New Year is literally just around the corner and with that comes a lot of “new year, new me” bullshit posts about health and diet and being a better person. But not this one. Nope, not me. It’s going to be “new year, same me” for real. I just want to make a few tweaks to the bookish side of my life, but I promise to stay the same girl you grew to know in 2018.
Continue reading “Booknerd Wednesday: My Bookish New Years Resolutions”
It seems like everyone who settles down is miserable. They’re either broke or stressed or plagued with a sense of duty to someone who doesn’t appreciate them.
Bloodhound Books | 2018
Opening Hook: Kill your family for freedom!
Main Characters: Whiny bitches, but like, I totally get it.
Plot Twisty-ness: Twisty, but almost doesn’t make sense.
This book is going to cut with different women in different ways because the content is so heavily focussed on the various “caregiver” roles that women play. Wife, mother, friend, sister, lover.
It focuses on those roles with a decidedly negative lens. Like, suuuuuuuper negative. Like, if you were thinking about getting married, this will give you pause. If you were are on the fence about having kids, this will confirm your worst fears.
The story is told by four women – Jo, Shayla, Ellie and June – who all live on Oleander Way. Some know each other, some don’t, but they are connected by their neighbourhood.
We open on a murder. A husband and two children have been gutted in their home in the middle of the day. But who’s husband and children? And why did it happen? As the story unfolds, this mystery seemingly becomes less important than all the other crazy shit that happens to these four women.
Continue reading “Review: Pretty Ugly Lies by Pamela Crane”