It seems like everyone who settles down is miserable. They’re either broke or stressed or plagued with a sense of duty to someone who doesn’t appreciate them.
Bloodhound Books | 2018
Opening Hook: Kill your family for freedom!
Main Characters: Whiny bitches, but like, I totally get it.
Plot Twisty-ness: Twisty, but almost doesn’t make sense.
This book is going to cut with different women in different ways because the content is so heavily focussed on the various “caregiver” roles that women play. Wife, mother, friend, sister, lover.
It focuses on those roles with a decidedly negative lens. Like, suuuuuuuper negative. Like, if you were thinking about getting married, this will give you pause. If you were are on the fence about having kids, this will confirm your worst fears.
The story is told by four women – Jo, Shayla, Ellie and June – who all live on Oleander Way. Some know each other, some don’t, but they are connected by their neighbourhood.
We open on a murder. A husband and two children have been gutted in their home in the middle of the day. But who’s husband and children? And why did it happen? As the story unfolds, this mystery seemingly becomes less important than all the other crazy shit that happens to these four women.
Continue reading “Review: Pretty Ugly Lies by Pamela Crane”
“Today, we are going to be playing a little game of Murder.”
Hanover Square Press | 2018
Opening Hook: Basically a classic Kesha song
Main Character: If Maury and Robert Stack had a baby, but that baby was drunk all the time
Plot Twisty-ness: Jigsaw would be proud
I went into this novel with every intention of loving it completely. I swear to Thor. But okay, obviously I didn’t completely get there. Story of my life. No one is shocked.
Guess Who started off as a five-star read until I passed the halfway mark and that’s when things fell off the chart. For the first half of the book, it is very much SAW meets Clue, just minus the horror element. But it does create a sinister, frantic pace and tone that definitely had me hooked. It’s a locked-room mystery that feels both extravagant and desperate at first, at that definitely worked for me in a totally non-sexual sexual way.
Morgan Sheppard is a TV star who has made a living doing a Maury meets Unsolved Mysteries-style show called Resident Detective. As a child, he solved the murder of his math teacher and created a very successful career riding (read: exploiting) that wave. Through his fame, he’s turned into an alcoholic, drug addict and womanizer. The only problem is, Sheppard has been full of shit for a very long time. And someone knows it. And someone hates him.
This villain, known as The Evil Man who wears a goofy fucking horse mask, and locks Sheppard and five other people in a hotel room with a dead body in the bathtub. Sheppard has 3 hours to find the killer – one of the people in the room – and prove what kind of detective he really is, or the hotel blows up.
Continue reading “Review: Guess Who by Chris McGeorge”
“A smart girl is nobody’s pushover and nobody’s foe. A smart girl is both sword and smile.”
Doubleday | 2018
Opening Hook: I woke up like this (next to a dead body)
Main Character: Barely sober, mostly stupid
Plot Twisty-ness: Only twisty because she’s drunk and dizzy
Oh, boy this is super disappointing.
The Flight Attendant had been on my radar for a while. Maybe I should have paid more attention to the other reviews on the matter, but my ability to make a snap decision based on a good synopsis has been my downfall once again.
All I saw was “she wakes up next to a dead body,” and I was 100% on board with this. (That was a genuinely subtle plane pun.)
But Omigod, it was not at all what I was hoping it would be. The kick-off has so much promise to be suspenseful and thrilling, but it didn’t end up working for me.
Continue reading “Review: The Flight Attendant by Chris Bohjalian”
Happy Hump Day, Nerdos!
I’m like 80% sure I’m coming down with a cold, so my brain is basically sleepy mush today and I had no idea what kind of post I’d be able to write that wasn’t completely half-assed.
And honestly, I don’t want to put out half-assed stuff. I’d rather post less often with high quality (for me) stuff then post daily with shit I’m just tossing out there, hoping it sticks.
Thankfully, Dora @ Swift Coffee has given me the perfect out for today by nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award!
I have no idea what that means, but I’m grateful!
Honestly, while we’re on it, I never have any idea what most of these blogger award tags are for. Best Actor? Best Director? Worst Blowjob Scene?
What we need is some description of what these awards are far, what was the qualifying criteria? Am I to assume I’m versatile in some way? Because I can assure you, I am not. I’m a fickle, stubborn, cranky bitch who is very difficult to please and if you change plans on me last minute I’m gonna throw a fit.
But here we are… Versatile Awards for me!
Continue reading “Book Tag: The Versatile Blogger Award”
It’s almost here! Can you feel it? Halloween night creeping ever closer?
Do you have your costumes ready? Your pumpkins carved? Have you eaten all of the candy you were supposed to be saving for young, innocent children dressed as tigers and bumblebees that make your ovaries go, “You’re 32!! You better decide if this is cute enough to make you want this sooner rather than later!!“
Huh? Yeah, me neither.
To help us prepare for the big night – because the countdown is officially on! – I’m back with another Halloween inspired TCT to really help scare the shit out of you on October 31st.
You’re going to be sitting around, waiting for the knock on the door, watching a scary movie, and suddenly there it will be – a memory of that time I told you about people being fucking murdered in their homes after handing out candy. And you’ll think, THAT BITCH.
Or you’ll be out at a party, dressed up in your sexy slice of pizza costume or your sexy Big Bird costume or your sexy hot dog costume or your sexy Pikachu costume or your sexy Eleven from Strange Things costume (she’s just a child, what is wrong with you?) and suddenly there it will be – a memory of that time I told you about people being fucking murdered walking home drunk in their sexy Halloween costumes. And you’ll think, THAT CUNT.
If you remember, I posted about my hometown murder from a few months ago, something that had my entire neighbourhood in a tizzy. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check it out here.
Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Halloween Killer (& My Hometown Murder Update)”
Titan Books | 2017
Opening Hook: Killer and Killee (?) running through the woods, Jason style.
Main Character: Drinks a shit load of tea
Plot Twisty-ness: Like a half-assed pretzel.
I’m wavering between 2 and 3 stars for this one because on one hand, it’s not a bad book. The writing is good, the characters don’t suck, the setting is kind of spooky and the crimes were unique, not something I’d ever read about before.
But then on the other hand, if I think about it, this book was super formulaic, there was nothing different about the plotting, the villain’s reveal. And although the crimes were in-depth and thought out with great detail, the ending was also pretty predictable (read: typical.)
Nothing about this book was outside the box, which is disappointing because it had every opportunity to be considering it was working with a partly supernatural storyline.
Continue reading “Review: Wychwood (Wychwood, #1) by George Mann”
“Never talk to strangers. If someone ever tries to take you, fight with everything you have. Scream as loud as you can. (He’d never told her what to do if the man was too strong and there was no one to hear her screaming.)”
Touchstone | 2016
Opening Hook: Tediously attention-grabbing
Main Character: I see dead people-ing it
Plot Twisty-ness: How twisty can it be when everyone is a goddamn psychic?
I don’t know why I keep trying books with psychic characters, because I never like them.
Also, apparently this could technically be considered part of series called The Hollows, but I have zero experience with Lisa Unger or that series, so perhaps that’s why I’m not as jazzed about this book as other people have been.
This does read like a standalone for all intents and purposes, though.
Basically what you have here is a twenty-something who is a developing psychic, so she goes to live with her grandmother, who is an experienced psychic, to get her psychic abilities up to snuff. While she’s doing her psychic-training she starts to hear a persistent noise – squeak, clink – and her psychic grandmother is all, “that’s your psychic gift telling you to start doing psychic shit,” so she gets onto the case of a missing child, who has some psychic connections in her own life.
Basically, everyone is a goddamn psychic.
And I’m not sure how a town full of psychics hasn’t been able to find the answer to “where’d that kid go?” but they haven’t and everyone is distressed; marriages are falling apart and life is just generally terrible.
Continue reading “Review: Ink and Bone by Lisa Unger”
Happy Hump Day, ghouls and ghosts!
Halloween is getting closer with each passing day and I’m so excited about it that I’ve literally been living off of pumpkin pie and bite-sized candy for the last week.
…I don’t feel good.
So, while I try to maintain a normal blood-sugar level, it’s time for another #Blogoween post!
What is Blogoween, you ask? Well, I’ll damn-well tell you. It’s a month-long celebration of Halloween on your blog with daily prompts and different levels of post commitment. Find out how to sign up for the Blogoween event here. And a list of all the prompts is here.
Today’s prompt was local haunted hot spots. Turns out that my area isn’t exactly hopping with good ghost stories, from what I can google/gather, so I decided to take the prompt and turn into something a little bit more suited for Booknerd Wednesday.
Today we’re going to check out some of the most haunted libraries around the world!
Whether you believe in ghosts or not is completely irrelevant. We’re not here to discuss the merits of life after death. Although I will say, once people start reporting ghosts whispering “it’s Britney, bitch,” and “what’s the wifi password?” I might give a little bit more credence to the idea.
Right now, it seems like every ghost is wearing civil war uniforms and women are in bonnets, bemoaning a lost husband. Where are all the modern ghosts in trucker hats and flared jeans haunting a Starbucks? Where are my feminist ghosts at?
Continue reading “Booknerd Wednesday: Haunted Libraries (#Blogoween)”
“The words I’ve heard in the past few days are ones I never expected – new, untried, untested. Casket. Body. Funeral. Viewing. Embalming. Autopsy. Severed. Seven-inch non-corrosive steel blade. Homicide.”
MIRA | 2018
Opening Hook: Broken bones, broken dreams
Main Character: Shouldn’t keep blood secrets when your sister works with DNA
Plot Twisty-ness: Are coincidences considered twists?
Okay, okay, OKAY. Y’all know I love me some J.T. Ellison.
It all started with her Taylor Jackson series a damn decade ago (ugh, that makes me feel old) and I’ve been a loyal reader ever since. I love tough women writing tough women, it’s a thing.
Ellison’s move from series writer to standalones started with Lie to Me, which most people loved, except for yours truly.
What can I say? I’m a picky fucking reader.
I had a few issues with the pacing of Lie to Me (the second half sucked the life out of it) and with the ending (“it was all for nothing, just a giant misunderstanding” doesn’t really work for me. that’s not a twist,) but I’m happy to say that I liked Tear Me Apart a lot. I didn’t love it. It’s not the best thing I’ve read this year, but it’s a good read. It’s not a waste of your time, at all.
And we all know how much I hate wasting my reading time.
Continue reading “Review: Tear Me Apart by J.T. Ellison”