Review: Dark Game (DI Kelly Porter, #1) by Rachel Lynch

37067922★★★

Welcome to another edition of Krystin Struggles To Write A Review For A Book That Was Just Okay!

These are my least favourite reviews to write. I think I’m a person who creatively operates best under strong swings on the emotional spectrum. Writing a review for a book that didn’t get me fired up either way is kind of like being asked “how was your weekend?” by an expectant colleague and struggling to come up with an answer because all you did was lay around in your PJs mindlessly watching repeats of Live PD.

That Dan Abrams sure does like him some tightly fit sweaters. And I am not complaining.

I don’t know, guys… Do you want to talk about this book or do you want to talk about Dan Abrams’ wardrobe? I’m leaning more towards wardrobe. Blue is really his colour.

Alright, alright! I’ll stop.

yas checking out GIF by Vanessa Marie Carter

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Review: When The Serpent Bites (The Starks Trilogy, #1) by Nesly Clerge

This must be “Krystin reads nothing but misogynistic stories” month, because this is my second in a row, and let me tell you, I’m fucking over it.

I’ll give this review some context real fast. Frederick Starks – a very rich, successful businessman – is married with three kids. His wife, Kayla, is unfaithful to him. They separate. One night, while driving aimlessly, ruminating on the state of his failed marriage, he pulls up to the house of the man Kayla cheated with and beats the shit out of him in front of the man’s wife and children, putting the man into a coma. Police arrive, Starks is caught red-handed, quite literally, and is arrested. He goes to trial and is found guilty.

Because, duh.

But for some reason Starks just can’t believe the jury convicted him. Basically his whole position on his guilt is: “my wife cheated, and the guy was mean to me, so I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”

In fact, at his trial, the defence mounted by his attorney is nothing more than a character assassination of Kayla because “she’s a whore“, as if that’s a legit reason to nearly kill a man.

give me a break judging you GIF by Originals

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#Throwback Thursday: 05.10.18

Omigod, get your scrunchies and acid wash jeans, it’s #tbt time!

blast from the past throwback thursday GIF by Denyse®

Okay, so acid wash and scrunchies are decidedly a very 90s reference, but I’m a 90s kid. I still think the 70s were like 20 years ago, not 40+. So, give me a break.

Anyway, here’s how bookworm #tbt works: Pick a book you read in the past, tell us why you love it. Then pick a book that’s been on your TBR for a while and give the reasons why you still want to read it after all this time.

This is typically a super easy post for me because my TBR pile is out of control! There’s not a chance in hell I’ll ever read everything I want to. I know you can relate.

So first up….

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Review: The Last Mrs. Parrish by Liv Constantine

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“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.” 

This quote from the 1967 film, COOL HAND LUKE, basically sums up how I’m feeling after reading this book. And I’ve never even seen the movie. The quote just came to me, as a thing I know somehow, deep from within the pop culture recesses of my mind. There’s a lot of useless information in there.

I might also go with: “…in the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!” Stepbrothers, 2008.

What I mean to say is: I wish the publishers hadn’t stuffed this novel into the psychological-thriller genre just because that’s where all the cool kids are, and had instead been honest about what this book is: a dark romance meets women’s fiction meets soap opera intrigue with a terrible, TERRIBLE message.

It’s not a thriller. I’m sorry, but no. I am not thrilled.

Had I known this from the start, I would have passed on reading it, because this level of dramatic soap-opera nutty-ness is just not my thing. It lacks humour and humanity, and is overpopulated with terrible one-liners, cliches and silly dialogue and tropes that feel like a reenactment. And the writing is derivative and basic.

Not to mention, the internal misogyny that permeates the entire theme gets my feminist hackles up.

Anyway….I didn’t know I shouldn’t read this, so I did, and now I have library late fees and a shitty review to write, so buckle in, bitches.

(This could get mildly spoiler-y because I’m going to rant, so if you’re super excited to read this, here’s my takeaway: Don’t waste your time with this, unless you’re cool with domestic abuse. Otherwise, read on!)

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The NetGalley Monthly: May 2018

Honestly, NetGalley might be my undoing, mentally. I can see a breakdown on the horizon. Maybe I start writing on the walls about how many unread ARCs I have, while I talk to an invisible librarian, and my husband has to feed me ice chips.

I try to stop myself from going on there and requesting new titles, but it’s so hard. I need a 12 step program.

We’ll call this post Step 1.

If you want to play along, feel free. Basically, what I intend to do is round up all the new ARCs I’ve received at the beginning of every month, for a new month of reading. Easy!

Because I’ve been such a good girl about requesting books (up until a couple of days ago), this first post might be a little short, but books are books!

studying high school GIF

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Booknerd Wednesday: WWW Edition

I know everyone else is saying this too but, I can’t believe it’s May already!

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April flew passed me, and I didn’t even get all that much reading done, which totally sucks, but I’ve been up to my eyeballs in house stuff. I swear time is like a downhill snowball the older you get, and I’m not even old!

My husband and I are still trying to get this foyer mudroom finished. And I’m such an inpatient asshole that I also started painting my upstairs hallway. I’m not good at one step at a time, clearly. Also, also, I’ve spent a lot of money on paitings and lights and carpets and please someone STOP ME BEFORE I DESTROY MY BUDGET!

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Fave Five Friday: Favourite Book Series

I’m an unabashed book series lover. If a book is the first in a series, as opposed to a standalone, I’m 80% more likely to read it (I just pulled that percentage out of my ass, but it’s probably accurate.)

With that in mind, I have no idea how I’m going to whittle down my favourite series to just my top five, but at the very least an attempt will be made and I’m proud of myself for that.

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This post is hosted by Sheri @ TV Addicted Bookworm. She seems nice, check her out.

Without further ado, and in no particular order…actually in a very specific order…here are my choices. Trust me when I say, this was agonizing in the most bookish way.

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Review: The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn

34848682★★★★★

I went into this reading experience with full blown anxiety triggered by a library return date breathing down my neck.

I assumed there was not enough time for me to get through this because my weekend included my in-laws staying over and a front hall closet renovation. I decided to try anyway, because I ain’t no quitter. I opened this Saturday night, so completely aware that I had a Monday morning deadline that I got a little high first to set my nerves.

And guess what bitches!? I blew through this baby so hard I gave myself TMJ.

(My TMJ is a true story, but it’s not the book I blew through that gave it to me.)

Look, the truth is that this is not a groundbreaking novel, or even particularly original in it’s overall concept. I see a lot of middle-of-the-road reviews from my friends who just didn’t get into it, who thought it was overhyped and underwhelming and I understand. I think those reviews had a “Lowered Expectations” effect on me, because I FUCKING LOVED THIS BOOK.

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Review: The Vanishing Season by Joanna Schaffhausen

30654172★★★

This novel reads like the author really likes to watch the Hallmark Channel or Lifetime movies. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, if you’re into that.

Lort knows, I’ve binged all of the Aurora Teagarden movies like a fucking champ.

The Vanishing Season ticks off a lot of boxes on the “Cozy Lifetime Mystery Checklist.”

That’s a thing. Let’s go through it…

In a small town (✔️), Abigail Hathaway, who now goes by Ellery and escaped a serial killer as a teenager, (✔️) is now a cop herself (✔️). But no one knows about her dark past (✔️) and she intends to keep it that way. Ellery, with knowledge no one else has (✔️) connects three seemingly unrelated missing persons’ cases that she’s never worked on (✔️) and decides there must be a copycat killer in her tiny town (✔️), but no one believes her (✔️) and won’t, unless she outs her true identity (✔️). What this killer really wants is her (✔️)! The killer starts to leave her notes and packages to let her know he knows who she is, and is watching her (✔️).

Ellery calls for backup in the form of a disgraced FBI agent (✔️), who also happens to be the same agent that saved her from certain death all those years ago (✔️).

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Review: Eighth Grave After Dark (Charley Davidson, #8) by Darynda Jones

22922356★★

It physically hurts to say this, like I have bad gas, but I must tell the truth: I did not like this book.

I really do love this series and the characters have a special place in my heart, but WHAT IN THE HOLY-HELL IS GOING ON?

This can be my problem with long running series: at some point the author wants to take things to a new, unexpected level, but because the story has been going on for so long the only place left to take readers is right off the fucking rails.

And this is the book in Charley Davidson’s adventures that dropped off the tracks and decided to go careening off a bridge.

First of all, this book read more like a romance erotica novel than a true Charley Davidson instalment.

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