True Crime Tuesday: The Twilight Killers

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer,” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

Happy February, Murderinos!

It’s the month of love – for your friends, family, pets, yourself and maybe even your 14-year-old boyfriend who you’re planning on killing your family for.

You know, a tale as old as time.

beauty and the beast ballroom GIF by Disney

I mean, seriously, kids kill their parents a lot. This isn’t an essay on why I’m not having kids, but it might as well be.

But first, just a word of wisdom to all the youngins out there thinking you might want to kill your parents because they don’t like your shitty new boyfriend: don’t. Really simple. Just don’t.

Number one, you are not smart enough to get away with it. Most adults with real resources are not smart enough to get away with murder. If you run away, the cops will think you’ve been abducted, but they’ll figure out real quick that you’re actually guilty AF. And if you don’t run, you’re the number one suspect right out of the gate and you don’t lie as well as you think you do.

Number two, you’re probably going to break up with that person, let’s be real. I know you think you’ll be together forever and no one will ever understand you the way they do, but the “you” that they understand is about to change 100 more times before you turn 30. The you that exists today is not intellectually going to exist even six months from now. It’s calling growing and you are not done. And most people grow apart. That’s a fact.

So, if you kill your parents, instead of being in college or whatever, dating, making new friends and getting drunk on spring break in Cancun, you’re going to be in prison, using charcoal as eyeshadow and trading cigarettes for ramen. You’ll be 62, cooking your ramen on a toilet while your cellmate asks you to hurry up so they can shit in front of you, and you’ll be thinking to yourself, why the fuck did I kill my parents?

Think Schitts Creek GIF by CBC

On that lovely note, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! So, let’s get into this month’s true crime case featuring a killer couple who did it for “love” – Lucas Markham and Kim Edwards, also known as the “Twilight” killers.

And yes, they are called that for exactly the reason you think, Bella. Ugh, fucking kids…

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Twilight Killers”

True Crime Tuesday: The Christmas Eve Murder of Za’Zell Preston

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

Happy Holidays, weirdos… and also regular people who are not sure how they ended up on my blog but are reading this anyway! All are welcome. Except for assholes. I have a strict no-assholes policy around here. I have a sign made out of cardboard and Sharpie on my office door and everything. My cat, as she is wont to do, keeps ignoring it. Maybe I need to edit it. No Assholes ALLOWED… also no one who poops on my carpets ALLOWED!

But also she can’t read. So…

Cat Smoking GIF by sheepfilms

This will be my one and only true crime post for December, but considering I haven’t written one since July, it’s kind of like a Christmas miracle, if Christmas miracles look like me just doing a thing I said I would do.

With that in mind, I want to say Hey Girl, hey! to Brandie, who messaged me recently about these true crime posts, because I have honestly been wondering for a while if I should keep writing these or just ditch that part of my blog altogether. Sometimes messages from readers come at such serendipitous times.

Now, here I am with a new post! Appreciate you, Brandie!

So, before we get into it, there are a couple things I want to make clear. One, I will be trying my best to not make any distasteful Weekend at Bernie’s references, but if you think it, just know I thought it, too. But we both know we’re not making fun of the victim (because we don’t make jokes at the victim’s expense around here,) but instead are mocking the fucking idiot killer who thought that shit would work.

Secondly, yes, the murdering piece of fucking shit is named William Wallace. Obviously, he is not the historical figure who Mel Gibson’s portrayed in Braveheart.

Because when it comes to this case, a Scottish knight would NEVER.

CW: domestic violence.

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Christmas Eve Murder of Za’Zell Preston”

True Crime Tuesday: The Unsolved Murder of Maggie Long

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

We are living in a really fucked up, upside down, alternate timeline kind of space, don’t you think? I’m not being facetious. I really feel like something got twisted around in the simulation. Some people think it happened in 2012 – that our world didn’t end, just our previous reality. Or did some cosmic happening send us into another multiverse timeline? Maybe thinking of our world in these terms isn’t fair – we should just accept what we’ve done, what we’ve created, what we’ve allowed and that’s the only way to progress.

But you have to admit, shit is fucking weird. And it has been, at least from my perspective, since 2015.

Today’s humans haven’t quite reached the level of evil that was peak during World War II, but you can see it going that way given the right triggers.

Take, for instance, hate crimes.

Hate crimes have been increasing steadily since the Orange Dumpster Fire was elected in the good ol’ U.S. of A. The earth cracked open between factions the world over, and from that schism in the earth rose some bad fucking shit that we’d clearly been trying to bury and forget. But it’s made it’s way to the surface with a vengeance, kids!

i'm back donna lynne champlin GIF by Another Period

In 2020, hate crimes rose to the highest level they’ve been at in more than a decade. Hate-motivated murders have also doubled over each previous year.

The FBI’s annual Hate Crime Statistics Act (HCSA) report shows 7,314 hate crimes last year, up from 7,120 the year before – this is the highest number since 2008 when 7,783 were recorded.

And to get relevantly specific, Asian-American hate crimes in major U.S. cities rose 150% in 2020 over the previous year.

Today’s case deals with this, so trigger warning if you need it.

In 2017, 17-year-old Maggie Long was burned to death inside her home. In May of this year, the FBI took over the investigation and reclassified it as a possible hate crime.

This is her case…

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Unsolved Murder of Maggie Long”

True Crime Tuesday: Saskatoon Child Murders

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer,” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

Well, fuck me… I haven’t posted one of these since October??? WHAT?! I’m so sorry. Where’s my head at? Reliving the same day every day since last March, mostly likely. Honestly I just don’t know where time is going. On one hand, I’m stuck in a never-ending Groundhog Day time loop and on the other hand, time is moving so quickly that I’m not sure how it can possibly be March 2021 when I’m still living in March 2020.

Welcome to Earth. It’s terrible here. 

Angry Will Ferrell GIF

I really wanted to get ahead of posts for my little corner of the internet. That was one of my resolutions for New Years’, but I’m failing miserably so far. I’m literally still catching up on reviews from last year, so it’s not really surprising I haven’t had time to research a true crime write-up. This shit takes work. But also, why get ahead of work and be organized when you can endlessly scroll Instagram and TikTok and become emotionally numb?

I guess that’s a common theme for most of us over the last twelve months.

Speaking of Instagram, this true-crime case was brought to my attention by my #bookstagram buddy Kristy (@booksontuesday.) It’s an older case so I had never heard of it and honestly, research was difficult AF. Solid information was scarce and personal history on the murderer was almost nonexistent. And you know how much I love me some killer psychology. So, that was annoying but also bizarre. Sure, it was 1975, but we are talking about someone who killed four children. What’s good, Canadian media? Literally no one has a more than a paragraph to share?

bill murray comedy GIF

So, why did @booksontuesday even mention this case to me? Because her father fucking worked with the guy! Obviously, you too would share that brand new information with your true-crime obsessed friends. And the small blurb I read about this case was enough to convince me to do a write-up for a Canadian crime I had never heard of.

This is the case of the Saskatoon Child Murders.

Trigger warning for child murder, you know, like the title says… 

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: Saskatoon Child Murders”

True Crime Tuesday: The “Mischief Night” Murder of Martha Moxley

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer,” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

Long time no talk, Murderinos. How have you been? Are you holding up okay in this Twilight Zone/Upside Down world we’ve somehow crossed into?

If you’ve noticed, my posting around here has been null and void as of late. I’ve spent most of my time working on cleaning up the ol’ blog instead of posting new shit – editing posts for content and grammar, removing some things and deleting old features as I decide what I want to focus on going into the new year.

2021 is creeping up on us faster than The Demon from Insidious. I can hardly believe October is almost over! And there’s only like a week left until the U.S. decides if they’re going to get rid of the Orange Dumpster Mussolini. Time flies when everything fucking constantly sucks. That’s how the saying goes, right?

Speaking of a daily basis, personally, life has been pretty chill for me, or should I say repetitive? All my days blend together. You know, aside from my roof leaking in a thunderstorm and unexpectedly having to spend big bucks that I’d rather have kept for the holidays to fix it. Or the fact that my mother, stepdad and sister all have COVID-19 and have been sick for the last three weeks. I think (*knock on wood*) that they’re going to be okay as they haven’t required any hospitalization, but it’s still scary. Anything could happen and that’s the worst part of this illness. You never know how it’s going to affect you or the people you love. Texting my mother every day to make sure she’s not taken a turn for the worse was not in my plans for 2020. But then again, none of this was for anyone.

Other than that, my days are pretty much the same all the time, always, into oblivion. I’m still working from home, still not going out unless it’s absolutely necessary. This pandemic has definitely fucked with everyone’s vibe, and I’m no exception. Finding the desire to read and write has proven to be elusive under the stress, the weirdness and the fear.

BUT! It’s Halloween season! I’ve decorated the house and have been watching horror movies literally every night, trying to stay positive and enjoy the festivities, as pandemically altered as they may be. I’m not sure we’re handing out candy this year. I can’t think of a way to do it that doesn’t involve Lysol spraying every piece of candy or creating some kind of shoot delivery system that’s 6-feet long.

Maybe missing Halloween won’t be so bad. It certainly decreases the odds that you’ll be fucking murdered.

For today’s True Crime Tuesday case, I wanted to keep with my Halloween spirit and talk about a murder that took place over our most favourite time of year. For most of us it’s about candy and costumes and scary movies, but for some, the dark and twisted make-believe turns out to be real.

This is the murder of Martha Moxley.

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The “Mischief Night” Murder of Martha Moxley”

True Crime Tuesday: The Cannibal Wife

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

I got you with that title, didn’t I? It’s like, “Honey! I’m home in the stew!”

Now that I have you’re attention, Ohhh shiiiittttt, do I have a story for you. We are going to learn about Katherine Knight, the first woman in Australia’s history to be sentenced to life in prison without parole. Be prepared, because this bitch is a special kind of terrible.

I first heard about this case while I was watching make-up tutorial videos. Seems weird? I’ll explain. I haven’t really worn makeup since March when I started working from home, because what’s the fucking point? “Do it for yourself!” Aw, sweet…but no. Do you have any idea how much money I’ve spent on makeup? I’m not wasting that beautiful shit on the same pair of PJs I’ve been wearing for two days while I sit in front of the TV eating pretzel thins by the handful.

Part of me is definitely deprived of the joys of makeup though, so I’ve been filling that Color Pop palette-sized hole in my heart by watching Bailey Sarian. Now, I admit I figured I was too old to really care about YouTube personalities, but apparently, I just needed to find the right one. Now that I’ve discovered Bailey and her Murder, Mystery & Makeup Monday series my life will never be the same. It’s makeup and a true-crime story. I want to be her when I grow up. I love her.

What do I not love? Killing your husband and trying to eat him.

Gene Wilder Reaction GIF

This case is fucked up – from the beginning of Katherine Knight’s life until she’s incarcerated. Hell, even beyond that. This woman says she is regularly visited in prison by the ghost of her dead uncle. Okay.

So, here’s my content warning: if you’re triggered by things like domestic violence, child abuse or FUCKING SKINNING A HUMAN BODY, peace the fuck out.

The rest of you, gather ’round because it’s storytime…

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Cannibal Wife”

True Crime Tuesday: A Valentine’s Day Cold Case

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

JARHUMOR: Show Them You Scare | Valentine day cards, Horror, Funny valentine

It’s that time of year again, creepy lovers! The hopeless romantics are losing their ever-loving minds planning a full day of romance, the cynics are complaining about commercialization, the consciously uncoupled are waiting for chocolate to go on sale, and I’m writing up some true crime about being murdered on Valentine’s Day.

February 14th literally has something for everyone!

I have stuff & things planned with my husband for Saturday because there’s nothing I want to do less than go out on a Friday night after being awake since 6 a.m. and working all day.

We have yoga in the morning, followed by a float session. Then we’re doing dinner and a movie. I’m hoping I can drag Husband to see the new Blumhouse movie, Fantasy Island, because nothing says Valentine’s Day like blood and guts and horror and murder.

So in that spirit, this week’s True Crime Tuesday is a 1971 double homicide that took place while some crazy kids were just trying to celebrate Valentine’s Day and young love.

Two lovers. Lovers Lane. Torture. And a killer who has never been caught.

This story is giving me Zodiac/Son of Sam/The Town That Dreaded Sundown vibes and I am very fucking into.

Important sidebar: I’m not celebrating or glorifying the murder of real human beings, but I do take an unapologetic interest in the psychology of these kinds of crimes, the mystery and those creepy AF vibes. Don’t get it twisted, every story is tragic, but I believe it’s important to confront the worst in humanity, especially on a day when we’re celebrating all the mushy love we can experience too.

This is the story of Jesse McBane and Patricia Mann.

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: A Valentine’s Day Cold Case”

True Crime Tuesday: The Ice Box Murders

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

It’s the 74th day of January and it feels like it’s getting colder every day. Or maybe my tolerance for winter is just constantly dwindling?

freezing disney frozen GIF

Last weekend we had a crazy amount of snow dumped on us, although it was nothing compared to what the people of Newfoundland dealt with. (Seriously, look up Newfoundland snowfall. The pictures are ridiculous. Trudeau had to send in the fucking army to dig people out.)

They’re calling for more snow this weekend in my neck of the woods and I’m over it. But at the same time, it’s not so bad. What better reason to stay inside and read all day than “I’m fucking snowed in!” Joy.

Today’s #TCT post feels totally on theme.

This is the story of Fred and Edwina Rogers, who were quite literally, put on ice.

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Ice Box Murders”

True Crime Tuesday: The Nun Killer

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

It’s been a while since I’ve written one of these and it’s a bummer. I know. Really, I’m way behind in reading too. Everything is crashing down around me now that it’s the end of the year.

The truth is, October (to the end of the year) is a really busy time for me. I have my husband’s birthday, our wedding anniversary, three other family birthdays, then my own; Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Shit gets crazy. Plus we had an election in Canada that ended last night (phew!) Suffice to say, my stress levels are through the roof most days. I have no time, I spent too much money and our pet’s heads are falling off!

When I’m stressed out from it all, you will find me decompressing by way of isolation. I don’t do too much social media, I burrow myself in my bedroom and watch TV. So, there’s not a lot of motivation to write reviews or research murder.

Cinderella Cheetos GIF by WENS

Today, it’s time to break the slump!

I’m feeling good about last night’s election results, as my beloved country rejected the right-wing politics that are taking over most other places on the globe – even if AB and SK are being fucking whiny bitches about it. Die mad if you think that’ll get you anywhere, Prairies!

With some stress alleviated from my brain mush, I’ve been watching an ass-load of horror movies for the #31daysofhorrorchallenge, and I’m feeling in the Halloween spirit.

My favourite holiday hit me late this year for a lot of reasons, but I’m in it now!

So my first #TTC post of the season is going to be something special for the spooky season. And what better way to keep the spooky spirit flowing through you then with a nun killer?

Poor taste? Too on the nose?

Either way, this is the story of Sister Tadea Benz.

Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Nun Killer”

True Crime Tuesday: The Bear Brook Murders

Please read the “TCT Disclaimer” under the True Crime tab at the top of the page before reading any true crime posts.

A surprise affect of my true crime interest is that some days my appreciation and deep love for my husband is amplified as if the volume has been turned up to eleven.

That’s not to say that there are other days where I am numb to it. Quite the opposite. I’m always fully aware of the cosmic luck that brought my husband to me. Contrasted against the background of my shitty ex and the shady AF choices I’ve made in my life, (that I’m truly surprised didn’t totally fuck me,) he doesn’t really need to do much to be wonderful. But he does anyway.

Every one thought we were crazy when we met. Getting involved, being long distance, trying to navigate an immigration system, starting over from scratch once he moved to Canada and blending our family. But it was truly one of the best decisions we’ve ever made. I followed my heart completely on that one, because from a rational point of view, yeah we were taking big, unknown risks and it could have gone totally sideways.

But here were are. Seven years later.

And some days, when the volume is up to eleven, it feels like my heart is going to burst out of my chest and be carried away by a million butterflies because I know, truly and honestly, from the bottom of my bottom, that my husband would never kill me and stuff my body in a 55-gallon drum.

how i met your mother series GIF
Continue reading “True Crime Tuesday: The Bear Brook Murders”