Now, I know it’s not Tuesday, but if you read my post from last week about Blake Leibel, the trust fund douche who murdered his girlfriend just weeks after she gave birth to their daughter, then you have been waiting with bated breath for an update on the trial.
Or you’ve been waiting with normal breath, no irregular breathing pattern at all. That seems more likely.
Breaking News: about 12 hours ago, the jury came back with its decision.
So it’s officially time for True Crime Tuesday – Thursday Update…or something like that. It would be better if I had some kind of flashing graphics for it.
This is not going to be a super long post (I hope), but I want to talk about one thing that came up during the last stretch of the trial, and that is a motive for this murder. When I wrote my original post I was scouring through every article and interview looking for what could have possessed this human-embodiment-of-a-boob-punch to do what he did, because it was so gruesome and so intense. But I had a hard time finding anything close to even a theory.
Now that closing statements are over, it is being reported that prosecutors believe Leibel killed his girlfriend, 30-year-old Iana Kasian, because he was jealous of their newborn daughter.
I want to really get into that motive. Really break it down until we’re all soaking in, and digesting, the absurdity that is the fragility of the male ego, okay? Here we go…
A grown man mutilated the mother of his child because he was jealous of a baby.
One more time. A 37-year-old, self-sufficient man was JEALOUS of a 3-week old baby that needed attention to survive.
Jealous. OF A BABY.
Because the baby was getting understandable levels of attention from Kasian, because, you know, Kasian was a mother and she wanted her baby to not die and have food and clean diapers and all that fun stuff.
HE WAS JEALOUS OF A BABY. So he ripped off his girlfriend’s scalp and drained her body of blood.
Because he was jealous. Of a baby.
A baby that can’t even hold its own head up. That’s his motive.
I wanted to research this a little bit. How common would it be for a man to be jealous of a fucking baby?
Apparently, pretty common!
And here’s the thing, the more I read about it the more I totally get it. Two become three and the idea of “three’s a crowd” can be real. Mom is going to be working hard, giving all her sleepless nights and attention to this new human and dad is going to start feeling like a third-wheel in this totally sexist “mom does all the work” example of a family, that I can only assume Leibel and Kasian were falling into.
And in some ways, that’s a natural course for a couple to take. Mom had the baby, mom has the breasts, mom is probably on maternity leave, so she’s going to be doing most of the work during the day. But I feel like there is a way to work as a team, when you’re both together, that would feel like spending time together, even if it’s while taking care of a baby. And maybe then dad would be able to control his jealousy and mom would feel more inclined to go on a date because her husband wasn’t being a whiny bitch.
Just a thought.
In general, we’ve been taught that kid’s come first in families, “stay together for the kids” and all that shit.
And I actually totally disagree with this.
I’m not a biological mother, but I have two stepkids. My husband and I function from a place of the marriage comes first. Because if the parents are happy, the rest of the house can function more smoothly.
That’s not to say our kids are neglected, but as long as they have everything they need, then there is no reason for us as parents to not be taking time for our relationship. Everything functions from the top down. When parents start behaving like the kids are running the household, hellloooo problems.
Moreover, you’re teaching your children boundaries, that adults need to be alone sometimes. And if the marriage is strong you are displaying what a good, healthy relationship is supposed to look like. Because one day those kids are going to be dating and moving out and starting lives and you want them to leave knowing what their goals for a relationship should look like.
One of the reasons I feel this way is because after my own parents’ divorce, my mother married my stepfather and that is how they ran their household. Their marriage came first. I looked at them and I thought: that’s what I want. They were a romantic, loving, beautiful example of what it means to be in a happy marriage. When I would be in a relationship that didn’t meet those standards, I got out.
Point being, I think in real life, with people who are not crazy, if a man is jealous of the attention a baby is getting from his wife, it’s understandable if the set of circumstances are stereotypical. Parents (moms) will climb this moral high ground that it’s better to give precedence to the kids over date night. And the longer you let your marriage/relationship live in that stasis, the harder it is to come back from it and the more your other half is going to feel neglected, like the relationship doesn’t mean what it used to. And the target of that resentment could end up being the child.
When the baby is a newborn everyone will be so sleep deprived they don’t give a shit about dates or sex or anything. But once that tide starts to turn, so should the attention back to the marriage. It’s an adjustment period, like with all big changes.
Of course, like I said, I have no bio kids of my own so maybe I’m full of shit.
With all of that said, I have to wonder was Leibel sleep deprived? Did he have a mental break with reality because of it?
The baby was only 3-weeks-old, there was so much time left to move into new stages where Kasian wouldn’t have been giving her every moment to this new human.
Was Leibel helping with the baby at all, or just sitting on the sidelines being jealous?
Could it be that Leibel, a trust fund douche, was so used to getting everything he wanted, that he couldn’t take a change where he was suddenly not the centre of attention anymore? That entitled male ego was raging out of control?
He has two kids with his ex-wife. How did he behave when those first children were born? He left his wife right before she gave birth to their second child. Did he leave because he couldn’t handle that his wife’s attention would now be on two other people?
Was he always that kind of a partner – needy and demanding and jealous?
Why did he keep having children with his partners if he hated it so much?
I have a lot of questions if this motive is accurate. Because from what I’ve learned, it’s pretty common for fathers to be jealous of a new baby, but it’s not very common for them to lose their shit and mutilate their baby-mamas because of it.
What are your thoughts?
Leibel is set for sentencing on June 26th. He is facing life without the possibility of parole.
Until next time Booknerds…