Bonus for me: I’ve got Monday off work. I’m determined to make this weekend super productive for reading! It’s top priority.
I’d say last night was pretty productive for reading, as well, because I literally had no other choice. When I got home from work around 5PM, the power was out at my house, as well at 223 other houses. And we didn’t get electricity back until this morning! Joy-of-fucking-joys!
I felt like an Amish person – lighting candles, walking around in the dark, crying that we have no Wi-Fi (Amish people cry about that, right?)
As expressed by my 14-year-old stepkid: “I want to look at memes! This sucks!”
I hear you, junior.
We also had to make sure our basement didn’t flood because the sump-pump doesn’t work without power and it was raining alllllll day. (Not sure the Amish care about sump-pumps either.)
Want to know why the power was out?…
So, this is a hydro pole, basically in my backyard, that exploded and toppled over. We were taking my boy, Finnegan, for a walk (he’s getting a Spa Day this weekend, I know he looks shaggy,) and noticed that the pole was smoking. Soon it was fully on fire and I called 911.
We finally had power again some time around 4AM after the whole pole was replaced by the hydro company. But I was basically left with no other form of entertainment but reading by booklight and candles, again, like I was fucking Amish. Er, maybe they don’t use booklights. I mean, it’s not a bad deal. Reading time is reading time…
…But I have had an epiphany: It must have been impossible for parents to have sex without some form of noise to turn on. Seriously, think about it. Just imagine the number of Amish kids out there who have heard their parents have sex trying to make baby number eleventy. Ask your parents or grandparents, readers and then report back to me. I want to know this secret trauma! All those poor kids, alive during a time when families gathered around the one fucking radio in the whole house. Or that one TV in the living room with the dials you had to turn to change channel. Think about how much sex those kids had to listen to. There was no such things as headphones, people!
Okay, I digress. This has nothing to do with books.
Let’s kick the weekend off right! With electricity and a book tag!
1. Do you get sick while reading in a car?
I think after a while I will start to feel a little off in the connection between my eyes and my brain and my stomach, but I don’t get “sick.” Also I’m typically the one driving. And if I’m not, that means my husband is driving and I can’t relax enough to read when I’m in this situation. I’m white knuckling the holy-shit handle the whole way, watching with deer-in-the-headlights-eyes at all the ways he could fucking end my life, right there in the car, by driving like a speed-demon maniac.
2. Which author’s writing style is completely unique to you and why?
Good question. Off the top of my head, I’d say the first time I read You by Caroline Kepnes, I was instantly thrown off by her choice of 2nd-person perspective. It wasn’t the same with Hidden Bodies, but I definitely remember You strongly effecting me.
Karin Slaughter, I find, is unique in the sense that not many thriller authors write with such smart, social commentary flowing throughout their themes. And she does it so well. You don’t feel like you’re being preached to, just that she gets it. She can weave that aspect of her knowledge base into her stories so effortlessly that I am always impressed and inspired after reading one of her books. And Chuck Palahniuk’s snappy minimalist style sets him apart, to me, as well.
3. Harry Potter Series or the Twilight Saga? Give 3 points to defend your answer.
There’s not a chance in hell that I’m answering this. (PS. Twilight is shit. Fight me.)
4. Do you carry a book bag? If so, what is in it (besides books)?
I do not carry a book bag, but it’s on my list of things to buy for myself after we’re done this round of house renos. I take a book with me to work every day, sometimes my tablet. And I wouldn’t mind something to take my haul back and forth from the library in. Just have to find a tote that speaks to me. What else would I keep in there? My fucking attitude.
5. Do you smell your books?
6. Books with or without little illustrations?
I mean, I’ll be totally honest here – I can’t remember that last time I read a book that included illustrations. Is that a thing adults read?
7. What book did you love while reading but discovered later it wasn’t quality writing?
Omigod, Kiss The Girls by James Patterson. When I was in high school, I used to read his books and thought they were the bomb and how you were supposed to write crime fiction. As an adult I’ve realized he’s a terrible writer. TERRIBLE. Let’s be honest. I know he has fans, but if they picked up one Karin Slaughter, or Meg Gardiner, book they would see the different.
Really, I’m not even sure he’s an author anymore, so much as he’s a book factory who hands off all the work to his employees, like Maxime Paetro and Candace Fox, and then takes the credit for their work.
Last year, after reading all of the awful Women’s Murder Club series, I wanted to go back to the more classic Patterson material and see how it felt. I picked up Kiss The Girl (one of my favourite movies to re-watch) and found that the book was bad. Like, literally, it’s just not good for a bonafide published author. And I’m shock that I ever thought it was the epitome of crime fiction.
As per my review on Goodreads: “His prose are atrocious. There is zero depth to his plotting. There’s is no less than 2 overwrought cliches per page. And if you think female characters should exist as anything more than cardboard caricatures, then look elsewhere! Because here, here we only have room for stereotypes and sexual objectification.”
The movie is still good though.
8. Do you have any funny stories involving books from your childhood? Please share!
Not that I can think of. I did use Crayola Markers to draw a dick and balls, and boobs and pubes, onto my human child-sized Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls when I was little though. They were characters in books.
9. What is the tiniest book on your shelf?
I have a book of poems by Pablo Neruda that is tiny both in thickness and in shape. (That’s what she said.)
10. What is the thickest book on your shelf?
It’s a tossup between Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, Game of Thrones or In The Woods by Tana French. Those are some beasts in paperback.
11. Do you write as well as read? Do you see yourself in the future as being an author?
12. When did you get into reading?
As a very young child. My mother is the OG Booknerd. She used to share books with me, if they were age appropriate. And then my favourite aunt, when I was seven or eight, gave me my first Nancy Drew books and I was immediately obsessed with the mystery genre.
13. What is your favourite classic book?
If we’re talking “classic” as in things like To Kill a Mockingbird or Pride and Prejudice, I haven’t really read any of those…unless it was for school. I’ve read 1984 by George Orwell and have tried to read Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and Moby Dick, but I never got very far into them. There’s something about proper English prose that put me to sleep. It’s just not how this booknerd’s brain works. But I have read a lot of Nancy Drew and those are from the 1930s, so it has to count for something.
14. In school what was your best subject?
Art and creative writing. Fun fact: My grade 10 science teach used to play on my last name and call me MacSkipple…because I never went to his class! The left side of my brain is not really into doing anything.
15. If you were given a book as a present that you had read before and hated, what would you do?
Well, no one gives me books because they are all scared to give me something I already have, or give me something I don’t want. Gift cards are the smart option. But if this did happen I would say, “Thank you for the thought, but I’ve already read this.”
Listen, as you get older you will learn (hopefully) that there is nothing worse than leading people on under the guise of politeness. If someone gives you a gift you don’t want, say thank you and ask for the receipt. If someone likes you, but you don’t like them, stop pretending you do. In the long run, pretending (aka lying) is actually meaner. And the only person you’re making feel better by politely lying, is yourself. It’s a waste of precious time.
16. What is a lesser known series that you know of that is similar to Harry Potter or the Hunger Games?
The Race for the Crown of the Magic Queen X-Games. I just made that up. I have no idea.
17. What is a bad habit you always do while blogging?
Do it while I’m supposed to be working. Hello internet access and private office space!
18. What is your favourite word?
Fuck. All day, er’ry day. It is so multi-purpose.
19. Are you a nerd, dork, or dweeb? Or all of the above?
Don’t label me, bitch. I’m me and I like all kind of different things. You can’t box me in.
20. Vampires or Fairies? Why?
21. Shapeshifters or Angels? Why?
Just this guy:
22. Spirits or Werewolves? Why?
23. Zombies or Vampires? Why?
You know, I actually find zombies pretty boring. I think that’s because there is nothing behind their actions but a basic instinct. I prefer my evil with a healthy, thoughtful ambition to be evil.
24. Love Triangle or Forbidden Love?
Let’s be clear. Love triangles are bad and no one should ever write them or read them or like them. And if you do, you’re wrong.
And finally: Full on romance books or action-packed with a few love scenes mixed in?
*Singing a slow ballad* Romance is gross.
Until next time, Booknerds…